For You, I Would (boyxboy)

Chapter 17

I felt arms snake around my waist. Tiredly, I fluttered my eyes open as best I could. I let out a tiny yawn as Nialler snuggled up against me. His bare chest pressing to the skin of my back. It felt really nice. I had missed this level of comfort with him.

“What time is it?” I asked, voice full of sleep.

Nialler kissed the side of my neck. I shivered, enjoying the feel of his lips and hands on me.

“It’s two,” he said.

“Oh,” I muttered.

That meant I had only been asleep for an hour or so. Ely had driven me home at eleven thirty. That had been a little awkward, but it was bearable. Neither of us had brought up the kiss for the rest of the night. But I would be damned if I said I hadn’t thought of it multiple times. So that had made the ride as quiet as it was.

Getting out of his car was probably the worst part. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do or say. So I had lingered for a moment, hoping Ely would think of something. Luckily, he had. He’d casually leaned over towards me and given me a little hug.

It hadn’t been something I had expected. I had welcomed it anyway. After that, we’d said goodbye and I had told him to let me know when he got home safely. About fifteen minutes after I had gotten up to my apartment and laid in bed, he’d sent me a message.

I smiled a little, remembering our conversation. It was still a little hard to believe how well I got along with him--how much I liked him as a person, possibly more.

“Sorry it’s so late, babe,” Nialler said, bringing me back to the present. “I was just hanging out with the guys. You know how that is.”

“Mmm,” I said, almost falling back to sleep already.

“We put the new video up tonight.” I just nodded in response. He chuckled. “Your fans miss you.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “I don’t really miss them, though.”

“Well if you don’t want to keep up with all the promo, I’m not telling them. Internet people always kill the messenger.”

“Awh, you poor baby.”

Nialler kissed my neck once more. He nibbled lightly at the skin. I squirmed and let out the tiniest moan.

“You know, you’re a lot more sarcastic lately,” Nialler commented. “What’s up with that?”

I yawned a little and shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Nialler laughed and ran his hand up my chest. “I bet it’s Skylar. She’s snarky. She must be rubbing off on you.”

Wrong. It was Ely, I realized. “Yeah, it must be,” I lied.

“So what did you do today? The guys asked where you were.”

“Oh,” I said. “I just sat around. Relaxed and slept a lot.”

Nialler seemed to believe me. Of course, why wouldn’t he? He wasn’t here to know if I was telling the truth. And I had never lied much to him before. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. I felt guilty now.

Ely had told me it would make me feel better if I stopped lying. I couldn’t see how that was possible in this situation. Nialler would probably freak out on me if he found out about today. So in this case, I told myself it was necessary to be dishonest.

“That’s good. How are you feeling about everything?”

“I’m fine,” I said shortly. I knew exactly what he was referring to. “Can we not talk about this anymore? I just want to go to sleep.”

“Yeah, sure.” He sounded a little hurt. “Night.”

Feeling bad, I turned around in the bed. I opened my eyes and looked at Nialler. He had a small frown on his lips. I placed my hands on his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. He immediately responded and we continued like that for another minute.

“I love you,” I said, being completely truthful this time.

Nialler grinned. He rested his forehead against mine and looked me in the eyes.

“I know.”

I literally could have killed him when I realized that was all he was going to say. But I held back, bit my tongue, and turned around. I forced my eyes shut, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and forget all about Nialler for the first time in weeks.

*********

I picked up my phone and checked the time. I sighed when I saw that it was only half past noon. I was sitting with Nialler in the dining hall on campus--our usual for Mondays. I had already finished my lunch, but he was still eating. I smiled, thinking about how he was always such a slow eater.

“What’s up with you?” Nialler asked me. He raised an eyebrow as he popped a french fry into his mouth.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re fidgety. Do you have something going on?”

Yeah, actually I did. But I couldn’t tell him that. Ely and I had plans to hang out again. My last class of the day had been canceled, so I had texted Ely to see what he had going on today. Apparently, it was a half day at his high school. So we had decided that I would go over to his place when I got done with lunch.

Nialler didn’t have class until one, so that meant I couldn’t leave until then. Luckily, Nialler had mentioned this morning that he had to work right after his classes. We had driven to campus separately, which was unusual for us. Nialler loved riding in the car with me. Whenever he had to drive himself he whined about it for a while.

“Hello,” Nialler drawled playfully. He was waving his french fry in front of my face.

