Moving on with you (complete)

Ten

3 hours of non stop chatting and finally our bill was here. I couldn't imagine how much we'd spent, the restaurant was extremely fancy, and fancy means expensive. Harry was quick to pay, gesturing we left.

It was nearing 9pm, the sun was almost setting leaving the sky a mix of pink and blue. We walked through a park nearby, continuing the date.

"I've had a really nice time tonight." I smiled, folding my arms to block out the slight wind. "Me too." He stated. "It's nice being able to walk someone home and not have to take the long trek back to my own place." He laughed.

"Woah, it's a first date Harry. Don't go assuming I'll let you in." I smirked. "You can take the walk down the hallway."

"That's not what I meant." He defensibly laughed. "I know." I pushed.

"Are you excited to have the flat to yourself." He blurted out. "Huh, where are you all going?" I laughed, the first time hearing this. "In like two weeks, we're going on a lads holiday, didn't Cal tell you?" He said slowing our walking pace. "No, wow you really picked your timing. Should've took the opportunity to go wild." I said worrying what that meant. "Why would I need to, I'm perfectly happy with this." He said lacing his fingers around mine, my breath shook as this date began to become more intimate. "Besides maybe you could take this opportunity to see your friends. Invite them over for the week." He said causing a lightbulb moment to occur. "That's a great idea, i don't know if they'd be interested though, it's been so long."

"Maybe we should get an Uber." Harry said as we entered a busier part of London. "Yeah I agree."

I sat at home on my iMac viewing the local universities in London. I began to visit the idea of going back to uni. After all I was already 2 years in debt. Might as well run it off. I had all my details and certificates from my previous two years. I emailed out a few of the university's and waited to see for a reply. My hope was that I could do a summer catch up program and follow on with year 3. Finishing in life sciences and becoming a biologist. I could hear the guys fumbling around in the flat but decided to leave them to it. I opened up messenger and sent a message into my old groupchat.

'I know we haven't spoken in a while, I know that's my fault. I just hope you are all doing okay. I was hoping maybe you'd join me for a few days down in London. I have the flat to myself and thought we could catch up. I understand if things are different now.' I hit send before I could rethink it.

"I like to think you'd be proud of me." I mumbled knowing who I was talking to. I got up and moved towards my windows, staring out at the now night sky. "I'm scared I haven't waited long enough. I don't want to betray you, I can't help but think if the roles were reversed. What would you do? Is Harry a mistake, I don't want to replace you because I know I could never love anyone like I loved you. I feel like I'm in the deep end of life, I can either stay there with you or swim towards shallow water. But I'm finding it so hard to stay a float, And you're not here to stop me from drowning. Jesus if only you were here, I'd wrap my arms around you and never let you go. It kills me that I have to rely on pictures to remember your face. It kills me that I love you so much that I hate you. I hate you for driving so late at night. I hate you for never texting me that you got home safely. I hate you for not letting me come home with you. I wish I wasn't here. I'd rather be gone with you than here without you. And I hate you for making me feel like that." I said hitting the wall with my palm in a slapping motion.

"Fuck I miss you."