For You, I Would (boyxboy)

Chapter 7

“Oh boys!”

I rolled my eyes and nudged Nialler as my mum hugged the life out of us. We had only just walked through the front door and she was already getting hysterical.

“Mum, please,” Gunner called as he passed the entryway. “Let them at least get into the house.”

“Don’t you give me attitude, pumpkin,” my mum called back at him. “Oh you two are horrible children, Caspar.”

“Mum!” I cried.

She squeezed us tighter. “Well I wasn’t talking about Gunner, dear. I’m talking about you and Nialler here. Don’t you know you’re supposed to call your mothers every night.”

I managed to pry myself back from my mum and then help Nialler get out of her strong hold. “We are not, mum. We are grown men now. We can call our mothers when we please.”

My mother huffed and put her hands on her hips. “We’ll see about that, mister, when you need help paying your bills. Now,” she said. “You two have been on your own for just a few weeks and I’ve only gotten a handful of phone calls. And the majority of them were from Nialler.”

My mum glared at me and I sighed. I looked at Nialler and he just smirked and shrugged at me. He was such a suck up. He was always on her good side when I failed to make her happy. Such a jerk, trying to make me look bad.

“Mum,” I whined. “I promise I’ll call more, okay?”

I walked around her and headed towards the kitchen. Nialler followed after me. I heard my mother click her tongue at me behind my back.

“Oh you bet you will,” she muttered after me.

Nialler chuckled and I glared over my shoulder at him for a couple seconds. The three of us filed into the dining room and saw Nialler’s parents sitting at the table with my dad. Gunner was standing in the kitchen looking into the room.

Karen stood up and gave us a hug almost as restricting as my mother had. But thankfully she wasn’t as hostile as my mum could be. Karen was a lot more laid back and it didn’t typically bother her if we didn’t call her every five minutes.

“How are you guys doing?” Karen asked when she let us go.

“Great, ma,” Nialler said.

“What kind of answer is that, Nialler?” she asked.

“What he means is,” I said.  “We’re doing fine. We love our place and we’re still happily alive.”

“Good to hear, honey,” Karen said.

She smiled and patted me on the back. My mum came over a moment later and they went into the kitchen to finish dinner. I watched as Gunner snatched up a roll from the counter. He barely got out of the kitchen without being smacked by our mothers.

I laughed along with Nialler as Gunner came strolling out to greet us. Our dads were still sitting down and talking about some sport. I think it was football but I couldn’t be positive. I wasn’t that into sports anyway so I would not be able to join that conversation easily.

“What’s Mick up to?” Gunner asked Nialler.

Nialler shrugged in return. “Beats me, kiddo. I hardly talk to him anymore. I don’t really care anyway.”

Gunner frowned. “Yeah, but he’s your brother, Ni.”

“So what,” he said. “He’s also your age. That doesn’t really make a difference does it? He’s not really interested in us, is he? All Mick cares about are his spoiled, pompous private school friends. You know that.”

“Jeez,” Gunner said.

Nialler looked at me and I gave him a disapproving look. I was standing right next to him and slyly pinched his hip while my brother munched on his stolen dinner roll.

“Calm down, you don’t have to act like an ass,” I whispered in his ear.

“Anyway,” Gunner said. “What have you two been up to today?”

I could hear the undertone in his words and I sent him a warning glare. Gunner snickered and looked at his roll in his hands. Nialler was completely unaware of what was going on and I was very happy about that.

“We slept like all day, man,” Nialler said.

Gunner glanced up at me. I set my jaw and stared him down. I swear if he made any comments I was going to tackle him right there in the dining room. I didn’t even care if my mum was going to murder me for ruining dinner. I would do anything to shut my loudmouth brother up if I had to.

“Well,” Gunner said with a sly little smirk on his face. “So you two have been in bed all day?”

Nialler-the oblivious boy, bless his soul--nodded, having no idea what was happening. “Yeah, it was nice too. We didn’t get out of bed until three I think. Right, Casp?”

Nialler looked at me and I quickly smiled and nodded. “Mhm.”

“Yeah and we probably would have stayed in bed if it wasn’t for my dad calling to make sure we were getting ready to come to dinner,” he said.

Gunner just smiled broadly at us. I wanted to beat him for acting like this. “I see,” he said. Then he walked out of the room without saying anything else.

Nialler turned to me and gave me funny look. “What is up with him?”