I snatched the fry from his fingers and bit half of it off. “Yes, I do have something going on. I have a presentation in my next class,” I said, lying to him.

“Oh. Well you’ll be fine.”

Nialler grabbed my hand over the table. He twined his fingers with mine and squeezed, reassuringly, while he smiled at me. Swallowing down my guilt, I forced a smile on my own face and just enjoyed the comfort of Nialler holding my hand. It was rare for him to act affectionate like this in public for an extended amount of time. So I was going to enjoy it for as long as I could.

For the next half hour, I tried to be less jumpy. It was a difficult task for me. I felt like at any moment, Nialler would suddenly yell ‘aha!’ and say that he knew I was lying. Then he’d slap me in the face and call off our little relationship. I may not be trying to get with Ely--I had sworn to myself that I wasn’t going to do that--but, I was still paranoid that Nialler would read too much into me hanging out with another guy.

Now, I understand that Nialler is dating Harriet. And I’m supposedly dating Skylar. It’s clear that our arrangement isn’t exactly monogamous. But the main part of that, is that they are girls. I had a strong doubt that Nialler would be as lenient in this situation if it came to me wanting to date another guy. I had a feeling he considered himself  special that he was the only guy who could turn me on the way he did. That wasn’t true in the slightest, but I would let him believe that. Because for some crazy reason I was still in love with him despite his lack of commitment.

Once one o’clock finally rolled around, and Nialler was safely in his class, I headed straight to the parking lot. I jumped in my car and began the twenty minute drive to Ely’s. I sent him a message telling him I was on the way. He had replied with a smiley face, which I had been delighted to see.

I pulled into the driveway and got out, locking my door behind me. I went in through the back gate, as Ely had told me to do earlier. I walked past the pool and spotted him standing there with the sliding door opened. He was leaning up against it as he waited for me to go over.

“Hey there,” he said.

I grinned at him. “Hi Ely.”

When I reached where he stood, he stepped aside, letting me into the house. He shut the door behind us. I watched him as he turned around to face me. He quickly threw a smile on his face and pulled me into a brief hug. I was partly stunned, and partly thrilled.

I felt something flutter in my stomach as his arms tightened around me. Then I frowned and came to my senses. I was not supposed to feel like this around anyone but Nialler. He was the one I was in love with. He was the one I was dating--albeit not exclusively. Either way, Nialler was the one I was supposed to have these feelings for. Getting them when I was around Ely was just nerve wracking.

So as not to be rude, or to hurt his feelings, I brushed the overwhelming thoughts away and eventually pulled back. I tried to focus on other things besides how tall and good looking this guy was.

“How’s your day going?” I asked.

“Better, now,” Ely answered. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling just the slightest bit awkward. “Come on.”

Ely brushed my hand with his as he walked by. I wasn’t completely positive, but I was convinced he had done it on purpose. I shook my head, feeling so stupid, and followed him up to his room. I went in first and walked right up to his bed. Ely shut his door and came over to sit opposite me.

“How’s everything going,” he asked.

I shrugged. “I suppose it’s alright. Why?”

“You still fighting with your brother?”

I scowled. “Yeah. He’s such an asshole. He won’t leave me alone. So I’ve stopped answering his calls.”

Ely raised an eyebrow at me. “Seriously?”

“What!” I said defensively. I crossed my arms over my chest. “He’s just really freaking annoying and I don’t want to hear what he has to say.”

“Caspar, he’s just worried about you. Have you forgotten about what you did to your chest?”

I scowled at him. “That’s not fair and you know it.”

“I’m just saying,” he said, holding his hands up in surrender. “From what you’ve told me the other day, though, he seems to really care about you. So I’m sure he just wants to make sure you’re okay.”

I let my frown soften as I listened to him. I sighed. “I guess. But that doesn’t change the fact that the first couple times I answered his calls all he would do was yell abuse at me and patronize me. It wasn’t exactly enjoyable.”

“Oh,” was all he said.

“Yeah. So just let it go. Besides, you should hear some of the voicemails he leaves me. They are not pretty.”

Ely laughed quietly. I admired him as he looked around his room slowly. He looked back at me and we both realized that I had been staring at him far too intently. I glanced away from those silver eyes and coughed.

“Uhm, what did you wanna do now?” I asked. “Are we just gonna play some more games?”

Ely shrugged half-heartedly. “Nah. I figured we could just talk.”

I gave him a puzzled look. “Talk?”

