Reunited

Chapter Four

Finally after two hours of Simon chatting non stop shit (the perks of him being drunk) he blacked out and fell asleep. Which just left me in the passenger seat, and Jace driving. I was starting to get uncomfortable, a tube dress wasn't the most ideal of road trip outfits.

"Do you have a jumper handy on you?" I asked trying to break the silence.

Jace stayed focused on the road, but soon answered me. "Yeah there should be one on the back seat if Simon isn't asleep on it."

Luckily he wasn't. I leant over to try and reach it, no luck. "I'm gonna have to unclip my seat belt a sec, don't kill me or anything with your terrible driving." I mumbled whilst unclipping my belt.

"My driving's a hell of a lot better than yours if I must say." Jace scoffed jokingly.

"No, you may not say." I retorted before pushing down on Jace's shoulder so I had something to hold onto whilst we came to a bendy road, reaching for his jumper. It looked similar to one he had many years ago that I stole off him, and smelt amazing like every piece of clothing he owned did. "Besides, how would you know what my driving's like? You left when you were eighteen and haven't seen me since." I raised an eyebrow. I was ready to talk about it and I was ready now.

"Clary..." He began, taking one hand off the wheel so he could lean his elbow on the window frame and rub his chin, "you don't get it."

"You disgust me, Jace." I blurted out. "I honestly can't believe after everything you upped and left. And the fact you deleted me off everything and left me with no way to contact you? Even worse." I was past being upset at this point, I just needed to get my anger out.

"I know, I'm a dick. I can't believe I did that either but-"

"No buts!" I interrupted, tilting my body so I was facing him. "It's been four years Jace. So if you knew how wrong what you did was, why the fuck didn't you try to fix things? Why did you leave your 'best friend' who planned her whole life with you in it? Why the fuck did you do it?" Nothing could hold me back at this point. I was so hurt, so annoyed, so angry. And he was the reason for it all. "Do you know I've been struggling with depression for the past four years?"

"People grow apart Clary you can't blame me for your depression!" He shouted, finally looking at me.

"Oh that's just so fucking typical of you isn't it? Just because you can't speak about your own feelings and pretend to have none, doesn't mean you're allowed to dismiss others and what causes their feelings." I shouted back twice as loud, needing to get my message across. "Through our whole lives I've supported you and done everything a best friend should do and I never got an ounce in return from you."

The whole car was silent. The only thing that could be heard was the ever so slight wind rustling the leaves on the trees. Whilst I hated that our first conversation in four years was an argument, this all needed to be said and needed to be known by each other. Did I wanna say more? Completely. But was I also on the verge of tears? Yes.

"Clary..." Jace began again after a few minutes of silence, which was like a gaping void, "I left because I was afraid. Afraid of holding you back, afraid of annoying you, just afraid of being a failure while everyone else succeeded." He remained with his eyes forward, his breathing was fast and shallow like he was holding some anxiety in, which only made me sympathise for him just a little.

"Yeah 'cause I turned out so successful didn't I?" I retorted, rolling my eyes, trying to seem unphased by what he said. "Jace, you staying wouldn't have held me back from anything. If that's how things happen in life, no one would have friends."

"Yeah but come on. At school, I never studied, I was always so reliant on you. I couldn't stand the thought of using you as my human pillow for the rest of my life. So I left, to try and better myself." He quickly flicked the heating on after realising I was shivering, little did he know it was because we were borderline arguing, before he continued. "It wasn't fair on you, I know that. But I needed to start new. I needed to do something for myself for the first time ever."

I was trying so hard to hold my tongue whilst he explained, but I still had so many questions whirling around in my head, continuously piling up in a huge heap.

"I can read your mind you know." He blurted out so simply. "I know what you wanna ask me, so just ask me it. I can't assure I'll be giving you the answer you want, but I won't lie to you."

My eyebrows furrowed. Four years later and he still knew me so terrifyingly well. But I still couldn't manage to ask the questions that were spiralling out of control in my mind, so Jace just straight up answered them, like I knew he would.

"I can't honestly tell you why I stayed in touch with Alec and not you. I confused myself with that one too. I just needed someone who knew where I was coming from to stay by me."

"You think I wouldn't have stuck by you?" My head flicked viciously to look at him, a sudden look of hurt in my eyes.

His eyes scrunched shut for nothing more than two seconds, letting out a shaky sigh. "I didn't mean it like that. I know you would have, I know that trust me..." His words trailed off as he struggled to finish his sentence, his breathing quiet yet not even. "It was just different with Alec in some ways. I told him things I couldn't tell you, y'know, guy things. Plus he wasn't the one I was heavily reliant on. You might not understand that yet, but someday you will."

His voice was softer and calmer than I'd ever heard him speak before, it sent chills all around my body. I could tell just how sorry he was, which made it even harder to not forgive him. But forgiving him would take time, a lot of it. So all I managed to do was nod lightly as I curled up, facing away from him, using my arms as a pillow.

"You okay?" He rested his hand on my waist, his skin warm to the touch, even through his hoodie which engulfed me.

"I just wanna sleep."

"Okay." His disembodied voice still managed to soothe me even though we weren't on the greatest of terms. Soothing me so much, my thoughts melted away with the click of a finger, sending me to nod land. So quick. So simple. Like everything was okay again, even though we both knew things weren't.

— Here's a well deserved Clace chapter, just them <3 Just because he's explained, doesn't mean their bond is mended though.

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