“Nothing,” I said calmly. “He’s just stupid like usual.”

“Oh. Okay then.”

“Sit sit sit,” Karen said as she came back into the room. She was carrying the dishes of food and my mum was following her to the table.

Nialler and I went and sat down next to each other on one side of the table as our mothers went back into the kitchen to get the rest of the food. Gunner strolled back into the dining room and sat down on Nialler’s other side.

After everyone was seated we passed around the dishes until our plates were full. Then we started to eat while we made small talk.

“So boys,” my dad said as he cut his steak. “How are your classes going?”

“Great. They’re not too bad so far,” I answered.

“That’s good to hear,” Nialler’s dad said. “Nialler you’re keeping up with your work, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Nialler answered. “I’ve worked at the gallery pretty much every other day for the last two weeks. It’s going good.”

“You’re not going out too often are you?” my mum asked.

“No, ma’am,” I said. “Honestly you worry too much.”

“I’m your mother, I’m completely entitled to worry as little or as much as I want to. Isn’t that right, Caspar?”

“Yes, isn’t that right?” Gunner asked cheekily.

“Gunner,” my dad said. “You’re mother wasn’t talking to you.”

Gunner snickered quietly and looked down at his plate. “Yes, sir.”

I sighed. My mum was staring at me, waiting for an answer to her question. “Yes ma’am. You’re allowed to worry all you want.”

“Good,” she said. “Now that we’ve got that cleared up, how is your work going?”

“Brilliant. I’ve had a couple shoots the last few weekends and they’ve been good. Nialler’s gotten a lot of sketching done, too, when he came with.”

“Oh that’s so nice, honey,” my mum said to him.

“Are you two still following the all the laws and not running around with too many girls?” Karen asked.

Gunner laughed loudly. I reached behind Nialler and punched him on the arm. That only made Gunner laugh harder and Nialler started as well.

“Caspar!” my father said. “No violence at the dinner table. You know better. And you, Gunner, know fully well how to behave yourself, so start doing so.”

I grumbled, “Yes sir,” at the same time Gunner chuckled it. I glared at him. Nialler met my eyes and bumped his knee against mine. The action succeeded in getting me to calm down. We both knew that these dinners were no joke to our parents.

We were supposed to be respectful and wonderful little children when these nice dinners were going on. At least while we were eating. Before and after, we could pretty much act however we liked. But while we were sitting at the table and eating, we were expected to be on our best behaviours and answer them using respectful titles.

We didn’t normally have problems unless Gunner provoked me. Or when Mick was there. When Mick was around it was almost impossible to have a decent dinner unless Nialler and him were seated far away from each other and weren’t forced to have a conversation together.

“Good,” my father said. He went right back to eating his potatoes.

“So?” Karen asked.

“No ma’am,” Nialler said. “We’ve been perfect little angels, I promise.”

Nialler smiled and Karen gave him a look. “That better not be attitude, young man.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, ma’am.”

“Yeah, I bet,” she said.

“Now Caspar,” my mother said. “How’s your sleep been? Are you getting enough each night? You know you need a solid eight hours at least.”

I froze and stared down at my plate. If there was anything I hated in this world, it was when my mother did this to me. I couldn’t stand talking about my sleeping disorder and the woman knew it. But no, she always had to bring it up at the worst times.

I felt Nialler tense up next to me and even Gunner was silent this time. They both clearly understood how I felt about this subject. It just really irked me that my mother never seemed to take the hint.

“Caspar, your mother asked you a question,” my dad said after a moment.

I continued to stare at my plate as I spoke. “Yes, I’m getting enough sleep.”

“And you aren’t getting too much sleep are you? You know the doctors say that if you start to mess with your sleeping pattern all your progress will be ruined.”

“No, I’m not getting too much sleep,” I said, almost grumbling at my mum.

“Nialler, you’re making sure he’s doing alright with that whole problem, right?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Nialler answered immediately. “Caspar’s doing great.”

“God, mother!” I said finally. I was not in the mood to sit here and listen to her go on. “Why do you have to do that? I’m eighteen for crying out loud. I don’t need him to babysit me. And how many times do I have to tell you to stop talking about this?”

“Caspar, don’t disrespect your mother like that!” my dad said.

“What and she’s allowed to disrespect me at the dinner table? It’s a touchy subject, okay? I don’t want to talk about it every time we have a dinner!”

