They say deep thinkers are respected in this world and that good things come out to those who think with their heart and soul. If you like to think then you have a wide view of the world. But sometimes, you dive too deep into your ocean of thoughts and what you like ends up being toxic to you and you will be stuck in your own poison filled bubble.
If you stay in there for too long, you're a lost cause. Sometimes, you can't help but find yourself getting lost between the heavy walls of thorns and vines and you lose your sense of direction.
You're trapped.
Suddenly, there's no way out.
The voices in my head are so loud, talking inside my mind in a tone I can't chase away. They seem big and eerie but although I can't see them, they still take up too much of the space in my mind. It needs to be let go, but my tongue twists on itself and my voice loses its ability to have its say and I'm left here to be the monster in my own life.
The beast is still there, day by day growing larger and larger, seemingly feeding on my happiness and leaving nothing for my own self. Its rage, its anger and its fire burns inside of me and I know that I should chase it away and leave it somewhere far, but I keep coming back for more as I couldn't help myself but to convince my own mind to think that the beast keeps me company in my small lonely galaxy.
"It's going to be okay," I try to convince myself. "There are others who have it worse than I do."
But I've inhaled so much toxicity and all I'm left to do is watch my world slowly crumble to its fall.
These chains tying me up are too strong and I'm exhausted in trying to break free from its hold. Shackles tie me around my heart and fog clouds my vision and they lead me into a world full of blinds while that same beast I have welcomed here reel me in into its trap of unbreakable strings.
My hands are constantly reaching out, hoping someone out there would take it and lead me out of an endless maze. But reaching out means drawing in and I don't find it in myself to let others catch a glimpse of my deep waters and the monsters within me, therefore, I choose to tread my waters alone.
And I know it's dangerous for me to be left to my own thoughts. Lions in my own Colosseum try to tear me apart every time I pull my blinds on the world outside. There are so many people around me, each I know with the air of goodness with them and yet they seem so far away so I'm left screaming to my own. I've gotten so used to it, and I know it's unhealthy but it's the same way narcotics harm your body.
You know it's deadly but you can't put it away.
Somewhere deep inside of me knows that if I don't let someone know, I will break down from the inside. But my breath hitches at my throat, my voice comes out sore and I say what I always say every time someone asks if there's something wrong.
I'm okay.
When I'm not.
The smaller me believed I was a fairy, ready to fly and take on the world. Now, my wings are slowly folding, engulfing me in a suffocating grasp.
