How Did I Ever Love You?

Chapter 6: Just My Life I Guess

England's pov

The past few weeks felt the same as any other. But I fell asleep smiling every night. France even called me his boyfriend one day... That was probably the best thing I've ever felt in my life! I never knew that I could feel this happy honestly, and I was trying my best to hold on to that happiness throughout school... Though it just seems to be getting so much more difficult than normal! Dad keeps getting mad at me when I can't do homework right, and I cry every time he starts yelling. Mom keeps saying to just try my best and I'll get it, but really it's not helping.

I sat on the swing by myself, France had missed today, like he does a lot. He's told me his depression seems to be getting worse, and I'm just worried about him. He often fakes being sick to get out of school when he just doesn't feel like going. I don't know why, but I don't have his life, so I can't do much about it. America ran up to me and started pushing me.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Pushing you." he replied. Yeah I guess that was obvious. I just stayed there until he got bored and went to do something that will most likely end with him getting hurt. Like the time he broke his wrist by falling... The day was boring without France, I hated it when he missed school but I never complained. He does complain when I don't show up though. Whether I was sick, hurt, or had an appointment somewhere and it caused me to miss a day or come in late, France would come right up to me and start whining about it. I really do love him, but I just wish he'd see how much I do...

1 a.m

I jumped as I woke up from yet another nightmare. This was getting old, and honestly was tearing me apart. I whimpered softly as I tried to find a light, the dark was not something I wanted to see right now... I managed to light up my entire room, and my cat who laid at the end of my bed lifted it's head up because the sudden change. When I saw this, I immediately grabbed him and held him close to me, ignoring his meows of protest. I debated waking my parents since I didn't want to be alone, but that's childish! I'm a teenager, I shouldn't need to go to my mom whenever I have a bad dream. I sighed sadly and laid back down, giving my cat a chance to crawl out of my grip. It took a while, but I was able to fall back asleep... Only to wake up not two hours later. I gave up on sleeping and just laid there.

All of a sudden I felt really paranoid and I don't know why, but at least the light was still on. I got out of bed and poked my head out the door that lead into the hallway. The house was completely dark and silent, but still I stood there in place, swearing I had heard a sound that I didn't want to hear. Phone in hand, I typed in 911 and hovered my finger over the call button. The fact that I couldn't see more than five feet in front of me made me feel like I have to put a hand over my mouth to keep my breathing quiet. With my arms and legs shaking, I manged to make it about halfway through the entire house before I stopped.

"Wait, what am I doing?" I thought as I realized the stupidity of my actions. After all, all the doors were locked and there was no way someone would be able to break in without anyone hearing it. I almost laughed at myself before I looked around the dark room. Most of the windows had curtains on them but one didn't for some reasons. That one window was bothering me, and I felt like I couldn't get my body to respond to anything I wanted to do. On the verge of panicking, I stumbled backwards and hit the wall, sliding down it and hiding my face in my arms. A few minutes of me trying to stop myself from crying had passed when I heard someone say my name, almost making me scream and start sobbing. I looked up and saw my mom staring at me with concern, this obviously wasn't one of my more proud moments to say the least...

"W-What..?"

"Are you okay?" she asked while bending down next to me, putting an arm around my neck. Even though I was embarrassed beyond all repair, I managed to whisper out a few words.

"I-I thought I heard something..." Mom just sighed and hugged me.

"You can always wake me your dad up if you're scared okay?"

"I still feel bad..." Even though I didn't say it out load, I'm sure my mom knew what I was thinking. In the end, she walked me back to bed and laid down with me for a few minutes. Why am I like this?