The Gift of Memory (Armin Arlert x Reader|Modern AU)

29•Monologue

My name is Y/N L/N. I'm a spoiled rich girl with a father who has direct connections to the government. He wishes for me to be a lawyer and is even willing to pay for my education. But I would rather kill him than do that. I want to live in normalcy. I don't want his money or influence.

You see, I'm not a very good person. A very long time ago, I was a soldier. When my conscription was up, I killed myself to prevent myself from going home. But not before falling in love with a boy.

20 years later, I was reborn. I thought everything in my previous life was a part of my imagination from when I was a little kid. Maybe a dream? A play?

It kind of surprised me when I met the boy again. I was thirteen. It was at some single room school house. He was the teacher's helper for the younger kids.

When I told him, he was a bit unnerved by me. He thought I was stalking him. I couldn't blame him, yet it was still disappointing that he didn't remember me. He didn't reciprocate my feelings or memories. I was so sad, so that night I went home and killed myself.

That happened over and over again for thousand years.

In 1860, I was the daughter of an English nobleman. The boy was a poor orphan. When I tried to befriend him, he was executed for a ridiculous reason involving my father, who made claims that the orphan raped me.

Hanged myself.

In 1940, I was placed inside of of the army again. I fought on the side of France in the Second World War. The boy fought alongside me and we ended up to be stationed together. I accidentally killed him in a large gunfire after we were ambushed.

Shot myself.

In 1965, I ended up having a breakdown and stabbed Jean Kirschtein while the boy watched.

Stabbed myself.

Now, 42 lives later, here I am. I watched him from afar. I wanted to make sure he was okay. Then he approached me. It was hell in disguise.

At first, I was weary. I needed to make sure he wasn't going to get close to me. Then I became selfish. I acted upon my desires. I got him to love me back, with the sacrifice of others' happiness and lives. Would it be okay? To live like that, I mean. Isn't it too selfish?

That's why I feel as though I'm not right to keep knowing him. In my next life, I will do everything in my power to not allow him to know me. I will avoid him. I will not watch over him. I will not allow myself to.

I promise.

-

Y/N planted her clothes under the floorboards of Armin's house. Once she finished with all of her preparations, she made it back home.

She walked into her kitchen first, opening the drawer and allowing her fingers to guide her to the knife with the sharpest tip. Once she found the one, she tested it out by gently poking it to her index finger. Yep, it hurts. It'll work.

She plodded upstairs, a bit hesitant of what's to come. She finally got what she wanted, for him to love her, why would she give that up?

'This is to reset,' she reminded herself.

The pessimistic girl walked into her room and gently shut the door behind her. She placed the bottom of the knife's handle against the wall so the knife was facing her. She put the near center of her chest against it (a little to the left), and smiled sadly, her thoughts being filled by a certain blonde. Once this life is over, he will no longer know her. It's been decided. And after this life, she will live normally. She will not interact with him like he is special. Or act as if she knew him. Nothing of the sorts.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

She quickly leaned into the knife. It hurt as it pierced through her flesh and ribs. She did not wince, however, having been used to the feeling for a long time.

A stab to the heart. At maximum, it would take 3 minutes and 30 seconds to die.

She grunted and fell back, smiling and letting the blood flow from the deep wound with a gurgle.

"Reset."