God this is nerve wrecking and we've only been on this train for a few hours. I don't know how this date is gonna go or what he's going to say. There's so much we have to figure out before we get back together. I pace in the small bathroom and clutch my fingers. I got my jeans and off shoulder white top on. I have to leave and go outside eventually. Derek is out checking out the train and will back soon. I gotta man up and face the music. I slid the door open and walk to the main cabin door when he walks in the room.
"Hi."
"Hey. You okay?"
"Yeah. Just needed some water. I'm good."
"Well I was checking out the train and got us dinner in the private section."
"You springing for a private booth?"
"Figured you didn't want to be around alot of people."
"Thank you for thinking of me. It'll give us some privacy to talk."
"Okay. You wanna head out?"
"Yeah." We walk out of the room and close the door. We have a swipe key so no one but us can get in. He leads me to the private dining section of the train and we sit down in a booth. "So where do you wanna start?"
"No clue. Maybe just say what's on our mind."
"Okay. God, I feel like I have a whole rap sheet. I know that there's so much that went wrong with us and majority of it is on me."
"Part of it was me too."
"No let me go first. I never had a relationship that was healthy or stable. I lied, I cheated, and I've hurt you so much and I'm so sorry for everything. I never fell out of love with you. It just felt like we were pulling apart bit by bit. I cheated emotionally and then it turned physical. I thought about protecting your feelings but I was ignoring how I felt about Noah or what we were going through. I regret everything I did and I wish..that I was honest with you about the abortion. It was your baby too and you deserve to know why I went through with it."
"I thought it was because of me being in the chair."
"It wasn't just that. I went for the first ultrasound and they something with the baby. It was under developed and they found that he had some problems with his spine.
"It was a boy?"
"Yes. They found that his body showed evidence of this disorder called Osteogenis Imperfectia. Basically his bones would be so under developed that his chances of surviving were so small. They him a couple of months after birth."
"Why didn't say anything to me?"
"I was scared. You were going through so much being paralyzed and with losing a baby would have made it so much harder on you so they told me I can carry to term or terminate. I should've told you everything but I thought I was protecting you but I was just thinking about myself." He leans over and takes my hands in his.
"I know you were scared and I didn't make it easy on you. I wished you could've come to me but you were scared and had to make a decision no one should make. We were young and so much had happened, I get why you would feel the way you did."
"But that doesn't excuse what I did to you."
"I know but I forgive you. We were in tough spot. I let that damn chair take over me and we just drifted apart. I saw you hurting and going through it but I was just thinking about myself. I pushed you away and it pushed you towards Noah. I kept being mad at you for what you did but I played a part in it to. So I'm sorry for shutting down and shutting you at when we could've held on together instead of running somewhere else."
"What about your girlfriend?"
"I ended it. The night of the crash I ended it with her because I still loved you. I went to the airport to stop you from leaving because I wanted to start over again."
"You really wanna try again? After all I've done?"
"You and I are meant to be babe. There's nobody else but you."
"Can you forgive me?"
"Yes. I love you and we can fix whatever we've have to work on. We can be better and stronger than we were before."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"We got alot of stuff we need to work on but God keeps bringing us back to each other for a reason. Why not try?"
"Okay." He kisses my hands.
"But maybe we should take this back to the room to talk a little more."