Ely smirked. “Yeah, you know that thing you do when you open your mouth and words come out?”

“Shut up, I know what talking means. I just meant it in a ‘why do you wanna talk’ way.”

“I know, I just like giving you shit.”

“So,” I said. “Anything in particular on your mind?”

“Besides you?” he asked with a laugh. I felt myself blush lightly. “Kidding. Well, how about what’s the story behind that tattoo?”

I looked down at my wrist. My eyes immediately found that tiny lightning bolt. I smiled fondly as I admired it. Ely took my hand in his, surprising me, and brushed a finger along it.

“It’s got to do with him, doesn’t it?”

Ely spoke calmly. I could tell he put a lot of control into trying not to sound accusatory or disappointed. I started to feel bad. I didn’t know why, I just had the feeling that I was supposed to feel guilty. It was a weird experience for me.

“Uh, yeah,” I said in a low voice.

Without looking up at my face, he said, “You can tell me about it. I’m not gonna freak out on you. He is your best friend, after all.”

I nodded. “Right. Well, he’s just terrified of storms. Lightning and thunder really scare him. So when we’re together and the weather gets bad, he always comes running to me. It’s kind of adorable, really.”

Ely hummed. “I bet.” He paused. I tensed up a little. “So what, you just cuddle him and shit while he cries about the rain? How romantic.”

“Hey,” I said. “You don’t have to get so dramatic. But you know what? To answer your question, yes. I do cuddle with him. It’s called comforting someone who’s really important to you.”

“How nice,” he commented. I thought I could hear sarcasm as he let go of my hand and gave me a little glare.

“We’ve been doing that for years, it doesn’t really mean anything.”

“Shit,” he said. “You’ve been snuggling up with him in bed for years and you just now seemed to realize there’s something gay about it. Incredible.”

“Why are you being such a jerk about this?” I asked.

“Well, damn. Excuse me for getting a little jealous. Is that a crime now.”

“It is when you’re acting like an asshole. Besides, I don’t really see how you’re exactly entitled to being jealous. It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything.”

“Wow.” Ely chuckled a little. I eyed him warily, not really sure what to do now. “Low blow. You’re a lot tougher than you first seemed.”

“Gee, thanks. Doesn’t mean you have to pick a fight just to see if I’m going to start crying like a girl.”

“Shit,” he muttered, staring at me in awe.

I smiled at him. Somehow, I felt a little proud of getting such a fond reaction out of him. It was nice to know that he enjoyed hanging out with me. As soon as the silence grew over us, I said the first thing that came to mind.

“You swear a lot. I’ve noticed that.”

I was rewarded with a hearty laugh. “Thank you.”

“I wasn’t saying it was a good thing,” I teased. “Besides, I think it’s rubbing off on me.”

The mischievous look that plastered itself onto Ely’s face immediately had me worrying. I tried to backtrack in my mind and find out what I had said wrong so I could fix it. Before I got a chance, though, I was cut off.

“My foul language doesn’t have to be the only thing that rubs off on you, you know?”

My face paled and my jaw dropped. My eyes met his and I just sat there, gaping at him. Ely inched forward and cautiously reached his hand up. He brought it down and rested it on the left side of my waist. My jaw snapped shut as his hand gripped tighter so he could hold on to me.

Ely pulled me forward, slowly. He kept his eyes planted firmly on mine. It was incredibly intimidating. After a moment, his eyes began to frantically flick back and forth from my lips to my blue eyes. I could see the nerves and apprehension all over his facial features. My heart was in my throat as he closed his eyes and brought his face closer to mine.

I licked my lips nervously. “Wha-What are you doing?” I managed to whisper.

Ely jumped back so fast, it scared me. His eyes sprang open and he stared at me in shock. I instantly regretted saying anything. He looked so scared and upset. I thought of how awful it made me feel when Nialler rejected me. I could imagine Ely was feeling something similar to that.

“I am so sorry,” I gushed. “But I have to think about Nialler.”

“Do you think he worries about you when he’s fucking Harriet?”

I shut my mouth and stared at him. I honestly could not believe he had just said that to me. That was simply mean. I felt tears prick at my eyes and I almost just wanted to let them fall. But for some reason I thought of how guilty that would make Ely feel, to see me cry. I didn’t want to do that to him, even though he had just said such an insensitive thing to me.

“Please just tell me you didn’t mean that,” I said, blinking back salty tears.

Ely quickly gripped my wrist. He gave me a pleading look, but I refused to meet his eyes.

