Two-Faced || Cesar Diaz

Chapter Sixteen

R O S A L I N A

I stare at myself in the mirror once the knife drops onto the counter. It's like I'm staring into an empty soul. My eyes are lifeless and I look awful. The color is drained from my face. Everything starts to turn into this big blur. My brother pounding at the door starts to echo and fade away. Before I know it, I feel myself falling to the floor.

I've been here before, but that time I failed. This time I have hope. But then I hear the wood on the door break and my brother almost fall to the floor. "Get out," I barely say.

Tears are falling down his face but I know they aren't real. Like I said, I'm just going to be another person in the paper. "Rosie, why do you have to be so stupid?" he says grabbing me. He shakes me before pulling me into his arms.

"I'm not stupid, just let me go. Why do you want to see me suffer?" I ask him. I can't really wrap my mind around what's happening at this very moment.

"J-just hang on, Rosie. Cesar's getting help, okay?" he says. Cesar? Oh my god, Cesar. I forgot that he went to the store. I feel so bad, I'm a terrible girlfriend. I'll make sure to add that to the list of all of the other things I'm terrible at.

"No," I say. Why does this always happen? Why do people want to see me suffer? Isn't this what they really want? For me not to be here anymore, to not be a burden.

"Just hang on," he says picking me up.

"It's too late," I smile. My eyes starts to shut and then an empty void surrounds me. I've always had this fear of dying, but I feel like everyone does. But once it happens, it doesn't seem all that bad.

I start to look around in the blackness that's surrounding me, but I see nothing. It's kind of scary just being alone. But that's when I see something far off in the distance, a light. But it wasn't like the light I saw the first time. It's different.

I start to walk towards it. Then all of a sudden I'm pulled into the light and fall onto my knees. It's so bright. I pull myself up off of the ground and look around. I'm in some type of meadow. There's mountains far off into the distance and across from the mountains is an ocean. It's breathtaking, I've never seen anything like it.

"Rosalina?" I hear a man say from a few feet behind me. I jump, startled, and turn around. I walk closer to get a better look at who it is.

"Dad?" I ask shakily. It can't be. He smiles at me and opens his arms. I run towards him and wrap my arms around him. I'm in complete disbelief. I can't believe that's it's actually him. I really must be dead.

"Rosalina, why are you here?" he asks me as he pulls away. He has this look on his face, one I feel like I've seen too much. It's the look of disappointment and sorrow.

"This was the only way that I was going to be happy again, dad. I'm fine," I say, giving him a smile.

"Oh hija, this isn't going to make you happy. You're too young, you have unfinished business. You must go back and live the rest of your life. Get some help, talk to your mother and brother," he says patting my shoulder.

"But, I don't want to. Besides, they're never home. It's not like they want to talk to me either," I say to him. I really am happy now, I think.

"But you have to. And who put that idea in your head that they don't want to talk to you?" he asks me softly. Mostly myself. He's right, I never even gave them a chance. But they also weren't trying either.

"I guess you're right, papá. I'm going to miss you very much," I say to him, pulling in for another hug.

"I will miss you very much too. But I will see you again someday, just don't make it anytime soon," he says, kissing my forehead. I laugh as a tear slips from my eye. I'm really going to miss him, but he's always right.

He starts to lay me down in the grass. "Now close your eyes, hija," he says to me. I do as he says and the warm sun on my face turns cold. Like a sudden shade went over my face. Sounds start to ring in my ears as I fall deeper into the darkness. It's getting louder by the second.

Then I hear beeping in my ears, and I know I'm in the hospital. I'm not exactly ecstatic about it, but I'm doing it for my dad. I slowly open my eyes and it's pretty easy to do so, considering there isn't many lights on. I look down at my arms and they're bandaged up. I try to lift them but they're too sore still.

I look around and spot someone laying down on the couch next to me; it's my brother. "Javier?" I call out to him. I see him flinch and he turns around and sees me awake. He shoots up and comes to stand by my side. I look outside and see that it's nighttime.

"Rosie," he pauses, "you're awake." He sounds like he couldn't believe it.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I sigh.

"Rosalina, they didn't think that you were going to make it. You lost quite a bit of blood," he says to me. He looks so tired, like he hasn't slept in days.

"What time is it and how long has it been?" I ask him, trying to avoid what he said.

"It's around one in the morning and you've been out for a few days."

"That's crazy," I say.

"No, what's crazy is that you tried to do it again. Are you stupid?" he asks me angrily.

"Javier, I really don't want to talk about this right now. Nor do I want to ever," I say turning my head the other way.

"You can't just push all of your problems to the side, Rosalina," he says to me. He's literally being a hypocrite. He can't say that to me when he does the exact same thing.

"That's funny to hear coming from you, someone that's been doing it this whole time," I scoff.

"What are you even talking about? At least I didn't try to kill myself," he says.

"Now you aren't listening, pendejo. I'm saying that I'm not the only one running from my problems here. You're never at home, you don't talk to me or mom, and you didn't even let yourself grieve over dad," I say to him.

"What was there to grieve?" It feels like what he's saying isn't even true. Like he's trying to hide what he really wants to say; he's holding back.

"Then what would there have been to grieve for me? Why didn't you just walk away?" I look him in the eyes and all I see is pain.

"You're my little sister, Rosie. How would I ever be able to live with that? I don't want you dead. I would never want that," he shakes his head.

"I saw dad," I say quietly. He looks up at me in confusion.

"What do you mean you saw dad? Like in a dream?"

"I was dead, Javier. I saw dad and he was wondering why I was with him. He said that it wasn't my time and that being there wasn't going to make me happy. I don't believe that but I came back, for him." I see his eyes start to water and a tear slips, but he catches it.

"He was right, Rosalina."

"Of course he was, it's dad." We both crack a smile and I feel a little bit better. Maybe I do have a little bit of hope for the future.