Marriage, In Name Only? (BOOK TWO)

Marriage, in name only Part sixteen

Marriage, in name only?

Chapter sixteen

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

After hanging up the phone with Carl I sat in the living room until dark had fallen outside. I still believed Mark was alive. I could not give up on that just yet. Maybe Carl was right when he said he needed to bring home his body. Maybe it would help all of us left behind to find some closure with his death.

My dreams about him have been coming a lot lately. I keep telling him to come home. And he tells me that he loves me and that he is coming home soon. He says that he is alive and I want to believe him so much that it hurts. I cry as I talk to him and he holds me close to him telling me everything will be all right.

It might sound sick or weird but he had made love to me in the dream and it felt like he was really there with me. I could smell him and taste him as we kissed. He ran his hands over my body and I swear that it was like he was really there with me. He made love to me and just before he left he said he was coming home to be with me.

I awoke with tears on my face as I yelled at him not to leave me behind. I never even told him about the baby either. Since it was a dream I had never thought to tell him that. But whenever I did see him I no longer had the belly of an expecting mother. I keep thinking that maybe Mark was dead and his spirit is visiting me and this is how he remembers me.

I decided not to dwell on it anymore. I at least had him in my dreams sometimes. I had work tomorrow and I needed my sleep. So I headed to bed and went to sleep. I pray that I will have another dream of him.

Carl has not called in over a week. I guess he must still be searching for Marks body. I was not sure on how to take it. Was it good or bad that he had not called me yet? I went to work and came home every night waiting for a phone call but also dreading it.

But by the end of the week I had decided not to wait for the phone call to come in. I went out with Rebecca and Kaylee to dinner and a movie. I could no longer sit at home and dread receiving a phone call that would break my heart in millions of pieces.

I told Rebecca all about Carl and what was going on. I could tell that she felt bad for me. But there was nothing either of us could do about it. So we made the best of it. She has finally finished her schooling and is now looking for work. She still works at Stella's café. But she is trying to find work as an Interior decorator. I am very happy for her and I try to show it. I am not that good at faking emotions. However, Rebecca understands and she does know that I am happy for her.

After I leave Rebecca and Kaylee I head home. I sit in the dark living room thinking of Mark. The phone rings and makes me jump. I reach to answer the phone and then stop myself. Could this be the call from Carl? Did I want to answer it is another question. I pull my hand back away from the phone and stare at it. After a few more rings it goes silent. I let out the breath I was holding in a whoosh.

"Stupid Carla. Just stupid it could have been Mom or even Faith."

I scream as the phone rings again.

"It has to be mom or someone else. It's too late for anyone else to call. Right?"

But I still don't answer it. It could be Carl with bad news about Mark. I didn't want to face the chance that it could be Carl so I unplugged the phone from the wall. If he called tomorrow I would be able to handle it then I hope. But not tonight. I'm tired and going to bed is the only thing that I really want to do right now.

I just want one more dream of him before I finally face the truth that he is gone from my life. Tonight I will dream of him and tell him everything before he leaves me. I will accept that he is no longer with me tomorrow but not tonight. Not tonight. Tonight was my last chance to be with him and I wanted him to love me one more time before I let him go.