LONER

Chapter 4:REJECTION

I ran to the parking lot as quickly as i could. I'm actually not late for work for once, i don't necessarily need this job but I don't have anything to do with my lonely life so i decided to keep it.

There's only a few minutes until we close and that's when I spot Josh. 

"Ugggh...can I get you something?"

"No but I would like to speak to you."

" About?"

"You have 5 minutes, it better be worth my time Joshy."

"Well, you are a waiter aren't you?"

"That's it,i am leaving!"
I hated that boy's sarcasm! In fact i don't know what i hate more him or his stupid sarcasm.

I turn around as he pulls me by my arm.

"Ash wait"

"For the last time it's ASHLEY and what do you even want,if it's to insult me or throw coffee on me again I'm not interested."

"Shhhh,"he says then places a finger on my lips.

My heart began to beat faster, for what reason I don't know.

"Uhhhm Ash, i really want to get to know you better."

It was at that moment i thought i was dreaming. Nobody has ever said that to me. I am just a freak to them after all.

"Why Josh?"

" You seem interesting and also you look like you could use a friend."

I just hated it when people said that to me. I was doing just fine on my own. I don't need anybody. I got myself and that's all i need.

" So now I look like some friend donation thingy ma Bob, well no thanks Josh."

"Firstly I hate sympathy, secondly I don't trust you and thirdly I'm a loner and I'll always be one."

"It's really not like that Ash,you know what? Forget it."

I walk away from him before he decides to say anything else.

I get to my car and notice its raining. I'm staring at the window and how calm the droplets look dripping down the window. I suddenly find myself overthinking.

What did i do to deserve a life like this? Did I mention that I'm having a break down and I'm crying like a crazy person? Well yes I am. I feel so stupid. It feels as if I was put on this planet to suffer! I keep on telling myself good things are about to come my way but it just seems to be getting worst. There's nothing good it's all just bad!

There are no sunny days and rainbows in my life. Just hurricanes and a whole lot of darkness. There is no light on my path.

This day goes past in a jiffy and i again see myself in hell. I'm walking in the hallway when everything seems to be a blur, i notice how odd I am. I was walking in crowds but all I felt was alone. The atmosphere around me was filled with all the frustrations in my head, all the pain in my wounded bleeding heart and the noises in my head. It was like,"The world around me had begun to fade."Nothing seemed to be making sense anymore. Why was I even here? Why did i survive that crash? I don't want to be here! I don't, I don't.

I wish you were here mom, i wish all of you were here so things could go back  to the way they were before. Why is my life such a misery?

There's a pain in my back and that's when I come to my senses...

someone shoved me in a locker.

Victoria who else could it be. When the Victoria crew interfered with Me, i kind of wished my big brother was there to help me. He promised that he would take care of me and he wasn't here when I needed him. Today was Friday, the day I have been waiting for since the very start of this week.

Tonight would be my first race and i couldn't be more excited. Andrew Greene, wherever you are...i hope you going to be watching your baby sister tonight. The streets will be afraid of my name tonight. One good thing to look forward to i guess.

We had sports period today and i run to the changing room to change into my gym clothes. I was alone in the changing room although for some reason it felt like someone was watching me. I felt a wave of creepyness hit me and decided to get out of there as soon as possible.

After school i do my usual routine.

TONIGHT IS MY BIG NIGHT!!!, yip I'm actually really excited. Finally have a little excitement in my life.

I just picture the crowd going wild,screaming my name ofcourse as i would cross the finish line. Time to give street racers a taste of real driving.

Tonight I want to look dark,like a dark angel. That's exactly how i feel. Dark but bright. Evil but pure and Mean but sweet. Cool but hot!.

I can't help but think about Andrew again. Tonight is definitely for him because i know if i am doing this for him then i will be unstoppable.

I think about the times when we would take dad's sports cars and race with each other. Andrew was the best brother a sister could ever have. My family was the best thing i had in my life. They were my world.

My world was now gone,destroyed and never to be seen again. I sometimes wonder if i would ever be able to get over what happened two years ago. Will I keep reliving my past or will i soon learn how to live in my present. How does one even get over such tragic events that happen in life. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I really don't. I feel as if i have nothing to live for. Why did i even survive that accident?

What does destiny have planned for me?

I guess I'll find out...I have nothing left to lose anyway.

Nothing is more dangerous than someone who has nothing left to lose.