Two-Faced || Cesar Diaz

Chapter Fifteen

*trigger warning towards the end of the chapter*

R O S A L I N A

I tie my shoelaces before heading out the door. "I feel like I really needed this walk, you know?" I say to Cesar.

"I think so too. God only knows how long you've been in that house for," he says shaking his head.

"True, I think I might run out of food soon. When we get back we should go to the store," I suggest. Cesar goes quiet. "Or, I could just starve. I'm really fine either way," I laugh.

"No, it's not that. Don't you think that it's just too, soon?" he asks me. I stop and so does he. The way he said it kind of offended me. Does he not want to be seen with me? I mean we are walking a little bit outside of town, but what's the difference?

"I don't really care anymore, Cesar. I already told my brother that I wasn't gonna stop hanging around you. For Christ's sake I even took a hit to the face for us. By my own brother," I scoff. I turn around and start walking back to my house.

I can't be the only one willing to make sacrifices for our relationship. "Rosalina, wait," Cesar grabs my arm.

"What for?" I continue to walk.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just nervous that someone that might know me will see and tell my brother. Or someone that knows you will tell yours. I don't know. I don't want you to get hurt," he says.

"Do you really believe that either one of them would hurt me?" I ask.

"Rosie, your brother already has," he says quietly. I go silent. Cesar's right. My brother has already hurt me and that was just because I told him I was going to do what I want. Who knows what he's capable of. How far he's willing to go. That's truly terrifying.

I never would've thought of my brother as this type of person. I never thought he'd hurt me at least, not his own family. "Got me there, Cesar," I lightly laugh.

"I really don't mean to hurt your feelings, Rosalina. I just want you to be safe," he says putting his hand on my arm.

"And I will be. So who's gonna get the food?" I ask nudging him.

"I can, just text me what you need and I'll get it," he says.

"Thank you, Cesar."

"Anytime." We part ways and I head into my house. I close the door behind me and go into my kitchen. I open the fridge and it's pretty close to empty. I start to look in the cupboards and they seem pretty stocked. I take out my phone and text Cesar what I need.

As I'm doing so, I hear something fall and it sounds like it came from one of the bedrooms. You've got to be kidding me. I quietly walk over to one of the kitchen drawers and grab a knife. I start to creep down the hall and all of the bedroom doors are open. I pass mine and don't see anyone. I pass my moms and it's empty.

Lastly is Javier's room. I peak around the door and see him putting clothes into a duffel bag. I breathe a sigh of relief. "How about use the fucking front door next time," I say as I stand in the doorway.

"There won't be a next time, so don't worry," he says still packing his stuff. Is he moving out? Where is he even going to go?

"Where are you going?" I ask. He may have hit me and have it out for me, but he's still my brother. I still love him nonetheless.

"I am moving out, hermanita," he says to me. He can't be.

"Why? Where are you even going to stay?" I ask him as I walk closer. I set the knife down on the top of his dresser. He looks at the knife and then at me.

"Really? Besides it's not like I live here anyway. I don't see a point in staying when there's nothing to stay for. I'm going to be somewhere I'm needed, it's none of your business," he says.

I really am going to be all alone. I don't want him to leave. "Look, Javier, I'm sorry for anything I've done. You know that everything's been different since, well you know. But you can't just leave me here," I say.

I just want my brother back. "I'm sorry too but I can't stay. It's time I move out of the house," he says.

"Javier, I have no one. I'm all by myself here. I'm taking care of myself on my own," I cry to him.

"That isn't my problem. Be grateful you have a roof over your head," he says.

"Fuck you, fuck you for everything," I spit.

"What was that?" he says turning around to look at me.

"Oh what're you gonna do? Hit me again? You gonna kill me this time? Do it, it's not like anyone's gonna notice. In case you couldn't already tell, no ones around. I'd just be another person in the paper, nothing new in this town."

The feeling I've had before has come back. This time I can feel it everywhere. It hurts so bad. I just want everything to stop and everything to go away.

It could all be so easy. I could finish what I started. Like I said, it's not like anyone would notice. Just another person in the paper. Another body taken too young.

Do I really want to feel like this forever? Because that's where it seems like this is going. It'll always be inside of me.

"Why would you even say that, Rosie? Why would you even think that?" he asks me in disbelief.

"Oh come on, Javier. You already hit me, it's obviously going to lead to the worst. You might as well just do it now. I don't even care. I'm tired," I say. I really am tired. He will clearly never let this Cesar thing go. It's inevitable someone has to die. It might as well be me.

"Stop saying that. I don't and would never want to do that. Look I'm sorry that I freaked out and hit you awhile ago. I really am, I couldn't stop thinking about it after I left. I hated the look that you gave me, I hated that I hurt you."

Meaningless words and empty apologies. He's clearly not going to do it, so I'll just do it myself. "Fine, the don't do it," I say. I turn around and grab the knife off of his dresser before running to the bathroom.

I hear him run after me. "Rosie what are you doing?" he yells at me. I shut the bathroom door behind me and lock it. I grab our hamper, that is surprisingly heavy, and push it in front of the door. Javier is banging on the door yelling at me.

"Something you weren't man enough to do. This time I won't fail, I won't be a failure," I say. I look in the cupboards and find my stupid antidepressant pills. They didn't even work, so I stopped taking them. Maybe this time, they'll work for something else.

"Stop, you don't even know what you're doing," he says. What does he know? I don't say anything and dump all of the pills into my hand. This time I'll take all of them. I dump quite a few into my mouth at a time and drink water from the sink. I even grab a couple of my moms sleeping pills. Once they're all gone I stare at the knife on the counter.

I look down at my wrist and see the scars from before. That little razor didn't help me before, so maybe it's time to step it up. I grab the knife and start cutting. I'm determined this time.