As soon as I closed the door of my bedroom, I leaned on it fast.
What had just happened?
During the last 3 years that passed, I always make situations in my mind of how Dylan is going to appear in front of me one day. What he will say and how I should answer. Should I give him a second chance or should I reject him. Sometimes, I think I should reject him but sometimes I think maybe we can start over again. But they are all just "what ifs".
None of the situations I made in my mind can compare to what just happened now.
I thought I was prepared for whenever he will come, but I was wrong. My emotions weren't fixed, and my thoughts are on a rumble.
Was I right in giving him a second chance?
Should I take it back?
Can I take it back?
My mind is really in a blur. I took out my cellphone and went to read the private blog that I posted 2 years back.
I want to hold on, Dylan. To stay on the spot where you left me. But, you're giving me reasons to hate you. You're showing me signs of unmanliness, if there is such a word. I'm trying to stay firm with my decision. And I don't know where this'll lead. I've been blinded by my love for you. And now that i'm seeing you, you're not that good after all. But I loved you, and I want my first to be my last. So many but's. And it shouldn't be like that. So yes, i loved you. Yes, i want my first to be my last. And the only but - but I want what's destined for me to be what will be.
I guess, I never really made up my mind. Then and now, I still can't figure out what to do with you, Dylan. I sighed and went to read the last part of the blog.
But i just want you to know this. You made me feel less like a girl. I'm stupid to let you do that. I don't know how you destroyed the wall I built. A lot of guys tried to, but you're the only one who succeed. And look what i got into. So, yes, i'm building my wall a lot higher this time. :) Will you be able to break it again? Well, we'll see. Tata! :)
I suddenly felt dizzy. I walked to my bed and lied down.
I thought reading my blog will help me, but it just confused me even more. I don't know what I want anymore.
I didn't bother changing clothes anymore, I closed my eyes and sleep. Maybe when I wake up I will realize that this is all just a dream.
***
Bzzzzzzzt! Bzzzzzzzzzt!
I suddenly woke and stood up when my phone vibrated.
Leon is calling. I answered it.
"Hello, Leon?"
"Yue! It's already 10 o'clock in the morning! Where are you? We're supposed to have brunch before heading to the meeting."
Oh, shoot. I slept too much. And I forgot to alarm my phone. I looked down and saw that I'm still wearing the dress I wore yesterday.
That's right. Dylan happened yesterday. It wasn't a dream. I put my hand on my forehead. I must be sick.
"Hello, Yue? Are you still there?" Leon asked.
"Yes, yes. I'm sorry. I overslept. I'll quickly take a bath and head there. Wait for me."
I ended the call and hurried to the bathroom, took a bath and wore a plain yellow shirt and skirt.
As soon as I got out of my front door, I saw Dylan. He was leaning on his car. He quickly stood up straight when he saw me.
