Hidden Whispers

c l a i r e // 17

5th August

As I write this, my whole body is shaking with pain. I'm hurt and I'm injured. I hate myself. I'm rotten and impure now. Mom, what have I done?

I didn't mean to do it. I honestly didn't. I was forced. But who would even believe me? No one.

The party outside is still bursting on and on. People are unaware of every shit they poured upon me. I don't think that I'll be able to recover.

The bottle filled with sleeping pills is right beside me. Should I? I don't think that I should. I should talk to Brianna about this.

She says that I should always write down my feelings. How can we write down about something which makes one feel hated?

The party was at Jake's house. The shattering of glasses and the sweaty smell of young teens should alone have been the reason as to why I should've left. Mom forced me to go with Em and Mike. And I went, being the child who listened.

The feeling of eyes on me was not something I appreciated so I decided to wear plain jeans and a tee. Immediately going in, I smelled blood. Ugh.

Mikaela, I promise you it was completely by fault.

You went to talk to your boyfriend. I took a seat in the corner of the room. A boy fell on top of me and after I pushed him away, another young hulk asked me for a dance. Fuck people.

Sipping on my drink, my eyes rested on Jake and you. Jake was giving me short glances and I was scared. What if he liked me?

Making my way out of the hall, I decided to go upstairs. I could feel someone following me. Ignoring, I went up and found the first room empty. Getting in, I closed the door. I brought it upon me myself.

A light knock made me open the door. There he was. Jake.

He handed me a drink and asked me," Bored? The party turned out worser than I expected."

"I'm sorry but I don't drink alcohol," I declined immediately.

"Hey.. Claire, right? This ain't alcohol. Chill. I wouldn't bring my girlfriend's underage sister alcohol." He grinned.

Why would I even think that he'd lie? You said he was the best.

I drank that hot liquid, Mikaela. The liquid your shitty boy gave me. And obviously I lost my power to control my body.

I remember him locking the door. My limbs were frozen. He came closer and took my tee shirt off. Everything feels blurry but I remember him taking my pants off and something went inside me. I tried to scream out. I felt crazily horrible. It hurt like crazy. I felt like I wasn't going to be able to make it. And then everything went blank.

I remember waking up after half an hour. Used, and thrown away. I ran back home, crying.

I'm just a material now, ain't I?

I'm sorry, Mikaela. I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault.

I can't write about this. It's ugly. I'm sorry Mike. I'm sorry Bri. But I'm broken now.

I will never be able to forgive Jake Mason. He destroyed me.

___________

♡