The Maiden Who Fell Through Time

CHAPTER 10: "Scorched Earth"

When I started to stir and awake from my catatonic state; I began to actually look around at the encampment that I was now in, taking in not only my new surroundings but my new companions as well.

I was still in a daze and honestly fucking exhausted both physically and emotionally...but I was also surprisingly calm? I know it sounds crazy, especially given everything that had just happened to me...but I found that there was this sense of weird almost disturbing level of calmness- not just in my current surroundings but also with this group of men as well. It honestly perturbed me at first; because I knew that it was unnatural and illogical to feel like this given everything I had been through, and especially given that I had no idea who these men even were.

As strange as it was (especially being that I had literally just met them...and well...their first impression of me was likely not an ideal one to say the least...), I felt as if I had already known these men my whole life. It was indescribable and almost felt like a kind of déjà vu...but being around them felt natural...like it felt right...it felt as if something was clicking into place.

I didn't like to put much stock in fate merely as a matter of personal principle...but this- this felt like it was meant to be...like I felt that I was supposed to be in the company of these men. I began to think whether my stumble backwards in time and all of my misfortune had been leading up to this point...up to these men. I didn't want to believe it...and maybe this was all just some kind of post trauma savior adoration thing...but maybe- just maybe it wasn't?

Maybe fate did exist and maybe she was indeed a cruel and fickle bitch...and maybe I had been cast the role of plaything and toy in her game. Would I then rebel against lady fate? Would I curse her for all the heartache and misfortune that she had afflicted, and damn her for taking away all that I held dear? Or would I accept my lot in this new life and take her stage and perform the lines as dictated and written? It was a real philosophical and existential conundrum I found myself in...and well, it fucking sucked.

I looked around the camp, and at everyone busying themselves with either one task or another. My eyes immediately had shifted towards the priest Father Beocca who had been in the midst of digging a grave. It hit me again like the crashing of waves. The grave was for young Juliette. Juliette was dead. Soon she would be buried. And soon she would be forgotten.

Nothing could be done to change it, to take it back (no matter how much I desperately wanted to change it or have it all be unreal). It had happened. It was real. And the outcome of this horrific event was chronicled in the book of history and time; it was signed, and the ink was dry. There was no going back.

Father Beocca had stopped what he was doing by now and looked over at me with concern drawn tightly upon his face. He beckoned Finan over and whispered something to him; then Finan nodded gravely at the priest before heading over to me.

"How're 'ya doin' lass?"

"I-I'm covered in blood..." I said (as if it hadn't been obvious).

Finan smiles warmly but weakly towards me, as if uncertain what to say. "Tis definitely a noticeable thing aye...but, we didn't wish to uh- well after everythin' that had happen' and all...the father and what not thought it best we leave 'ya to 'ya thoughts for a while. Father's no stranger to loss 'ya see and- "

"Is there a stream I can quickly wash up in before we leave?" I interrupt him by saying- looking down at my currently bloodstained hands.

"Aye, there is. I'll take you there, but you need to make it quick lass...as we've delayed enough as is. Not to be sayin' that all unkind and the like...but..."

"No, I understand. It's okay." I nod at him and beckon him to lead the way.

We get to the small stream and for the first time I fully take in my reflection (I looked fucking terrifying, covered in blood, soot, dirt and all manner of things). I quickly took to cleaning my hands, face, and neck.

"Why didn't the priest come and speak with me? You said he was no stranger to loss."

"Hmm? Beg 'ya pardon lass"

"The father- Beocca? He sent you instead."

Finan chuckles rubbing the back of his neck. "Ahhh...well I imagined he thought I'd be able to raise 'ya spirits some- since I've apparently the knack for painting smiles on the faces of women...so it's either that- or..." He laughs again. "It's either that or 'ya scared the living devil out of him and he sent me forward as a kind of sacrificial lamb."

I smile to myself at his words, although it is a meek sort of smile, and I begin to wring out the blood that had splattered onto me from my coat/outer tunic. "I do look a fright don't I...? And I imagine the events of last night were certainly unusual...I've- I'm usually...I mean I've never been like that before. I've never done that before."

"Aye, we weren't sure if we were lookin' at a woman or a demon sent from hell..." He says smirking.

I look up at him seriously for a moment- wanting to say something more and open up...but unfortunately, I lost all resolve and I completely chickened out. I casted my eyes downward, unable to even muster the courage to meet this man's gaze or even allow myself to be comforted by his chipper manner and cheeky attitude. I wanted to forget...to be comforted...to have my spirits raised...I wanted to be happy if only for a moment...but it all felt so wrong...so betraying.

Once again, I was becoming consumed by waves of sorrow. Silence penetrated the atmosphere around us, and I focused primarily on trying to rid as much blood from my person as humanly possible.

"Never killed a man before?" Finan asks, his voice quiet and serious.

I nod gravely.

Finan shifts uncomfortably where he stands and looks down to the ground. "Ahhh, look I'm sorry lass I-I didn't mean to upset 'ya...and I'm-I'm sorry about your friend the girl."

"Juliette...her name was Juliette."

"Juliette..." He repeats softly. "She was important to 'ya...?"

"More than you can imagine..."

"Ahh...I'm sorry for...well for everythin'."

"So am I." I whisper softly to myself.

"It...well, I know it's not any consolation to 'ya- but it does get easier."

"Which part?"

"The killing- all parts of it really...the doin' part and the losin' part."

We sit for the next few minutes in silence. I contemplate his words and think about what he has said and the implications of it. It gets easier. It will eventually become easier. It'll hurt less. I will someday heal.

"Erm, are 'ya ready to be headin' back now girlie?"

"I'd like to bury her back home next to her father if that's alright?" I interject- snapping back up to meet his gaze.

"Aye. That can be arranged...I'll have a talk with the father."

I get up and sling my wet coat/outer tunic over my shoulder. I march up to Finan and look up at the man for but a moment before throwing my arms around him in a kind of awkward hug. He immediately stiffens at the sudden and surprising touch that this gesture and physical contact must have given before gradually relaxing into it.

"Thanks, Finan." I say- my head resting against his chest.

"Think nothin' of it lass really..." He responds softly.

I pull out of the hug and we stand there for a moment just looking at each other- lost in one another's eyes. His gaze is intense, searching almost...as if he's not sure how to approach me or what to think of me yet.

I start to feel hot and I can feel the threat of a blush slowly creeping onto my face; I begin to feel incredibly awkward and self-conscious in this particular moment and in the presence of this particular man. I soon cough and avert my eyes- breaking eye contact and hoping to dispel some of the intense awkwardness that I feel.

"We...uhh...we should probably head back now...to uhh camp..."

He coughs and averts his eyes as well. "Aye, they'll be waitin' for us. So, right...uhh- we ought to get a move on then."