What Was Missing

Eighteen: -Lily's Dream-

My name... is Olivia.

No, it's... Lily. Both? I don't... I don't even know. I don't even know my own name. But I do know the despair-filled role I'm playing. Yes, as my feet pound against the unforgiving floor, ears ringing, face streaked with wet and sobs rolling past my lips, I find it very obvious.

I'm the one crying as I dash through the hallways, heavy weight of an unmoving friend pulling down on my strides, and I'm the one trying to banish the memory of his parents getting crushed by the largest foot in the world, a jet-black, fine-scaled paw. I'm the one with the lost kid in my arms, the dead boy who's attracting stares but giving none, the boy who was a friend and now who's gone. Somehow, though I don't look down, I know it's Max. The only person who hasn't been a jerk to me, and who I recall was my best friend in this other reality. Dead.

Not the best role ever, is it?

The exit speeds by me as I leave the castle walls, and a cloaked guard tilts his head, contemplating. I ignore him, however, and as a soft breeze settles in my wake, the faint odor of a recent rain envelops my passage. Sad, yet beautiful. Just like my life.

I continue to rush onward, the hard stone bridge making not a creak beneath my bare feet, and look down, surprised. Why are my feet bare? In the old world I had shoes... No, I woke up in the jungle...

The jungle.

As I approach the flourishing forest, with endless greenery and expansive trees that I faintly remember, I slow down to a easier sprint and watch as a single tear falls onto the mud-covered path below me. Max...

A faint drizzle's starting to form high up in the sky, and an old nursery tune starts to work itself into my head, sick and twisted in this gross reality. It's an ancient one, from way back when I was a toddler...

...It's raining, it's pouring... my new friend isn't snoring...

I always hated that song...

I trip up as I fail to banish it from my mind, choking in my sobs. I'm crying even harder, this place is so wrong, why did this have to happen, I want to go home...

...Squelch, squelch, tears and dirt... ...Blood-stains on your dainty shirt...

I turn away from the glorious jungle, though I have an urge to lose myself within it, and follow the thick dirt path towards a town in the distance. Maybe I can run away from it, run away like I always do...

...Pound, pound, feet on the ground, best friend'll never come around...

...No... I want this to go away...

...Eyes blurring, boy in arms, parents come to the worst of harms...

No...! I trip over a stray log, his heavy body rolling out of my grasp and onto the muddy path, and I grunt. Oops. I collapse into the brown, golden hood covering my head, and it masks my rumbling hiccups as I push to my knees for a breath. I hate this... This isn't what I wanted... Wiping my eyes, I try to rise again, but stumbling backwards, collapse into the muck...

...Black and fright, pale and white, cries herself to sleep at night...

NO. Don't bring that into this.

Surging with sudden adrenaline and rage, I haul to my feet, heave the boy's body over my back, and start to walk, eventually increasing into a full-out dash. I don't know where this sudden burst of energy came from, but as it clears away my sobs and dries off my puffy cheeks, I'm happy for it. My eyes are burning, but not with tears, and I can't explain the terrible warmth in my chest. My feet are lightning, my heart aflame. I've lost it. Pushed too far.

Darting towards the nearest village, close to the path I'm running down, I realize in surprise what the odd feeling in my heart is.

It's not strength.

It's not adrenaline.

It's not that sense of 'it's gonna be okay.'

It's not gonna be okay.

It'll never be okay.

As the first dragon-like villager becomes large enough to see, I know what it is.

The feeling keeping me up...

...is a thirst for revenge.