I read a terrible fanfic!

Ch 1

Hey, everybody! I think this is a new thing. Y'know, commentary for a commentary?So yeah let's get started!Also I'm still waiting for OC's in my other story so until then..you'll have to wait for that story!

Chapter 1...Where I get Claimed

Spoiler alert!

My gray eyes satred back at me from the fountain, sad like the end of a summer storm.

How is a summer storm sad?

That is an interesting way to compare sadness though.

It's a storm. Shouldn't you be happy it ended?

Luke was dead....Percy Jackson killed him last year in Olympus.

Wrong.

Luke killed himself, he sacrificed himself to help the Demigods defeat Kronos, he stabbed himself in his Achilles Heel.

Right. How'd you hear that in Percy's camp? It should logically take his side, right? So either you were there, and saw something no one else did, or you're just an idiot. (Inclined to the second one.)

I groned as I sat up in bed. I had a dream last night where I was claimed.

Oh, so now you're a fortuneteller, huh? No demigod gets a dream that specific.

I didn't know my parents ever, I was an orphan on the Streets of NYC city until a family on a farm took me in,

You got adopted. Good for you.

How'd you get from NYC to the farm anyways?

but soon I was bullied by their daughter Brittany.

She probably deserved it.

Is it just me, or are all people named Brittany stereotypically mean girls?

with four diffrent coach Purses

They live on a farm. People who live on farms do NOT have Coach purses.

and bitchy blond hair.

Don't-

My friends hair is blonde. Are you saying every blonde out there is a 'bitchy blonde'?

How did her hair get dragged into this mess? Dude. It's HAIR.

She called me a freak because I had sliver eyes, black hair I cut by myslef so it was uneven and wore the same lether jacket everyday.

She probably called you that because your eyes were silver. That's not natural.

Hmm. I'm thinking also because of your terrible spelling, your incredibily-inflated ego, your skewered looks on life.

One day I had enough

Oh what your life? Join the club!

so I ran away only to find my way to Kronos's Army.....and Luke. I was a deimgod!

I knew I claimed today, because demigod dreams are like that,

No. They're not. They're vague glimpses, and certainly not a trivial event like the claiming, especially if it's been years and years already.

were not like normal people.

Well duh, you're a demigod.

I smiled to myself because I hated cabin number 11.

I would hate being in there too, it's so cramped and it's full of a Hermes and Unclaimed demigods.

And a certain Flavia.