In Lieu Of A Tail

9. Breakfast With Memories

Aurora was silent throughout breakfast, and Hiccup glanced nervously at their draconic companions, all of them agreeing that this wouldn't end well if they didn't snap her out of it. Hiccup stood from his seat and walked around the table, kneeling beside her – she didn't acknowledge his presence, too entranced in her own thoughts. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, not so tight that she was trapped, but tight enough that she would realise he was there, no matter how lost in her thoughts she was. She relaxed and sunk into his arms, breathing heavily, but not crying – she never cried.

Her head rested on his shoulder and she squeezed her eyes shut, her hands clenching and opening in short, sharp movements as she fought off the newest monster that decided to invade her mind. One hand dangled by her side and Astra nuzzled it, a reminder that she wasn't alone. Aurora reached out and placed her hand on her dragon's snout, rubbing the warm scales she found there, and turning her head to show her painful and grateful smile.

"What was it this time 'Rora?" Hiccup asked her quietly, placing a hand on her shoulder and looking up at her.

"Same old, same old. The twisted memories of it. Fun, fun, fun." She answered, turning to look at Hiccup with slightly less haunted eyes. "But it could be worse."

Hiccup regarded her with soft, understanding eyes; like those of a brother calming his sister after a nightmare. Perhaps that analogy is the closest to the truth that one can convey with words.

"You look exhausted, go get some sleep Aurora. I'll wake you in a couple hours, okay?"

"Don't you want a hand with the dishes?" She asked, gesturing to the table.

"He will be fine, my Sister," Astra answered softly, "Toothless, Fyredart and I can help him, you have been flying all night and need to rest."

"You should also rest, Sister." Toothless said, pointing with his snout. "You have been flying as long as she has."

Astra conceded to that point, though she knew that her presence whilst Aurora slept had a most useful tendency to stave off the nightmares that plagued her rider's mind. She only wished she could rid her rider, no; her sister, of the demons that ran through her already-fragile mind forever.

**********
"She's still suffering, bud. Do you think they'll ever stop?" Hiccup asked in a low voice.

Toothless considered the question, he didn't know. He wanted Aurora to be able to go through her life without constantly facing the horrors of her past, but he didn't know that she ever would. She would have good days, weeks even, where she was her regular, happy, bubbly self; and then there were the occasional few days – like today – where she would be completely out of it, and trapped in her own mind. They all hated those days, and actively tried to snap her out of it, they knew that if she were to stay that way for too long, she would panic and think it was all real, rather than knowing she was just watching it back.

"I don't know," he replied eventually, "but I hope so."

********

Berk was different. After five years of their Chief's troublesome heir being "dead", it was quieter, like a veil of mourning had settled there permanently, muffling all life and being more stubborn and pig-headed than the Vikings themselves, refusing to be lifted.

Six months after Hiccup's "death", Snotlout had been declared heir and quickly realised it was in no way everything it was cracked up to be, in short, it was dull – the only interesting event that had occurred at that time was the arena dragons escaping during a raid. He had previously believed that it was all about war and conquest – conquering faraway lands for honour and whatnot, it was a lot more than that. He discovered he had to look after the village and actually care about all the people – it was hard. He had to remember important events like treaty signing and when things had to be done by. After his first full day following his Uncle Stoick around, he felt like he had just been trampled on by a dragon. He was not amused when Fishlegs oh-so-helpfully pointed out that because of the time of year, he had followed Stoick on a slow day. The poor boy almost screamed in exasperation.

In time he had grown used to caring about all the villagers more and remembering important events, but he knew he would never amount to his cousin in many ways. It was quite ironic, Snotlout never truly understood Hiccup's position until he was in it, he couldn't understand how the scrawny fishbone had managed to remember all the important events, while genuinely caring about and knowing a lot about every villager, while simultaneously working at the forge daily and bearing all of the horrible comments people threw his way.

Snotlout was only having to manage two of those and almost every day he still felt like he had been trampled and set on fire by a dragon, when Hiccup had never seemed to be crumbling under the immense pressure of being the heir. Perhaps he underestimated his cousin all those years ago, and the boy was a lot stronger than he seemed. Whenever he thought about Hiccup, guilt pooled in his chest and his breath caught in his throat. He had so many regrets, and his prayers to the Gods were often about his wish of a chance to apologise and reconcile with his cousin.

Stoick was a strong man, but even he had a breaking point. When he began teaching his nephew how to be his heir instead of his son, he made a habit of finishing his day early, going home, and mourning. Some days he was alone in his grief, but most days Gobber would join him. They would sit in silence and simply remember. He knew it was approaching the 5-year mark of his son's death, and he planned to spend it the same way he spent every year: sitting in Hiccup's room and trying to recall every detail of his son.

Astrid also knew about the anniversary, she and the other young Berkian warriors who had trained with the boy were planning to go to the cove, to mourn privately.

Hiccup would never know the impact his "death" had made.

**********

Hiccup didn't realise that the anniversary of his departure from Berk was coming up when he began to plan for a trip. He was too concerned about Aurora, even though she assured him that she was fine. They were going to visit some allies – the Defenders of the Wing and the Wingmaidens – as Aurora had been on the other side of the Archipelago and had not checked on them. 

He couldn't possibly have known how wrong it would go.