A BLOGGER'S LOVE LETTER ~completed~

ENTRY#3

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Entry#3

Date: August192010

Title: Happy Birthday

My Heart,

BZZTT..BZZTT..

For the nth time, I woke up by the sound of my mobile phone this morning. I felt the cold breeze from the window which I forgot to close last night, perhaps because I was drunk and all… I know… I know… you don’t want that right? Im sorry… I was invited by our friends to according to them “forget my problems” – I don’t have any! We don’t have any…

It took me maybe three seconds or so to fully read what was written on the screen of my mobile: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HEART! So it is your birthday. I almost forgot this special day. Memories of months ago came flooding my brain.

Remember when we started planning this special day maybe like three or four months ago? We really cannot decide where we are going to celebrate your birthday. Will it be in Vigan? Caramoan in Bicol? Tagaytay? Are we going to the beach; to a resort; go sightseeing; or movie marathon? A faint smile flashed on my face. Tears rolled down my face – which surprised me, since I thought I could’nt shed even a single tear anymore.

I started to scan the SMS that my mobile phone received. At the back of my head, I still hope that one of those messages will be from you… Oh! How I miss your morning greetings. But of course, it’s impossible. Majority of the text messages came from let’s say concern individuals, asking my well being, asking if Im okay. But one of the text messages caught my attention; it came from an unknown number. I opened the message and guess what; it’s the confirmation message from the room that we’ve got reserved on a Leisure Park somewhere in Cavite. Yeah, we made a reservation for a night about a month ago. We agreed that it will be better to save money for our anniversary. So we settled on a cheap resort.

Enough said. I got off my bed and put on my boxer short. It’s the same routine that I do every morning, every single morning. The only difference is, you are not on the phone talking to me. I made my breakfast, logged in to my facebook; sip some coffee while watching the morning news. News from the airline that crashed about a week or two is still being flashed in my television. I didn’t know that it will still bring pain.

I am thinking if I will push through with our reservation. I know it will be a pain in the arse if I will because I will only miss you. I stood up, walked towards my closet, dragged my bag, put in a shirt or two, pair of underwears and boxers, put in my camera, laptop and charger and stormed out.

I don’t have even the slightest idea why and what comes to my mind to push through with our plan – hang on, yeah, it’s our PLAN. I am wiping my tears as I drove my way to the resort/leisure park. I don’t know how to get through the day knowing that I should have spent it with you.

The lady at the lobby greeted me with a warm smile, I smiled back of course. She asked if I have a company since I stated that there will be two adults. I said NO. flat.cold. She escorted me to my, I mean to our room. Well, I must commend their room, if you were here, you’d probably get ecstatic with their internal design. Remember how we plan our house base on the internal design of the hotels that we’ve gone to?

They have this sleek and wide bed, with a classy bedside table and a lamp, they also have this flat screen television mounted on their wall covered with beige wallpaper-printed with maple leaves. I know you’ll love the color… ‘Tis your favorite color right? I don’t see any remarkable characteristic of beige though. And I don’t know any other girls who love that color as much as you do… you’re such a weird angel, yeah?

I changed clothes, put on my walking shorts and a grey singlet that we bought on our trip to Singapore last year. Grabbed the sunglasses and used the hotel’s sunblock for my protection. I seldom use a sunblock but you always insist that I should or else, I might get injured. I grabbed my camera as well and walked out the room.

I must say, the view is exhilirating. I started to capture photos which I will be using in making our 4th scrapbook for our 4th anniversary this year. Something’s missing – you. I felt… I felt so alone. If only you’re here, then this place could have been perfect. I went to the resort’s park and a couple caught my attention. They are so sweet. A guy is lying on a bench with his head on his girl’s lap. They’re giggling. They tickle each other until the guy fell off the bench. They laugh. They are so perfect. They remind me so much of us when we’re together. Everything is so perfect. Everything is cool. Who will thought that it’s gonna end. Life is unfair. God is.

Then a couple on their 60’s passed by in front of me. Their holding each other’s hands. The old lady kissed his man on the cheek, like how a princess kisses her knight after being saved. A piece of our past flashed in front of me. We were sitting in a bench and an old couple passed by, you asked me if I would still love you even if your hair turns to grey; I said that I will even if it turns to violet or blue or green. You asked me if I would still love you even if your skin becomes wrinkled; I answered yes, even if a plant starts to grow on those. You slapped me, but then gave me a hug. I kissed you.

I approached the old couple and asked if I could take a picture of them together. They asked me why, I said that they inspire me to be the best boyfriend, husband and a man. At the back of my head I want to have their photo ‘cus I know we will never have a photo like that. We will never grow old together. I will no longer have the chance to love you till your hair turns violet, blue or green. I lost my chance to love you till a plant grows on your skin. They finally said yes. I will put the photo on our scrapbook, pretending that it’s us.

After taking my lunch, I headed to our room. I don’t wanna swim. So I shut myself in our room and browsed the DVD’s on the table. My eyes were fixed on a film entitled: ‘P.S I Love you’. I read the film’s summary and you know what it’s all about? Well… it’s about a couple; the guy died, but left his wife a couple of letters to get by.

I was never a fan of a love story, you know that. I only watch these films when… either I was dragged by you… or you dragged me. But this time, I wanna watch it. I wanna see it. I want to.

The movie was what… about two hours or so, but never have you left my mind while im watching it. Thoughts of you and me sitting on a couch and watching heaps of DVDs’ rolled into my mind. And for the first time, I cried. Yeah, don’t be a…c’mon Jen, tis the first time! Alright, bet you wanna know what scene I love the most? Well… it’s when the female lead’s mother handed her the last letter. The quote that her mother told her:

“If we’re all alone… we’re all together in that too…”

It perfectly makes sense. I felt every emotion that the female had; every bit of it. I felt alone, empty, and sad; perhaps, Im losing my sanity. Perhaps, I can’t be without you Jen. But those quotes really inspired me. Im not alone, yeah, maybe I am… But I belong to millions of people who feel the same way too. So basically I am not alone.

I will end this letter with a thought Jen. Happy Birthday. The day could’ve been perfect only if you’re with me. I love you.

Sincerely,

John