Our Lost Minds [Taekook] ✓

[Part 15]

I tapped my fingers onto the tabletop and nervously bit my lower lip.

"Can you repeat that again?" I asked with a shaky voice as I watched my beloved wife roll her eyes in annoyance.

"I want a divorce," she said again and lightly scratched the back of her hand. It looked like there was a completely different person instead of her. Her face radiated an arrogant aura, eyes clearly giving that feeling that this is a burden to her. Usually she was all smiley, careful not to hurt anyone's feelings, very kind and sweet.

Or maybe I was deceived by her act like I usually was by everything since I was born.

"Why? Am I not good enough? I can change, I promise, just..." I helplessly begged, but it didn't sway her from her main point she was trying to make.

"It's not you, Taehyung. It's me and..." she confessed with a deep sigh rolling out her mouth.

"You're perfect just the way..." I tried to interrupt her, because I knew what she was about to tell me already and I surely didn't want to hear it.

"Am not. I've cheated on you. Not just once or twice, you know. And our daughter? She's probably not even yours," she sighed and clicked her heel onto the kitchen tiles.

There it was again. How many times I had been deceived like this? A lot. Except that there was no one to save me in that moment.

"I-it's okay, we can try again, baby..." I started, but she just interrupted me once again.

"I don't want to, Tae. I don't. I am the scumbag here, I was the one to cheat on you. But you know what? You never loved me either. I am not sure why you keep acting like you do love me, but I know you don't."

"Oh god... This can't be, right? I love you, I swear I do! And our daughter! Even if she's not mine, I raised her. I love her regardless," I still tried to defend my position even though I knew she was right. What we had was always an imitation of the true love, perfect family model. We never were real with each other. Yet I was so scared to lose everything, because this family roleplay was what kept my mind in place.

"Listen. I don't want to play this shit anymore. You're trying too hard at everything, you're just perfect, but that's exactly what sickens me. You try so hard not to be abandoned, it makes me want to abandon you even more. I just want to finish it quickly. Without a court, if possible. Though if you want to raise a daughter, who is most likely not even yours, we will have to go to court because I'm not giving her up" my wife said in a business-like tone, clearly stubborn about changing her decision. She already knew what she wanted and, apparently, staying with me wasn't an option.

A long silence fallowed her litany about why she didn't want to be with me anymore. And honestly, I could understand that. I was tired of playing house too, but different than her, I didn't have an option. She already chose what she wanted to do after we go different ways, but me? I just lived because I had to, I felt pressure to fit into the social norms. However, I knew that the moment she leaves, she will take my sanity with her. How was I going to fit into those without the right mind?

After some time, wife clicked her tongue audibly and raised up from her seat.

"I have to go, there is someone waiting for me," she finally said. "Write me a message or something once you decide on what to do."

She knew there was nothing to decide anymore, she had already done that for me. I just needed to come into terms with this situation, which I clearly didn't want to. It didn't bother her though, she just passed through me and went outside. Me, being a lost puppy in that moment that I was, just followed her to the door.

I watched her click her heels on the pavement towards the car, sit in it and drive away without a single 'goodbye' or any other type of parting phrase for that mater.

At first I stayed there and quietly watched into the distance. Sort of empty, not even hoping she will come back anymore.

Then I broke down. I teared up and started crying like a needy child, pulling a scene for the whole neighborhood. Those tears weren't for her or my (or not my) daughter though. Those were out of pity, pity for myself. Why was I always getting played like this? No one would know, but it certainly happened and did that a lot.

Anyway, my outburst didn't last for a long time too. I brushed off my tears and I went back inside the house, found the bottle of the strongest liquor I could and drank, drank...

Until I heard the doorbell ring. It made me groan in annoyance, but I still stood up from my sitting room couch. I was quite tipsy at that moment already. It wasn't a habit of mine to drink casually, therefore I didn't need a lot of alcohol to get drunk. So I slowly, tripping over myself, went to the door to open it.

I gasped once I saw who was behind them.

The male was tall, handsome and looked familiar to death. His face was composed, but his eyes showed the rage that he tried to hold back. He wore a dark blue formal suit for some reason, which wrapped his muscled body pretty well.

The white shirt hadn't changed though.

"Kook!" I called at the older version of Jungkook at my door and drunkenly chuckled. "Ah, I probably should stop drinking, because I am seeing you Kook. I am so sorry..."

I lost the trail of my words and then went where the next thought popped.

"I am hurting, that's why you're here, right? I missed you so much... I know you're not real, but I still want to touch you..." I muttered and pulled the guest inside and he didn't resist me one bit.

Once I closed the door, I hugged the imaginary Jungkook as hard as I could and left a soft peck under his ear lobe.

"I wish I wouldn't have left you then. I wish... I wish you could lock me up again."

Suddenly, my imaginary Jungkook showed the will of his own. He raised his hands to hold me tighter and breathed out into my ear.

"I told you, hyung. No matter where you are, people will find a way to hurt you. You're only safe with me."

"I know, I know, you're right." I whined loudly. "You were always  right."

"Do you want me to lock you up again, then?" He suddenly proposed an idea which dearly appealed to me, yet I had to contain myself. As much as I could while being drunk, anyways.

"I do. Not now though. I have to go through a divorce first and also," I said as I remembered something that I wouldn't voice out ever... if I was sober. But I wasn't. "I can't be locked up just yet because..."

"What?"

"Seeing you after so long made me horny."

"Do you want me to fuck you?"

"No, you dumbass. To make love to me. You still love me right?"

"You know I do."

"I know you do," I broke out into smiles and wrapped my hands around Jungkook's neck as he lifted me up bridal style and that felt pretty real.

"Where's the bedroom?" He asked, but I couldn't really keep my head up anymore, so I closed my eyes and layed it on his shoulder.

"Ups-stairs," I yawned in the middle of the word, gaining an audible chuckle from this older version of Jungkook, that I was sure my mind just created as a coping mechanism.