Chapter 26

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Two hours after I left Anton, I was at Skylar’s. I was a lot more calm than when I had started the day. I felt confident for the first time in days. It was nice to finally be sure of the one thing that had been eating me up for ages.

Walking into Skylar’s apartment, knowing I’d been wrong about Nialler, I could breathe easily. The weight on my shoulders felt like it had been lifted. There was no more confusion. I knew I wanted to be with Ely. I mean, I had come close to figuring that out yesterday when I was with him, but after my talk with Anton and a couple hours of serious thinking, I knew for sure. I was crazy about him and even though I wasn’t sure if I loved him yet, I still knew it was him I wanted a relationship with. Things with Nialler weren’t meant to be anything more than platonic. And I was slowly realizing that that was okay.

Skylar pointed at her leather couch for me to sit on. I did so and watched her as she paced in front of me a couple times. My conversation with Anton had given me a bit of a confidence boost. I wasn’t as terrified of Skylar as I had been when she’d called me.

Skylar stopped walking and planted herself right in front of me. She stuck her hands on each of her hips and stared down at me. The look in her eyes was one of accusation and indignation.

“What are you doing with my brother?”

My eyes widened. “What?”

“Don’t play dumb,” she said. “I want to know what you’re doing with Ely.”

“Skylar,” I said. “It’s nothing.”

“Oh so you’re just fooling around with him and leading him on then?”

I sighed. “Believe it or not, I actually like him.”

“You’re with Nialler,” she said firmly. “And you’re with me.”

I shook my head disbelievingly and tried not to smile for fear she might hit me. “Come on. Skylar, you know we aren’t really together.”

She crossed her arms. “You, me, and my brothers know that. But my best friend doesn’t. Your best friend doesn’t. Am I still the only one seeing the problem here?”

“Jeez, you don’t need to be so hostile,” I said. “I’m figuring things out. I really like Ely.”

“Do you have any idea what he’s been through?” she asked.

“Well I know coming out at a young age is difficult--”

Skylar held up her hand and stared at me. “I’m gonna stop you right there.” I looked at her with confusion. “He was thirteen, Caspar. He was practically still a little kid and he was in middle school. Those are the years when kids are the most cruel. Trust me.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. I was doing my best to try not to aggravate her further.

“If you’re different in any way, middle schoolers will tear you apart. They’ll ridicule you and make your life hell,” she said. “You can bet your sweet ass that’s what they did to him. Ely had no friends once his classmates found out he liked boys. He used to come home every couple days with a busted lip or a black eye. They bullied the hell out of him until he hated himself.”

I listened to her voice with complete horror. I knew it was bad for anybody to come out, but I had never heard something like this first-hand. Even the thought of something like this happening to Ely had me lost. I didn’t want to think about Ely being hurt like that.

“He used to talk to me all the time about how he didn’t want to be gay. How he was ashamed of who he was because of the other kids. They called him some of the worst things a thirteen year old could imagine. Ely basically just moped around the house--never really leaving except for school--and the depression was almost visible around him. Caspar, it was a horrible six months for him.”

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