It is such a sunny day. The sky is perfectly blue.The number of small clumps of clouds can even be counted by fingers.
I leaned back on the seat of my car and rested my head. I raised my hand and looked at my watch. 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
I closed my eyes. It's been three years, huh? I can still clearly remember everything that happened like it was just yesterday.
And no, I don't agree with the majority that says the ones that are left behind are more hurt than the ones who left. Because here I am, clearly still so into her.
It was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my whole life -- that is leaving her. Leaving Yue. The only girl I ever truly loved. And still love.
I thought about that day in the café. I was actually really happy that she finally said 'Yes'. That's why I hid my face with the hoodie she gave, the one I'm wearing right now. But then, while my face was covered, I suddenly thought about both our careers. We are just starting in the industry. I am willing to take a risk, but I don't want Yue's career to be affected as well. And us being in a relationship will definitely result to that.
I didn't want to leave her behind, but that's the only way I can make her future better. I thought, when the time is right, when we are more stable, and I am able to give her the protection that she'll need once we come out to the public, I'll pursue her again. Thus, I said those words to her that day.
My heart was really aching when I saw her cry. And when I received her texts the following days, I really wanted to come back. But I know it won't do any good then. To stop myself, I blocked her number.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done. My heart is telling me one thing, and my mind says another. But for Yue, I'll endure all this.
No, it's not like what everyone is thinking. I never left her side. I always ask people around her for updates. Including the F3.
I knew Jiaqi asked Caesar if he knows what happened about us. Caesar, who's together with Leon that time, asked me about it.
And Kuan, Yue and he started communicating again. They were texting almost everyday. And it hurts me to know that, but I couldn't do anything about it. I left her. And I have no more right to her.
I didn't tell anyone about my reason for leaving her. All they know is that I just left. And that's just about it.
The last three years has been a torture. I couldn't go to anyone to share the pain I feel inside. I didn't want to tell even my friends, I didn't want them to know that I plan on pursuing her again one day. I didn't want to jinx it.
They did got curious as to why I'm still checking on her every once in a while, but I told them I only want to know if she's doing well because of the guilt I feel inside.
The idea of her dating somebody else also crossed my mind. But I know Yue, she's a hard egg to crack. I know she wouldn't just let anybody else enter her life and be so much important. I know that because I experienced climbing her wall and getting into her life.
I once received a message from Yue, a year after that heartbreaking moment. She congratulated me for a project that I got. She knew I have always wanted to have that kind of project.
The conversation didn't last long though. After I replied thank you, she told me that I did so great and that I deserve it. I told her that she's doing great, too. She thanked me and congratulated me again. I didn't reply anymore.
My fingers actually went to type, 'I miss you'. But I quickly deleted it. It's not yet the time.
Two years later, here I am inside my car. Outside her apartment. I looked at the passenger seat and smiled when I saw the bouquet of white roses that I bought for her.
