A BLOGGER'S LOVE LETTER ~completed~

ENTRY#8

Maraming Salamat po sa inyong pagsuporta sa aking munti at maikling kwento..hehe..sobrang naapreciate ko po yung pagbabasa niyo at pagshare niyu nito..sana magustuhan niyo 'tong last part. feel free to let me know what you feel..:):)

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ENTRY#7

Date: Jul292012

Title: End of the Road

My Heart,

Twelve months have passed. Twelve tragic, heartless and painful months have past. I haven’t seen you since that day. I deeply regret that I woke you up on that day for your flight. I sometimes blame myself of your lost. I sometimes find myself worthy of all the pain as it is my fault why you’re not here. If I would only be given the chance to change everything and correct my mistakes, you’ll definitely be on the top of my list.

I don’t think it would be selfish to wish for a day with you, for a night that we can be together again. It’s not selfishness, I know they’ll understand. They should understand. Would it be bad to wish to be with the person you love even just for a day? Would that make me a bad person?

I always dream of you and me being together ‘till forever. I always thought that love would be the only thing that we need – no more, no less. Apparently, I’m wrong, apparently, tis not enough. I always thought that love would always end up as “they lived happily after”, that God would spare couples who are true to each other, who love each other faithfully – I’m wrong, AGAIN. I always thought that true love would be forever, but during those 12 months, I realized that the word ‘forever’ does not exist – there’s no such word. LIES.

I have planned our future, I have planned our forever, and how I wished I knew back then that those words do not exist. HOW I WISH. Your strawberry scent still lingers in me. It stayed with me thru those times. I always thought that you’re still with me, that you’re still alive, but the reality always strucked me – you’re gone. GONE.

I sat on the couch that we bought, a beige colored couch that turned to gray now. I gently ran my fingers on it, reminiscing times that you and me were sitting on it and having our endless chat and cuddles, countless movies that we watched, kisses and hugs that we shared and love that we made.

I found myself thinking about our relationship. How did we start? When did we start? I guess that would be what, around five years ago when I first saw you in the school’s cafeteria. You are so pretty that I forgot that I am having my lunch. We became friends and eventually fell inlove.

Living a life without you is indescribable. It’s been a year but I never got better, it’s becoming worse. I was haunted by our memories together, by your presence. It’s like being a zombie in this fvking g’damn world… you just need to live, but no reason for living. You just need to smile, but it’s empty. You just need to wake up every single morning ‘cus you have to.

“I love you”. I have been missing those words for a year now. I didn’t get to hear your sweet voice, feel your touch, and feel your love… I just wanna hear it again Jen, please… let me hear it again… EVEN FOR THE LAST TIME. Stream of tears run down my face, my body’s shaking… I miss you so bad that I’m willing to do and give up everything just to see you; touch your face, kiss your forehead, your lips; hug you…Jen…

I opened my mobile phone and browsed the gallery. I found tons of our photos together. It’s unbelivable that a relationship that is so perfect has its end; it has reached its final destination – a dead end. And instead of me turning my back and finding a different way, I chose to dig on that dead end hoping that there’s a piece of light somewhere. I rather die than to turn my back.

I love you. I remember when I first said those three words. We are not yet a couple and we’re standing on a bus stop – waiting for obviously, a bus. I said those words and you’re like “what?” I mumbled “nothing” I was so embarrased that I wanna disappear at that very moment, but I caught you smiling and reciprocated automatically.

I clearly remember how you said that you want to be my girl finally after going out and courting you for suite some time. We are eating in one of our favorite restau, you remember don’t you? No? Alright:

You: YES.

Me:  wha’ why, you wan’ an extra gravy Jen?

You: YES.

Me: Okay, here ‘ya go

You: John, YES.

You are looking so dead serious that you scared the hell out of me.

Me: Yes, as in?

You: as in Yes. I think I love you too!

I hold your hands and kissed it, threatened you that you can’t take back what you said. You answered you don’t plan to. I hugged you and from then on, you made me the happiest man alive.

I remember the first time we had a fight. You saw a girl kissed me and you thought that we had something going on, after standing in the rain for four hours thus resulting to a three days sickness; you listened to my explanation and believed me.

Thinking and reminiscing of our past did not bring good to me. I was only slapped of the reality that what we have will forever be in our past. Whatever we shared will forever be just yesterday. In one corner of my mind, I was glad, because they can’t take our past and yesterday from me. It’s that one thing that they cannot take away from me… the only thing that is left for me to hold… the only reason why I dig deep in this dead end.

A thought then suddenly crossed my mind. What is the point of living if there’s nothing to live for? What is the point of getting up every morning when it will just crush you of the painful reality and truth? What is the point of you being brave and fighting if there’s no reason to fight for?

This will be my last letter Jen, because I’ll be seeing you soon. It’s sad to leave the world but it is sadder living in it without you. I am afraid to die, but more afraid to live in this heartless world. I will find you Jen, no matter what, just wait for me. I will see you soon and I love you – to infinity and beyond!

John