Marriage, In Name Only? (BOOK TWO)

Marriage, In name only part twelve

Marriage, In name only?

Part twelve

Monday, August 16, 2010

I lay with Carla curled up next to me fast asleep. It was a surprise to run into Shelly. I knew that Steve would not know her. He is five years younger than me. So he wouldn't have known about her at all. I can't believe that I never noticed how Shelly really was. Yes she was beautiful but she was a very ugly person too. And her sister is just like her. How can they treat people like that I'll never know?

I was very proud of Carla. She stood with me. She didn't hide behind me or act shy. She stood up for herself. I didn't think I could ever love her.

This was supposed to be a marriage in name only. But now we are sleeping together and I think I am falling in love with her. How could I not when I think about it. She is very sweet and kind to others. And she is honest with me. She likes it when I am home. She tells me about her days at work when she comes home. I help her with the volunteer work that she does for the elderly people. I also like her friend Rebecca and the little girl too.

I wonder what it would be like to have a child with Carla. Is she on the pill? Would she want one now in our marriage or would she think it is too soon to have a baby? I look over at her and place my hand on her smooth stomach. Would she have a child with me? That was the real question. This marriage has changed from the original plan. I didn't mind really. I liked having her in bed with me. And not just the sleeping parts either. She was a wonderful surprise.

She was no longer that scared and frightened girl that I had saved that night. God to think it was almost two years since that day I had found her. But she has come a long way since then. She liked being with me in and out of bed. She also put up with me and my "clingy ways". She even encouraged herself to touch me in more ways. Just her small hand on my shoulder when she would walk by me or to hand me something.

I watched her as she slept soundly. I really wanted this marriage to take a different turn. I wanted her to really be my wife. I guess in a way we are. But I wanted to have her love also. Could she love me or at least to grow to love me like I have her. I knew that I loved her. I would never be able to let her go. She was like the world to me.

I decided to get some sleep. So I held her against me with my hand still resting on her stomach. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a baby with her?

I woke up early the next morning. Mark was holding me with his arm around me. I could feel the hair on his chest at my back. I laid still loving the feel of him behind me. His hand moved against my stomach. I wonder if he was awake and waiting for me to wake up. So I turned over some to look at him. He was still asleep though. So I turned on my back so I could see him better. He moved and mumbled something. I stared at this man who was my husband. He was a wonderful man and I liked him a lot. But that had grown into love. I loved this man and I was married to him. I think he liked being arrived to him also. I also think we could make this a real marriage. I think he cares about me more than he thinks he does.

He moved his fingers against my stomach again and it tickled. So I ended up laughing a little.

"Carla?"

"Yes Mark."

"Its early why are you up."

"You're tickling me in your sleep, Mark."

"Am I?" He asked still asleep.

"Yes but its all right though."

"Really. Well maybe I should tickle you some more." He said doing just that.

"Stop Mark." I yelled laughing and trying to push him off of me.

"Oh come on you don't won't me to stop do you?" He asked kissing my neck.