“Caspar I only asked you a few questions,” my mum said. “Now quit acting like a child and eat your dinner.”

I glared at her. Nialler discreetly gripped my leg right above my knee. I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but it just wasn’t working. My mother was just making me so upset.

I stood up. “No,” I said. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going home.”

I started to walk out of the room and I heard Nialler scramble out of my chair. My parents started arguing. Karen and Corey started up a nice enough conversation with Gunner to make things less awkward for the three of them. I stormed out of the house and dug my car keys out of my pocket.

Nialler ran out after me and caught me by the hand. “Caspar, please stop.”

I kept walking, refusing to say anything. I was just so annoyed right now. I went up to my car, pulling Nialler along with me since he failed to let go of my hand. I unlocked the door with one hand and pulled it open. I stood in front of it and said nothing.

“Caspar, please calm down. You know it’s not safe to drive when you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry,” I snapped.

“Yeah, well you just proved otherwise, babe.”

I looked up at him and studied his face. Why did he have to be so amazing? I hated how wonderfully nice and beautiful he was. Just twenty-four hours ago I’d never thought of him in any way other than him being my best friend. And now I was staring into his eyes and all I could think about was what it would feel like to kiss him.

I growled and pushed Nialler back a couple steps. I walked past him and shoved my keys into his hands. “Fine, Ni. You drive. But I want to go home right now.”

“Alright,” he said.

We both got into the car and Nialler started to drive back to our apartment. The ride was completely silent. I wasn’t about to talk and he knew better than to start with me. We didn’t even have the radio on for the drive.

Once we got back to our complex, we took the elevator up to our floor and went straight for our apartment. I opened the door quickly. I was still feeling irritated from what happened at my parent’s house. I knew I would be getting a call within the next couple days. It was just a matter of whether it would be a call where I got told off or one where my parents apologized to me for ages.

I roughly kicked my shoes off and walked away from the entryway without turning any lights on. Behind me, I heard Nialler trip over my shoes in the dark. There was a loud thud from him falling to the floor.

I instantly felt really bad and went back over to him. I flipped the light on and saw him laying flat on his back. I was surprised to see that he was smiling up at me. After only a few seconds of staring down at him I started to get suspicious.

I went to back away from him and before I could Nialler kicked the back of my knee. Then I was tumbling down to the ground next to him. We both started laughing and before long we were play fighting and wrestling with each other.

Nialler grabbed me around the waist just before he rolled over onto his back. His chest was pressed to my own back and we kept rolling until I was on my stomach. Nialler was laying on top of me and I was laughing my head off.

“Get off of me,” I told him as I continued to laugh.

Nialler sat up and kept pinning me down. “Not if you’re going to keep acting like a prick,” he said. I could hear the slight serious hint in his joking voice.

I sighed and stopped struggling. I remained still on the carpet while Nialler sat on top of me. He didn’t say anything and neither did I for a while. When I heard him sigh loudly, I gave in.

“Fine. I’m calm enough now anyway,” I said. “Just get off.”

Nialler slid off of me and laid down right next to me. He looked into my eyes and I almost shuddered. I cursed inside of my head. I just couldn’t understand where these new feelings were coming from. Nialler was supposed to be my best friend and that was it. Our relationship didn’t have room for complications like these stupid gay feelings that were floating through my mind.

“So,” Nialler said, bringing me from my reverie. “I’m off now. Want to talk?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. I took a deep breath. “Not really.”

Nialler poked me in the side. I cracked an eye open and looked at him. “What?”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” he asked. He batted his eyelashes at me and gave me a sweet smile.

I groaned and shut my eyes again. “Shut up. Quit being so nice, okay?”

Nialler chuckled. I felt him grab my hand in his and I actually had to stop myself from reacting. Because the only things I wanted to do were either kiss the hell out of him or shove him away, screaming in frustration. But instead of doing either, I just stayed silent and didn’t move.

“Caspy?”

I swallowed. “Yeah?”

“I’m sick of laying on the floor. Can we go to your bed or something?”

This time I opened my eyes and looked over at him. The way Nialler had said that was just different. I can’t explain how, but it just seemed different than normal. As I studied him, I couldn’t help but start to wonder if he reciprocated any fraction of what I was beginning to feel for him.

I cleared my throat and sat up. “Yeah, sure.”

