Love and Psychopaths 3: Consideration

By the beginning of 2006, Joe has become a very good English teacher for adults with special needs. He not only teaches effectively but also inspires many of his students to become better people. He is proud of his work, which he finds much more fulfilling than his personal relationships. After the weight gain and eye patch, Joe finds it much more difficult to find romantic partners he is attracted to. He is no longer confident about how he looks. Nonetheless, he still dates, hoping his good conversation and charming smile will compensate for his new appearance he jokingly refers to as "the chubster pirate look."

Joe feels ugly and unattractive, looking like a chubster pirate. Yet as a gorgeous hunk in his youth, Joe also felt ugly and unattractive. It was as if his extreme beauty was an ornate mask, a mask that could temporarily hide the rotten personality underneath his beefcake exterior. Trying to live without this mask is incredibly difficult for Joe. Being single is also incredibly difficult. 

Between 2006 and 2015, Joe has two relationships. The first relationship is with an extremely intelligent university lecturer named Pamela Cassard. Joe thinks Pamela is very plain looking. He is only slightly attracted to her. However, because of his weight and eye patch, he thinks he should force himself to be attracted to Pamela much more than he actually is. 

Both Joe and Pamela have much in common but Pamela spends most of the time arguing with Joe. Within a few weeks of their relationship, it dawns on Joe that Pamela enjoys this. She likes constant debate for its own sake. She even says things she doesn't believe because she finds debating so much fun. She'd much rather argue with Joe than give him a hug. Joe finds this incredibly frustrating. It makes forcing himself to be attracted to Pamela much harder. But Joe stays with Pamela for four years.

On November 5th, 2010, the evening of their fourth anniversary, Pamela confesses to Joe that she has had three affairs throughout their relationship. The reason she gives for having these affairs is that she wasn't physically attracted to Joe and needed to have sex with men who could satisfy her. When Joe hears this, he feels shocked, confused, angry, hurt, and then humiliated.

During that same evening, Pamela tells Joe she is leaving him for a french businessman called Roland. When Joe asks why she is choosing Roland over him, Pamela responds that Roland is more self-confident, industrious, intelligent, and handsome. She also mentions that Roland has a much bigger penis. Joe is grateful Pamela doesn't say anything about Joe's weight.

In the two and a half years after Joe's relationship with Pamela, he gains an additional 3 stone. These 42 pounds make Joe feel even more ugly and unattractive. He stops dating altogether. He battles another more severe depression where he suffers from constant intrusive thoughts, inner voices that scream at him that he is both a terrible failure and someone leading a thoroughly inconsequential life. Joe finds it increasingly difficult to disagree with these voices, feeling both thoroughly unlovable and like the idea of suicide is strangely comforting. Joe can't shake the deep suspicion that he isn't good at anything, and the world would be a better place if he were dead.

What eventually allows Joe's depression to lift is a chance encounter with a dance instructor named Loraine Klein on April 1st, 2013. 

Joe quickly develops an intense infatuation with Loraine. To his amazement, Loraine confesses to Joe that she's falling in love with him. After only knowing each other for four days, Joe and Loraine begin a relationship. However, Joe doesn't tell Loraine about his struggles with depression. He's afraid that if he tells her about his mental health problems, he will lose her. Joe will do anything not to ruin this new relationship. In its first 12 weeks, Joe is happier than he has been in years. However, by the beginning of August, Joe's happiness begins to fade considerably. Joe becomes acutely aware that Loraine is very different to him. She can also be very demanding.