Right now I wish one of my upperclassmen is reading this because hi this is directed to you.Okay, maybe a little bit too much but skdksjd please. I just, need to let this out.
Some of you may already know that I'm in this dance team at school. It's not that much of a biggie to be honest, but this specific kind has a pretty big reputation here where I live. It's very competitive among schools and such. If you know what dance I'm talking about and you're going through the same thing as I am, then hi we are long lost siblings and I think you could relate.
Our team practises twice a week, no matter if there is a holiday or not. Just say on this practise day there's a holiday, then they'll move it to the next day or the day before. From this, you can already tell how tight it is.
Me, I've been doing this since fourth grade and before year 10 rolled around, I actually enjoyed it. It's a way for me to kind of fill my time with something other than studying, yakno?
Earlier today, the upperclassmen had a competition and they got a pretty unsatisfying feedback from our, I guess, instructor. And today also, I went to a briefing for a competition coming next week with my friends.
Not too long ago, they asked us what our results were from that meeting. They asked a lot of questions and of course, my friend and I answered them all. Yknow those messages where you can tell when someone is in bad mood? Yea, that.
Then they started questioning us about it, using that tone and you see, I'm the kind of person to hate it when I disappoint someone. It sounded as if they were cornering us when we did nothing wrong at all.
I get why, trust me I do, but I can't help but get my feelings hurt you know? There's nothing that I recall we did wrong — we watched their competition like how we are supposed to, we went to the briefing like how we're supposed to. But if they're in a bad mood right now, they don't have to take it on us.
Lately, to be honest, I get scared of them (haha yea I know). Now, adding on to that, bro, I'm scared if I say one thing that is isn't ... "precise", "just right" or "pas" in Indo, it will lead to more misunderstandings and such.
They play a lot on how my personality changed drastically. Some of my friends from junior high told me that I acted differently and I started to notice too. I used to be really loud and I literally had no care whatsover. But now, I feel like I'm constantly being watched on how I behave, on how I walk, where I sit and even what I eat at the school canteen. It's that far. I have to think over and over about what I want to say to the point where it's unnecessary for me to think about it that much.
I have so many in my mind right now skdjsfkd I want to let it all out but I don't know how to put it into words.
Point is, I'm pissed, hurt and now I feel like my team and I have to give an apology. I know we have no wrongdoings and such but at least apologise to us too. We wasted our energy to get to these places, to get the information you guys also needed so why?
I really want to bring it up in practises but I don't want to be all the English translations of "kurang ajar" from Google translate.
Which is literally this:
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And yes, there are 14 more translations.
Respecting your elders, even if you're only a few months younger is considered really important where I'm from. Meaning, if I do that, my image to the year 11s would be bad and I don't want to be a bad person skjdkfdslf.
I have so much more to say but that's all for now.
There's enough negativity in this already it's sickening.