I stood and helped Nialler up. We went to my room and after we stripped down to the usual we got back into my bed for the second time today. I tried my best not to stare at his body, but it was a difficult feat.

Every second I was around him he was growing more and more attractive. And, God, that stupid tattoo of his was very distracting. It kept catching my attention and then my blasted eyes would wander down to the crotch of his briefs. On more than one occasion before we climbed into bed, I had to stop myself from staring at his junk and having weird thoughts so Nialler wouldn’t notice.

I yawned as I laid under my covers. Nialler was laying next to me but he wasn’t touching me. I was both glad and disappointed about that. I stared up into the darkness for the longest time just thinking.

Everything was just so confusing to me. I liked Nialler as more than a friend. I could admit that at least, but it was just such a weird concept. The worst part of all this wasn’t wondering if Nialler felt the same, it was wondering if this made me gay.

Was it possible to have such strong gay feelings and sexual attractions to a specific someone of the same gender and not be gay? I kind of hoped so. I mean, I didn’t have anything against gay people. I just didn’t think that was the kind of lifestyle I wanted. I knew I didn’t really have a choice on what I was attracted to, though. And if it meant that I was at the very least gay, then I would have to deal with that.

It would be extremely tough, though. I didn’t even know how I would handle it. Would I just suppress every gay thought and emotion I ever had? Or would I actually get over my fears of being judged by society and maybe one day be willing to act on those urges? At this point in time, I had absolutely no idea. Frankly, I was just glad that Nialler was the only case of this new revelation.

I turned my head to look at my best friend. He was snoring, already asleep. I smiled fondly at the sight. I carefully leaned over towards him. I had no idea what possessed me to do it, but I found myself pressing a lingering kiss on his cheek, very close to his mouth. Before I pulled back I whispered into his ear.

“I love you, Nialler.”

I’d said it a million times before. And he’d said it a million times back. But this time I knew it was different. Because now I didn’t love him. Now I was actually in love with Nialler. It scared the hell out of me and made my heart melt at the same time.

****

“Go away, Ni!” I yelled.

I was sitting on the couch next to Nialler and he kept messing with me. I started to laugh loudly when he playfully jabbed me a few times in the ribs. I swatted his hand away as best I could, but to no avail. This was absolute torture. I was the most ticklish on my ribs and Nialler knew it. That was why he kept poking me there. And I jumped nearly a foot in the air every time he did so.

Nialler had the biggest smile on his face. I was starting to feel embarrassed because of all the attention he was giving me. I was thankful that my slightly-reddened cheeks were unnoticed due to all the laughing and struggling.

He stopped for a second and smiled at me. I gave him a serious, warning face to try and convince him to stop. Nialler turned his head and it looked like he was going to get up and walk away. I relaxed and took in a deep breath to calm myself. Then Nialler whipped back around and swiftly pushed me backwards onto the couch.

I let out a little yell of surprise. My eyes widened in shock as soon as Nialler climbed on top of me. I was seriously concerned that a certain part of my body might enjoy this a little bit too much. But then Nialler grinned evilly at me and began to tickle me over my ribs once more. I started squirming around underneath him, trying to push him off of me.

I barked out a laugh and stared into Nialler’s eyes as he hovered above me. I grabbed his hands in mine and eventually forced them to stay still. I was panting, trying to get my breath back, and Nialler was smiling down at me. I could have sworn I saw something flicker in his eyes as he looked at me.

I racked my brain for something to say. He looked so gorgeous right now. His curls were getting long and a few of them were hanging in front of his eyes. His hands were rough, yet soft, as I held onto them. I’d never thought of it before, but his hands seemed to fit so perfectly in mine.

I studied his face. The light dusting of freckles across his nose and underneath his eyes was so attractive. His long eyelashes that were blacker than coal made his eyes pop beautifully. And that half-smirk, half-smile of his drove me crazy.

Without thinking, I said, “Nialler, I--”

The knock on the door was so loud that it made both of us jolt back a little. Since the living room was so close to the main apartment door, I could hear the loud voices coming from the building’s hallway. I had completely forgotten that our friends were coming over.

Nialler laughed easily and rolled off of me. I laid there on my back and watched him. He pulled me into a sitting position and kept hold of my hand.

There was another loud knock on the door. “Dude!” Callum called through the wood.

Ignoring him, Nialler said to me, “What were you going to say?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. I was just going to remind you that those three would be here soon,” I lied.

