What Was Missing

Seven: -Lilian-

On the car-ride back home with my grandparents, I cross my arms and stare out the window. A rapidly darkening sky and a mix of planted trees whip across my gaze, which match completely with the crumbling black tar below. They speed by like rabbits from a fox, and I fail to hold my vision on any single feature. Twisting my hair around a pale finger, I let my sight train onto my faded reflection, the speeding foliage blurring out of focus. I frown. Ugh. That face again.

Slowly, I let my eyes roam around my translucent portrait as I do so often, trying to find something I like. Nose too pointy. Cheeks too hollow. Lips too thin. Skin too pale. The only things I like are my eyes. Eyes.

Eyes are beautiful. I've always thought so, just one of my things. I just think they're so... oh, what's the word... mesmerizing. I could stare into my sharp, blue irises forever, losing myself when I gaze into the black pupil within. Endless darkness, like a pit of forever. A place to escape the world. My grandma's voice pulls me out of my trance, and I look up at her. She sounds depressed.

"...Lily... Oh, you poor thing. Why ever did you jump? Was it the foster home? School?" She's looking into the rear view mirror, and her face is creased with worry. Most of those creases, I know, have formed since the entrance of my mom into the Iss.

Oh, this is so awkward. What can I say? I was teased a lot, so I jumped off of a bridge? My parents are sleeping, so I can end my life if I want to? The foster home wasn't actually so bad for me, since we all looked after each other like siblings. So, what can I tell her? I don't like to lie.

I sigh, and face the inevitable. Have to say something.

"I'm sorry, grandma. I just..." I pause. Oh, why did she have to ask? I hate these situations.

"...It was just... too much for me."

She goes silent, clearly at a loss for words. She doesn't seem disappointed, just... well, lacking a response. She looks like she just wants to snuggle me up and never let go, and I can't blame her. If one if my grandchildren tried to kill him or herself, I would feel the same.

The rest of the ride is silent, my grandma at the wheel and my grandpa's snores filling up the car. I scowl. He's always sleeping, and I can never figure out why. Especially at times like this. I could never sleep that much. I rest my head on the window, feeling the gyrations and bumps of the road as I wait for a stop.

Finally, we arrive at my house. It looks so forlorn, so alone, the grass tangled and the lights out. The taxes have been payed for by my parents' abundant money, but nobody's lived in there for a while. Grandma and Grandpa decided not to rent it out, to save it instead for when my mom and dad get back. I sigh. Grandma's so convinced that they'll come back... I'm not gonna burst her bubble.

The car unlocks, and grandma starts to talk again. Grandpa snorts, but doesn't wake up.

"Lila, take anything you want, and let's go, okay?" Oh, I hate when she calls me that. When my Mom calls me Lila, I don't mind. When anyone else does... Well, it's different.

I nod my consent anyway, and walk over to my home. My old home, I correct myself. Why did they even bring me here? All my stuff is at the orphanage. Not that I brought that much. I pull the key out from under the doormat, unlock the door, and speed-walk in. There's only three things I want. Let's make a list.

One: The headset. My mom and dad, forming the company and all, repaired the original wrecked device to its former glory. It's not perfect, but it's good enough for me. I stride into Dad's office, fling open his third file cabinet, and pull out the wooden box he so loves to show off to me.