Cityscapes (Jumin Han x OC)

Chapter 41

Paris isn't particularly perfect. There's litter on the streets, the street is noisy, and there are aggressive salesmen pushing their terribly made Eiffel Tower keychains outside of about every monument. The city isn't made of tourists, despite how much people like to pretend.

I never particularly had rose colored glasses towards Paris. I understood that some tourists are disappointed that Seoul isn't this "oriental future land" that they've made it out to be. I've been determined not to be that way, and thought long and hard about the realities of a city of this population at this density.

My failure was on part of my relationship expectations. I know this city is special, and that first kiss was magic, making me forget about every imperfection, but the moment immediately died. Jumin's phone went off, and we saw a man from across the street filming us. Sure, Jumin had seen his precious Tower, but had gotten no time to admire it before bodyguards were shuffling us to a better location. Jumin's phone went off again, and I watched as he paced and nodded.

I suddenly felt so alone. In this city so grand, densely populated, and made for people to fall in love in, I feel alone. I stared at Jumin as he finished his phone call and walked over to me to apologize. I felt almost robotic in the way I just nodded, and gave him a soft smile as if to say it was nothing.

He could tell though. He always can.

The moment was lost. The city was lost on me. He showed me around, telling me lovely things about myself, about the city, and about our future, but all I could hear was a deafening silence. Every time I got close to hearing and understanding what he was saying, his phone would go off. Sometimes, he would let it, and other times, he would let it go to voicemail. My sight wasn't much better, with the tunnel vision preventing me from seeing anything other than Jumin's hand on mine as he pulled me around the city calmly. Sometimes, I would see something striking, and want a mental image, but the flash of a photographer's camera would pull me back in.

I just wanted to get to the car. By the time Jumin made his 5th or 6th stop, he could tell. He called for a car, and we sat in the car. He tried to whisper to me, hold my hand, and kiss me, but my responses fell dead on him.

We got back to the room.

We slept in seperate beds.

~

I woke up the next morning and Jumin was already gone. I looked down at my watch, and it is 9am, too late for him to still be downstairs getting breakfast. I quickly packed my bags, but as I was packing up the last one, Elizabeth pawed at my hand. I couldn't very well leave her here.

I began to hand feed her cucumbers, and cry.

~

Jumin came home. He apologized, and I nodded. It's not his fault, and it's not about him.

Too bad his phone went off as I was trying to tell him that.

~

Someone knocked on the door early in the morning. I don't know who I expected it to be, but seeing a paparazzi member just trying to take photos of me at 4am was terrifying. I called security, and he was removed.

I sat on the floor and cried again.

~

Jumin and I left today. I'm just stuck on an airplane for the next too many hours with him.

~

As the hours approach to a close, I walk into his bedroom, and sit on the bed. He walks in and looks a bit relieved.

"You seem a bit more like yourself, finally," He said, quietly.

"It's not for a particuarly good reason," I answered. I patted the area next to me, and Jumin sat next to me. He took my hand, and I placed my other hand on top of his. I could feel a tear slip out, and I held his hand a bit tighter, and took a deep breath.

"I know you apologized...but this isn't your fault," I explained, squeezing his hand a little.

"It is I-"

"Let me speak, dear. I have a piece," I said to him quietly, gently rubbing the top of his hand. "I know you think very highly of me. You tell me so often. I don't think that I can handle all that you think I can. I don't think I was meant for this life. Paparazzi bothers me. The business bothers me. The bodyguards bother me. And they didn't. They didn't for a long time. All combined though, I'm losing it."

"Miran, I-" He whispered.

"Shh. I've thought about this long and hard. I wouldn't bring something to your attention unless it was worth your time. I don't want to be the reason C&R loses it's heir...but I also don't want to be a part of that. The insanity of all of this is too much for me. I love you, but...but...um...well..."

"Be honest," he said.

I listened.

"I love you, but I can't have my life like this. It's just not the life I need."

"What's the life you need?

"Quiet...and boring...and not this. You couldn't give me that unless you gave up your life and-"

"I would do that."

"I know you would. I know that so well. But...I don't want that either. So for the good of both of us...I think...I think...well...I know that we should..." I sighed. I could feel more tears. Looking up, I could see Jumin wiping his own tears. Looking at Jumin cry broke my heart, and this time it was my fault. All I can think of though is my father coming home, angry at my mom's positive pregnancy test, and the realization that his life as he knew it is over. I can't have that happen to Jumin for my sake.

"I know that we should say goodbye," I mumbled. Jumin hugged me tight.

"Please don't go. Please don't go. Miran, please don't go," he whispered. I could hear him sniffing away his own tears. The plane landed, and he held me tighter, just crying and begging.

"It's best we let go now instead of later," I whispered.

"So...then this is our goodbye? This is it? You'll leave, and I won't see you again?"

"I don't...I don't know."

The truth is...I might never know.