Nialler hesitated. A second later his expression was unreadable as he stood up. “Alright then.”

One of the boys pounded on the door again. “Somebody better come get the door!” Houston yelled.

“Yeah, yeah, keep your panties on ladies,” Nialler called to them.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair as he walked over to the door. I was an absolute idiot for what I had been about to say to him. Truthfully, I was glad that I had been interrupted. I didn’t even know what I would have done if I had actually managed to tell Nialler how I felt right before our friends showed up. Everything would have been so awkward.

It was really hard to spend every second of every day with Nialler now that I had accepted my feelings towards him. I knew I glanced too often, stared too long. He was gorgeous, though. His personality was to die for. Loving him just enhanced all the normal feelings two friends would have. I just didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing yet.

I shook my dark feelings off and pulled myself together just in time for everyone to file into the room. I stood and walked over to greet them. Nialler and Houston were talking about something and laughing before they walked into the kitchen. I met Seph and Callum halfway into the living room.

I smiled at them. “What’s up guys?”

“Not much man,” Seph said.

He clapped my hand and pulled me into a hug. I released Seph and repeated the action with Callum. Then I led them over to the couch and we all sat down. Seph opened his bag and took out his laptop. I heard laughter coming from the kitchen.

I set my feet up on the coffee table and looked at Callum on my left. “What are they talking about?”

Callum shook his head and smiled. I heard Seph chuckle on the other side of me. “Yesterday after we all got done filming the video, you know?” I nodded, urging him to elaborate. “Well when you and Ni went home last night, Houston got invited to his sister, Brittany’s, house party.”

“Is she the one who lives in this neighborhood?” I asked.

“No, that’s Vanessa.”

“Oh. So she’s the one who lives in Beverly Hills?”

Seph laughed. “No. That would be Clarissa.”

“Brittany’s the one who lives with her twenty-six year old boyfriend in Rampart Village,” Callum said.

“Oh,” I said. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know which one you’re talking about. She’s got blonde hair and huge tits, right?”

Callum nodded while Seph laughed. “Yeah that’s her.”

I sighed. “Houston has way too many sisters.”

“I know,” Callum said. “But anyway, so he convinced Seph and me to go with him just so we could get some free beer and hot chicks out of it, you know.” I nodded. “So we get there and a half hour later this tall brunette girl--”

“Complete whore,” Seph added.

“--Starts dancing with Houston. I mean she was totally grinding all over him and being a serious slut, man.” Callum and Seph were both grimacing at the memory. “She was hardly even that hot either. And she was completely off her tits, bro, she was so drunk. It was the funniest thing when Houston looked over at us with his freaked out expression.”

Callum stopped his story to imitate the look. Seph and I both started laughing at it immediately. Callum started to laugh too, but quickly went back to focusing on what he was saying.

“So then a minute later this guy who was absolutely piss drunk stumbled over to Houston and that slut and started screaming. He was like ‘hey, get away from my pussy’ over and over again.”

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. I just gaped at my friend. “Shit man, are you serious?”

The three of us started laughing and Callum nodded eagerly. “Yeah. Then the girl went and yelled back, ‘I told you--”

“I told you, you ain’t gettin’ any of it tonight!” Houston recited as he walked into the living room.

Nialler was in stitches as he followed behind him. The five of us kept laughing about it for another couple of minutes. I swear that had to be one of the funniest things I had heard in a long time.

“So then,” Houston continued, “the guy takes a swing at me. I mean, obviously he was so out of it. It took only one tiny little shove from me and he was down for the night.”

“Oh my God,” I said. “People these days are so stupid.”

Houston nodded. “Tell me about it, dude. But after that whole incident, I was so out of there. I can not deal with freaking crazies, man.”

“So what did you do for the rest of the night?” I asked.

“What we normally end up doing,” Callum said.

“And by that he means going back to the apartment, smoking weed, and playing video games until four in the morning,” Seph finished with a laugh.

“Hey,” Houston scoffed. “Don’t forget we drink the vodka my sisters buy for me.”

Seph chuckled. “How could I forget,” he said sarcastically.

“Wow, you guys live the best lives,” I said just as equally sarcastic.

“Hey now,” Callum said. He nudged me and I smirked. “Just because you and Ni don’t drink or smoke doesn’t mean your lives are better than ours, mister.”

