Once Upon A Dream

Chapter One

It feels good to be in my mother's arms again. I need her, more than anyone else. At a time like this, my mommy is the only person that can help me.

"Baby girl, I know you think that I was being a lil harsh on you, but you gotta understand how I felt." She says while stroking my hair. We lay there on her bed watching The Bachelor. Yeah, my mom is alone., but it's not like she's old. She can get back on the roller coaster if she really wanted to. But she'll never get over my daddy's death, and I'll never get over the death of my unborn baby boy.

"Ma, what was going through your mind when I told you?" i say as I pull away from her and look at her face.

"Well, I was sad for you honey, real sad. And I was also angry. You know you were supposed to be saving yourself for Jesus. Or at least if you really couldn't wait, ya coulda waited until you were married!" She says a little louder. I watch as her face slowly softens and she pulls me in real close.

"Ava, I love you. All I do is think about you and ya brother. Hearing something like that from my baby girl hurts me."

"I understand." I say as she looks at me pitifully. She sits up and turns the volume on the TV down.

"C'mon baby, lemme make you a fresh cup of tea. You know, the one that makes you real tired?"

"Sleepy time?"

"Yeah, that's it, sleepy time tea." She says. She gets up and walks out the room. I looked up a the TV and sighed as I watched another girl get her heart torn b some stupid malicious woman eating devil machine! I sighed, rolled over on my tummy and buried my sad pathetic little face into my mom's goose feathered pillows.

"Ava?" I hear softly coming from out side of the room. I look up to see Timmy. He stood there rubbing his eyes holding a very dirty looking spider man plush toy.

"Timmy! Hey buddy, I missed you!" I say to him. He smiles and jumps up on the bed.

"Where'd you go?" He asks.

"Uh, I went away for a little bit. I was kind of sick and needed to take care of something." I say lying to him.

"Oh, mommy was real sad. S-she always cryin and stuff. You should sleep in my room! It's warm, and it's cool, and it's fun, and it's cool, and I have lot's of toys and-"

"I think I remember what your room looks like T-bone. But maybe tomorrow night, I think I'll keep ma company tonight, kay?" I tell him. He nods and smiles. He gives me a very sloppy, sleepy wet kiss on the cheek and runs off back to his room. It made me a little sad. Just seeing how precious and innocent he is, it makes me think of how my son would've been. He probably would've been an ass like his father though. But, I don't wanna think about him or the...baby anymore. It's been four months now. I'm not gonna mope around forever. I mean, you can't put a clock on grief, but I need to at least open the door and stick a toe out. I sigh and get up. As I make me way downstairs, I hear my mom arguing with someone on the phone.

"You listen here, I already got too much stuff in my life to worry about. I don't need anymore comin from you...no...I sure as hell will not! You can scratch  that out....nope.....look, just leave me the hell alone!" She screams into the phone. She clicks it off angrily and starts breathing like she's out of breathe. I watch her for a second and watch her take a seat at the table.

"Ma?" I says quietly. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes child. Just people tryin suck the life outta me."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, these damn fools think they can just take more money from me! Now I know that they might need my money to put some food on their tables, but I gotta look out for me and my kids! I got my own damn family to feed!" She says. I walk over to her and start to rub her shoulders. It usually calms her down when she's upset about something. I feel her shoulders relax and she sighs.

"I miss you baby girl. And I real sorry about everything, but you gotta know that you had a part to play as well." She says. I nod and sit down next to her.

"Did Timmy take his allergy medicine? He was rubbing his eyes when I saw him." I say. she sighs and gets up from the table.

"I sure did. I keep tellin him that if he keeps rubbing that eye, it's gonna get infected." She says as she stirs the sugar into my tea.

"Ava, have you talked to that boy? Uh, Alex I think it is." She says without making eye contact. She knew that would be a real tough thing to think about. I haven't thought of or about him in a long time.

"To be honest, I got over him the day you kicked me out. I thought he was the love of my life. But he lied to me ma. He told me he loved me and he would do anything for me. But he pressured me into having sex with lies and aggressiveness. And he wanted me to have an abortion!" I yell. I'm so friggin angry at this point! Just thinking about him makes me sick! I just want to blame everything on him. I want him to suffer! I flipped out and I didn't even see it coming. Apparently in the heat of that little moment, I chucked the mug my mom made tea in at the kitchen wall.

"Ava!" She yells. I see Timmy running into the room.

"What's goin on!?" He whines.

"I'm sorry ma, I didn't...it was an accident. Sorry T-bone, go back to sleep okay?" I say. He runs back to his room and my mom is standing there shaking her head.

"You didn't need to throw the cup Ava!" She says. I sigh and quickly try to pick up all the big pieces. I look up to see her on the ground helping me clean up.

"Ma, I just don't wanna talk abut him. I don't even wanna hear his name." I say.

"I get that, its alright baby. So, how's Cara? Did she have her baby yet?" She says.

"Well, after you kicked me out, she found out she was having twins." I say. My mom's face looked shocked more than happy.

"Wow...well I guess that's what God wanted for her." She says while shaking her head.

"Yeah, well she gave birth to two beautiful baby girls." I tell her.

"Two girls!? Lord bless her. She's gonna need a lot of prayers. What about the father?" She says.

"They live together in Laguna Beach. He bought a house. I was living with them for a while before I came here." I say. She nods her head in understanding and stares at me for a sec.

"oh, Jesus. Well how do you feel about all of this?" She asks. At first I had no idea what she was asking. But then I thought about it. I mean, life pretty much friggin sucks right now. And when I was living over at there place for a while, it made life suck on a whole nuther level.

"I love Cara, she's my best friend. But seeing how happy she is and watching her kids grow really hurts. It's like how come my baby died? Cuz she's not broke like us? Cuz Keith is rich? It's not fair!" I say. I begin to cry and my mom hugs me.

"It's no one's fault, don't blame anyone. Maybe God didn't want this child to be born. He has his reasons and you can't hate him for that. Maybe one day you'll get pregnant by some fine man and you tow are much much older and mature. You weren't supposed to deal with that at such a young age, its harder." She says. I sigh and we sit here on the floor and hug each other. What would I do without the love and wisdom of my mother...