“Caspar, I’m sorry. It’s just, I really like you. Forgive me for not being able to understand why you want to be with someone like him.”

“Because you don’t even know him. Not like I do,” I whispered softly. “He means a lot to me, Ely.”

I looked up at him. I had to wipe my eyes as they had started to water and I didn’t want him to see that. Apparently it didn’t work, though, because I caught the tiny wince on Ely’s face.

He brushed his thumb lightly against this skin of my hand. “Alright,” he said. “I can respect that. But I want you to know that I’m not just going to give up. I like you just as much as he does, if not more.”

“You don’t know that,” I argued with a frown.

Ely scoffed. “Yeah, okay. Then why are you here? Why are you in my bedroom, sitting on my bed, and telling me some of the most personal things about yourself?”

“Huh?” I felt lost.

“I’ll tell you why. It’s because you like me, Caspar. And obviously Nialler’s not doing a good enough job to convince you that you mean everything to him. Because if he was, you wouldn’t care about some random guy coming into your life trying to get your attention.”

I looked into his eyes. There was nothing but sincerity on his face. I liked that. I liked knowing he was willing to be so straightforward with me and letting me know how he felt. It refreshing. It was also nothing that Nialler had done for me in a long time.

Ely moved a bit closer to me. “Caspar, if Nialler was doing everything in his power to keep you at his side, that’s where you would be right now. He wouldn’t touch Harriet, and you wouldn’t give a crap about my existence. I know that’s a bit brutal and harsh, but that’s me being honest with you.”

“I really appreciate everything you’re doing, Ely.” I looked at him. I felt immensely nervous. “And I can see where you’re coming from. But none of that changes the fact that I love him. It may not be completely reciprocated, but I know he cares about me a lot.”

Ely nodded. “Alright, that’s fair. But you like me too.”

“I--”

“You can’t even sit here and tell me that you didn’t like it when we kissed. You can’t lie to me and say that you don’t find me attractive, that you don’t like me as a person. Because, like I said the other day, I can tell when you aren’t telling the truth.”

I blushed. Everything he had just said was deadly true. I did find him attractive. If it wouldn’t be too much of an ego boost, I might even admit to him that I find him hotter than Nialler. And I also liked everything about his personality. I couldn’t even find myself mad at him when he was acting like a jerk to me before. I just really liked him.

“You’re right.”

Ely’s eyes widened. I smirked. He definitely had not been expecting me to say that. He tightened his grip on my hand and moved so there was almost no space in between us. I didn’t have any desire to scoot away from him. I welcomed the close proximity of our knees, our thighs, our hands. I just liked being close to him.

“Kiss me,” he said firmly.

“Wh-what?” I spluttered.

Ely gave me a huge grin as he locked his gaze on mine. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. He was so captivating.

“If you really like me, you’ll kiss me. Right now.”

“B-but I kissed you first last time.”

“So? That was a heat of the moment thing. Now, you know what you’re doing. I’m giving you the option to say no--to walk away and go home to your pretty boyfriend.”

“How can you be so okay with this?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Ely, you’ve been cheated on before.”

“Wow, thank you so much for the reminder.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “But it’s true. So how can you condone me cheating on someone?”

Ely sighed. “I don’t know.” We were still looking into each other’s eyes. His were so beautiful. They were definitely worth looking at. “Maybe because you and him aren’t an official couple? To me it doesn’t quite feel like you’re cheating. Or maybe it’s just because I’m crazy about you.”

I couldn’t stop the gigantic, goofy smile from finding its way onto my face. It was really nice to hear someone admit their feelings about me so openly and so easily. I could almost guarantee that Nialler would never do anything like this. That thought nearly brought my mood down, but I shook my head, and focused back on Ely.

“You’re amazing,” I said.

“Shut up,” he groaned. I furrowed a brow at him. “Just freaking kiss me!”

I did not need to be told again. Twice was enough. Throwing my inhibitions out of the window, I bit my lip and closed my eyes. I began to lean forward. Ely closed the gap immediately, crashing his lips onto mine.

I rested my hands on the tops of Ely’s thighs. He cupped my face in his hands. I practically melted into him, and him into me, as we pressed closer to one another. All of the relief, the desperation, and the happiness we were feeling managed to pour out of the kiss. I smiled against his lips. I was enjoying every second of it, and from the reaction I was getting from Ely, I could only assume he was enjoying it as well.