I laughed. I looked up and caught Nialler’s eye. He smiled brightly and I almost shuddered. I quickly controlled myself and pretended that nothing happened. I mentally groaned. I couldn’t do this. The reason the guys were over here right now was so we could edit our new video while we did a live web show. If I had to sit next to Nialler for the next hour or so, I would definitely give myself away.

So that’s why when Nialler and Houston came over to the couch to sit down, I did something unusual. I tugged on Callum’s arm and made him switch spots with me. So now I was sitting at the end of the couch, leaning up against the armrest, and he was on my left.

Nialler gave me a weird look. I knew he was thinking something along the lines of where was he supposed to sit now. Callum motioned for him to just settle down on his left. Nialler looked adorable with how confused he seemed. I could tell that he was a little mad as well, though. I was surprised that it really bothered him at all that I was sitting next to Callum instead of him.

I just ignored everyone and got the website set up so we were ready to do the show. Houston was now sitting on the other side of Nialler and he and Seph were already starting to edit our interview video. Nialler was unusually quiet for the next five minutes while Callum and I got the site up. But as soon as we hit the button to go live he settled into his normal self. He was so convincing, I considered in my mind that he should be an actor instead of an art professor.

I felt a tiny bit bad that he was feeling a little upset, but all in all, I didn’t really care. I couldn’t handle having to sit here for an hour with him so close to me. He would have his hands on me in some way or another the entire time if I hadn’t moved. It would have been too much for me. I couldn’t trust my emotions to stay in check with so many people watching us.

It was almost nine by the time our friends finally left. I shouted a last goodbye out into the complex’s hall after Callum and then shut the door. I locked it and turned around to see Nialler standing a few feet away. He looked annoyed. His arms were crossed in front of his chest.

“What?” I asked innocently. I walked around him and headed for my room.

I heard Nialler scoff and trail after me. “Don’t you dare,” he said. “Do you mind telling me what that was about?”

I stopped in the hallway and turned to face him. I was actually surprised by how he was acting. “Excuse me?”

“Have you seriously forgotten?” he said.

Nialler was glaring at me a little and I almost smiled. It made me feel better to know that he was jealous. Obviously he wasn’t jealous for the reasons I wanted. At least I didn’t think he was, but I wouldn’t know unless I asked. And I wasn’t doing that. That would be far too embarrassing. So instead I just relished in the fact that I managed to get him riled up at all.

“What was that?” I asked him.

“You gave Callum my spot! That was so unfair, Caspar.” He looked a little upset and I started to feel bad for what I’d done. “Did I do something wrong? Because you’ve never done that before. If you’re mad at me for something then you certainly got your point across. I’ve learned my lesson for whatever it was.”

I frowned at his saddened face. I walked up to him and brought him into a hug. “Oh, Ni. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why did you let Callum sit next to you?” he grumbled.

“Why is it such a big deal?”

“Because I wanted to sit there. You’re my best friend. I don’t like sitting with him between us. It was boring.”

I smiled over his shoulder. “So what, you just want me around so you have someone to cuddle?”

Nialler scoffed again. “No. That’s not what I said.”

“Then what does it matter? Why are you throwing a fit?”

I knew I was phishing for an answer he would never be able to give, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was worth a try. It would always be worth trying with Nialler. Because if some day he actually gave me the answer I wanted--the answer I needed--it would be more than amazing.

Nialler got silent for a moment after my last question. I held my breath. waiting for his answer. I started to feel anxious. My thoughts were wandering and going crazy. What if he really did share the same feelings as me? I would probably start crying from the sheer relief of hearing that.

“I don’t know,” he finally said.

My heart sank. I wanted to shove him away from me and slap him. But I forced a smile onto my face. It was a smile so fake I wanted to throw up because it disgusted even myself knowing that I was capable of producing such a thing.

“I guess it’s really not,” Nialler finished.

I pulled away, that sickening smile still in place. “That’s what I thought,” I said. There was also a hint of forced cheerfulness in my voice as I spoke. God, I made myself sick sometimes. “Anyway, I’m tired. We have classes tomorrow so I want to go to bed.” I turned and went into my room. “You coming with?” I asked without looking back.

Nialler didn’t answer. He just followed quickly after me. This time my smile was real as I heard how swiftly his feet padded over the hardwood flooring. I may have been upset by not hearing what I wanted, but I was thrilled that he was that eager to sleep in the same bed as me. Even if it didn’t mean to him what it did to me.