•Lucid Dreams• || Hwang Hyunjin [DISCONTINUED]

5: Erase

'I don't believe in magic'
The young boy said
The old man smiled
'You will, when you see her.'

***

My eyes were wide open, raw and fresh. Not a single blink. I turn to the side and look at my phone to check the time: half 4 am in the morning and I wasn't able to sleep. The whole night, my mind was crowded with so many questions. Why did I kiss him? How do I feel towards him? Does he like me too? The scene kept being replayed, several times. No matter how hard I wanted to forget it ever happened, I never wanted to erase it form my mind permanently.

Another 3 hours went by pretty quick as all I did was pretty much overthink.  Not a single blink of sleep yet I wasn't a single bit fatigued. It was now time for me to get ready for school and meet him again. A normal day to repeat but just with the increase of my heartbeat.

---

It was now 4th period where I'd have my 2nd lesson with Hyunjin, today. Time felt slow; almost like forever. The atmosphere was dull, sombre and empty as I sat there dazing off into my never ending thoughts. Muffled chatters were only to be heard as I muted the world around me.

The whole two hours were a bore, to be honest. Hyunjin didn't speak to me once. Every time he walked passed my desk, I'd urge myself to speak but suddenly block the words from spilling from my cursed mouth. Every time I'd try to make eye contact with him, he'd look away with a regretting look: a sea of sadness in his eyes.

I come to my senses as someone nudges me. I was now awake and the muffled chatters were loud and clear.

"Ey, the bell's gone and it's lunchtime right now." Arianna suddenly startles me. Was I really zoned out for that long that I didn't even notice the bell ring? It was really deafening, usually.

---

As we got to our usual hangout place, in the library the girls started chatting amongst themselves. I didn't really get involved with the conversations as internally, I wanted to be alone. But they wouldn't let that happen as once again I was interrupted of my thoughts.

"Luna, you've been quiet all day. Did anything happen at home or...?" Arianna asked with a concerned tone.

"Nope. It's just that it's that time of month and I like to stay quiet to prevent myself from throwing chairs." Part of it was truth, part of it was a lie. I was actually on my period and I would actually throw chairs but it wasn't really that. Not quite.

"Oh please. Something must have happened. Maybe something after school...?" Yuna raised a brow at me, hinting at the truth which I had hope to keep my mind off. Obviously, that failed. There was too much to think about that kiss. You know? The softness of his lips; whether it felt wrong or right; How I felt at that moment; How he felt at that moment. 

"Nope. Just the usual sessions." I tried to keep casual but clearly it wasn't working on them.

"Something happened. Spill." Maya crossed her arms and gave me a smirk. They were all killing me at this point. Almost as if I was being interrogated for some murder investigation; which I have experienced but that's something I like to keep hidden.

"Fine." I gave in. "We... I... I kinda... Sorta kissed him." I managed to blurt out.

"You mean, you kissed him like actually mouth to mouth?" Maya spoke in a shocked tone as so did the rest as they bombarded me with questions.

"Guys! Can we please not talk about it now? I really don't want to be haunted by it."

"Girl, you kissed a teacher- ONE CUTE ASS MOTHERFUCKING PRINCE and the damn irony is, he's your fucking law teacher! How is this not the most hottest tea anyone's ever spilled?!" Arianna pretty much yelled. Luckily the library was half empty and our area was in the deepest corner of the library. I still hoped no-one heard it though.

"Shhh! It ain't hot if he's been avoiding me the whole fucking day. The man didn't even look at me or talk to me lecture me even when I came 15 minutes late! I don't even know what got into me then but I'm embarrassed as fuck and I want to fucking cry my fucking eyes out and fucking jump off a fucking cliff!" I ranted purely out of frustration.

They all stared at me silent, shocked and dumbfounded. At least until someone had broken the silence.

"Go talk to him. Now." Arianna suggested though it seemed more like a command. I nod my head and build up the courage and confidence to approach him.

———

Marching through the hallways in large strides, my heels clicked constantly on the marble floor. Within no time, I had approached the classroom. Coincidentally, he was there as usually at this time, he'd be on duty or something.

As soon as I step into the classroom, I shut the door behind me and lock it. The slam of the door had eventually caught his attention as he looked up at me with a confused look.

"Luna? Do you need anything?" He questioned me as if he didn't know the real reason why I was here.

"No - Actually yes. Give me an answer as to why you were ignoring me today!"

"That's no way to speak to your teacher!" He yelled back, half angry half upset.

"Bullshit. I want to know why you have been avoiding me, sir! Even when I asked for help during class, you didn't even come to me! I thought after what happened yesterday, you'd want to-"

"That's enough." He slammed his hands onto the table, getting up from his chair. "Of course I wanted to talk to you about it, but not during school time."

"You could've at least told me to meet you after school!"

"Thats the thing. You always come after school anyways and since you're here now why don't we talk about it then, eh?"

"Fine. You don't know how frustrated I've been all day." I spoke between my gritted teeth. At the same time, my hands were clenched to the point where my nails dug  into my palm. Painful, but I was numb to it.

My clenched fist loosened as he approached me. Until he was only about a foot away from me, my fist was fully unclenched and my frustration went away.

"Listen Luna. I want you to forget about what happened yesterday, completely. I just want us to erase what happened, ok?" He spoke with a calming voice.

"I do too, but aren't you at least going to tell me how you feel? I really like you Mr Hwang - Hyunjin. In a way I shouldn't. And before we completely forget about yesterday, I want us to let our feelings out." My voice trembled with every word I spoke. At this point, my vision became blurry with tears.

"I don't feel that way about you. You are my student and I am your teacher. We shouldn't be crossing boundaries like this."

"Liar. You kissed me back. You're the one who didn't want to stop." I scoffed. "Tell me the truth, please."

"If I had pushed you away, you would've been upset."

"Stupid. Lies again."

"Fine. I like you too but as teacher and student, we can't proceed with this any further! We simply cannot speak of this again. Now please leave and prepare for your next lesson." He spoke with full seriousness. He seemed pretty solid with his rules. Unlike me he wasn't a rule-breaker or even a law breaker. I guess I had to understand in some way.

He was my teacher. I was his student. Even if we do have feelings for each other, we can't show it. Our love, forbidden by the law. I guess this was it. At least I knew he liked me back.

"I fully understand, Mr Hwang. See you after school for another lecture on the rules." My tears fell uncontrollably no matter how hard I tried wiping them away.

With the end of our discussion, I turn away with tears still flooding from my eyes. I had to erase everything despite the pain. This was the first time I had ever felt this way for someone. Yes, my stone, cold heart actually feel affection for someone only for it to be shattered.

"Wait Luna!" He shouted my name across the classroom.

"I think you should stop coming after school."
———