Two-Faced || Cesar Diaz

Chapter Six

*trigger warning. this scene includes self harm, depressive thoughts, and a suicide attempt. read at your own risk*

R O S A L I N A

I look around at everything, memories swarming my head like butterflies in your stomach when you see your crush in the hallway. A tear falls down my face as I let out one real smile. Who would've thought that it would come down to this? I sure as hell didn't. But I can't see it getting any better from here on out. No one will miss me, I don't have any friends that would. At least I'm sparing some heartbreaks not having any friends.

My own family won't miss me either, they'll move on. As life does when someone passes away. Maybe I should write a goodbye note, no matter how cliche. I go into my bedroom, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen. I sit down at my desk and start writing.

Dear whomever may read this,

I'm not sure where to start. I don't want this to be cliche so it won't be, it'll be me. I'm Rosalina Topaz and this is my ending. Sure it came soon, but that's life. It's full of surprises. I guess I have a little explaining to do. Did I ever think that this was something I was going to do? No. But it's happening, and I'm okay with that. It's my choice and nobody can stop me. Whoever may be saddened by my death, which I highly doubt, I'm sorry. But you'll get over it, believe me. Life moves on, death happens. I am a complete and utter embarrassment to the Topaz name. My own father had to kill himself to get away from me. I'm unlovable. I have no friends. I'm not happy. I'm not okay. But I will be. This is the beginning to my happiness. This life wasn't meant for me. I love you mom and Javier, even if you don't love me. You were wonderful and I'm truly sorry. But move on, I know you will. You'll be happier without me here.

Love,
Rosalina Topaz

Tears roll down my face but I quickly wipe them away. It's a shitty letter but it's the best I can do. I'm not very good with words or expressing myself. It's short but it's the best I got. I place the letter on the center of my bed and leave my door wide open. I go into the bathroom and look in the medicine cabinet. I hope no one comes home.

I grab some sleeping pills my mom usually takes. Since she works late a lot it's a little hard for her to sleep regularly. I also grab a couple other pill bottles. They're newly prescribed anti depressants for my mom. I took her husband away from her, I'm an awful disgrace of a daughter.

I grab a cup and fill it up with water. I shove as many as I can swallow into my mouth at a time. I've had to have swallowed about sixty pills so I take that as a good place to stop. It shouldn't be long now. To seal the deal I break a shaver. I grab one of the blades and hold it against my wrist. The tiny silver blade glaring back at me. There's no turning back. This is where I'm set free.

I start cutting and I don't stop. It hurts so bad, the stinging is almost unbearable. I cry out in pain every time I go a little deeper. My brain feels fuzzy and I feel loopy. I get a few cuts on my other wrist when I decide to stop. I can hardly function anymore. I feel brain dead, but I also feel a sensation of bliss. I can't feel the stinging anymore. I fall down onto the bathroom floor but it doesn't hurt. I just lay there, waiting for the darkness to come.

I'm a little scared of what's on the other side, but it has to be better than here, where I'm unhappy. I hear something in the distance, and I think it's the other side. But I realize it's coming from in the house. Maybe I'm hearing things. Everything feels so slow.

"Rose why are you home?" I hear my brothers voice echo from in the living room. This isn't good, he can't find me yet. I try to lift my arm to shut the bathroom door but it falls limp. I look down at my arms and there is blood everywhere on the floor and on me.

I pray that he doesn't come back here. But I guess that the praying wasn't enough. Why can't anything ever go right for me? My one shot at happiness ruined, I'm even a failure at killing myself.

"Rosalina?" I hear him ask as he gets closer to the bathroom. I stay quiet because I can't even speak to tell him to leave me alone or that I'm fine. I hear him standing in the doorway now. "Rosie?" I hear his voice crack. He drops to the floor and I feel him pick me up. My whole body feels numb when he touches me.

"Oh my god," I hear someone say from the doorway. Cesar?

"Call 911!" Javier yells at Cesar. I don't hear anything happening. "Don't just stand there call 911!" my brother cries out at Cesar. I hear Cesar's footsteps fade into an echo in the distance. "Oh Rosie," my brother cries. He puts his head on top of mine and my heart shatters. He'll be okay. I'll be okay.

"I'm o-okay, it's okay," I manage to whisper.

"It's not okay!" he cries. "I can't lose you either, not after dad." He wraps his arms around me even tighter.

"I'm sorry," I whisper before black spots start to dot my vision.

"No! Don't leave me!" My breathing becomes shallow and then the blackness wins.