Falling [muke]

Chapter 19

A/N HELLO THERE. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH YOU ARE ALL AMAZING OKAY. I APOLOGISE FOR THE SADNESS BUT I PROMISE I LIKE HAPPY ENDINGS SO. ENJOY!

Luke

Calum was the one who found Michael.

Calum apparently couldn't sleep, so he went to see if Michael was still up.

He saw Michael was sleeping, so he was about to go back to his room, but he saw the empty bottle of sleeping pills on the floor on his way out.

He tried to wake Michael up, but he didn't.

I woke up to Ashton shaking me and telling me we have to go to the hospital. He refused to tell me why until we got in the car. Ashton was crying and I had no idea what was going on.

Once we got in the car Ashton told me Michael tried to kill himself.

All I could think was, if I hadn't left that night, Michael would still be fine. But now we don't even know if he's alive.

It's cold in the waiting room. I just want to see Michael. I haven't stopped crying since I found out.

I could've saved him.

We've been sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours and it's 4am. But I'm not even tired.

I don't feel anything.

Ashton and Calum know better than to ask if I'm okay right now, so I'm just getting worried glances from them every once in a while.

Ashton and Calum have been crying for a while too. The other people in the waiting room keep staring at us and I want to kill every single one of them.

I just need to hear if Michael's okay, but at the same time I don't want to know.

About 20 minutes later a nurse walks up to us.

"Are you boys here for Michael Clifford?" She asks, and I instantly stand up from my chair. I need to know how Michael is.

We haven't gotten any information yet. Since we're not 'family'. They tried calling Michael's parents, but when they told them their son tried to kill himself, they just hung up.

Ashton pulls on my arm signaling me to sit down. I sigh and sit down and the nurse looks through some papers.

"Michael's alive. We managed to stop the pills from doing any more damage before it was too late. He's stable but we're not sure when he'll wake up. He's going to be okay, though. We'll let you know when you can see him." She says, giving us the same fake smile she probably gives everyone and then she leaves.

I pretty much zoned out after she said he's alive. That's all I wanted to hear. I didn't want to hear the rest at all.

I just don't want any of this to be happening. I want to be back in bed with Michael talking about stupid things and him whining about pancakes every time he wakes up.

I love him.

After what seemed to be 5000 decades later, the nurse said we could see Michael. But according to Ashton it was an hour and a half.

Once we get to the room I open the door and run inside to Michaels bed.

"Michael." I choke out, slowly grabbing his hand.

He's still asleep, or unconscious, I don't even know what to call it.

He looks dead.

Ashton and Calum sit in the two chairs in the room sadly and I just stay kneeling beside Michael's bed and holding his hand.

"Luke are you sure you're not hungry?" Ashton asks for the 4th time. It's now 5pm and I haven't left my spot. If Michael wakes up soon I need to be here.

"I'm sure." I mumble. Ashton just sighs and sits back next to Calum. About an hour later a lady walks into the room.

"Hello, I'm here to ask a few questions about Michael. I know it may not be the best time, but it'll be quick." She says directed towards everyone in the room. I roll my eyes to myself.

"Okay." Calum says, trying not to sound too annoyed.

"Do you have any idea why he attempted suicide?" She asks. Ashton and Calum shake their heads sadly and I think.

"His ex boyfriend showed up at his apartment yesterday. He hadn't seen him in years." I say, my voice raspy from all the crying.

"And he was upset seeing his ex boyfriend?" She asks and I nod.

"Did Michael tell any of you he was thinking about suicide?" She asks making me frown.

"If he did don't you think we would've done something?" I ask, sounding more harsh than I intended.

"Yes, but we are required to ask certain questions. There's one last question. Has Michael been cutting for a while now?" She asks and my eyes widen. Ashton doesn't know at all, and Michael told Calum he quit two years ago. I don't want to see anyone's reactions.

"What do you mean?" Calum asks slowly. I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see anything right now.

"Or did you not know at all? The doctor says he has a lot of scars on his wrists and some on his thighs. And there were cuts on his wrist from yesterday as well." She says. A few tears fall from my eyes but I ignore them.

I keep my eyes squeezed shut and then all I can hear is crying, from Calum, Ashton and probably me as well.

"I'll leave you guys alone for now." The lady says and leaves the room. Thank fucking god.

I open my eyes and Calum's crying onto Ashton's shoulder and Ashton's just crying.

"He told me he quit. I believed him. I'm such an idiot." Calum mumbles after a couple minutes. I sigh.

"It's not your fault." Ashton says.

"He was trying to stop. He told me he was." I say suddenly.

"Wait you knew?" Calum asks, looking up at me. I nod.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" Calum asks, angrily.

"He told me not to." I say, my voice shaking slightly.

"He could've died, Luke. You didn't tell us because 'he told you not to' and now he's in a hospital." Calum says, frowning.

I bury my face in the side of Michaels bed trying to hide the tears that won't stop overflowing my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Calum sighs. After that we sit in silence.

A half hour later a nurse comes into the room.

"Hi guys, visiting times are over. One person is allowed to sleep in the room but the rest will have to go home or wait in the waiting room." She says in a kind voice. Calum and Ashton don't even have to ask to know I'm staying.

"We'll be in the waiting room. I'll see you tomorrow Luke. Try to get at least a little sleep." Ashton says, before leaving with Calum.

I grab Michaels hand again and rest my head on the side of the bed. And eventually I fall asleep.

"Luke." I hear and my eyes flutter open at the sound. I look around confused at first but then I hear it again. "Luke."

"Michael." I say quickly as I see his eyes are open. I smile with tears in my eyes. "Hey."

"I'm sorry." Michael says quietly after a couple seconds. I close my eyes.

"Me too." I whisper.