Once Upon A Dream

Chapter Three

I can't speak...I can't move. It's as if my heart stopped. It's like we're both alone in an empty meadow or something. It hurt watching him like that.. And it hurt even more as he continued to stare.

Like I said, I couldn't move...

But then he took a step towards me.

My pastor at church used to tell me that all someone has to do is make one step towards God and it shows that they're making an effort to change...

Is a step from him, towards me, an attempt to change? Hell no...He's probably gonna walk right past me like the douche-bag he is.

I close my eyes shut and blink away my tears though. My jaw clenches and my hands tremble. I was all of a sudden so hot and it was almost mid-September! 

When I open my eyes, he's standing right in front of me. It's like my heart jumped out my body and I went through what they called a 'near death experience'...

He doesn't speak, he doesn't even blink...Just stares. I watch him, not knowing what to say either. I take this time to study him, to see how he's reacting to me standing in front of him. 

His jaw is tight and his face is hard. He looks likes he's struggling for breath. I fight back a smile.

I'm not cold hearted, don't get me wrong...I just don't mind seeing him in pain rather then me feeling it all the time.

I look up at his eyes...

They're looking at my stomach. Noticing that there isn't a bump. I feel my eyebrows immediately pull into a frown. I watch as his eyebrows move into a questioning and confused look. 

Adrenaline took over then. I just instinctively shoved him. What? He can't count!? He wasn't keeping track!?

He just looked at me and sighed. I noticed the guilt on his face. Good....he needs to feel guilty!

I watch him as he collects himself. He distances himself a little more than before and sighs.

"How are you?" He says. I all but almost loose it. How am I!? Really!? I decide to lie anyway. I don't want him to think I'm all sad and depressed. I want him to think I'm happy and I don't need him...

"I'm doing great..." I say. I pull on a very fake sarcastic smile and look away.

"How's the baby?" He says. Oh....yea...He doesn't know about his child's death. He doesn't know anything about my life right now because he isn't in it!

"Really Alex...?" I whisper. I'm angry that he doesn't know, but I'm also sad. Just hearing him say those words.....It hurt...

"What? I can't ask how my kids' doing?" He says with an angry look. His fists clench and my eyes tear up. I continue to stare him in the eye and let the tears build up. I wanted to scream, I wanted him hurt too. But then again, I wanted to hold him. I wanted him to hold me! I wanted him to comfort me.

His face got really confused and the tips of his fingers brushed my cheek. I slap them away furiously and scream like an insane lady in his face. He looks taken aback and frowns. I start to sob then. I screamed and I cried like the moment I found out. He grabbed both of my arms and shook me. He kept telling me to calm down, screaming nothings in my face. I watched as he looked from side to side, searching to see other peoples reaction. 

It made me cry harder...

But then I start to get tired. I'm feeling weak and limp suddenly. My knees buckle and I fall to the ground, clenching the sides of his shirt so he would fall with me. He knelt in front of me and took my face in his hands.

"Ava, what is wrong with you!?" He screams. I'm surprised he didn't get the hint. If you ask your ex-girlfriend how your baby is and she starts crying...don't you think somethin tragic happened?

I look up at his face and shake my head.

"You, Alex. You are what's wrong with me." I say quietly, barely audible, but he hears me.

His face softens and he relaxes.

"Look, I'll make an effort to see the kid... I'm just not ready to be a Dad..." He says.

"The kid...." I say trailing off. "Not..ready...?" I whisper. I turn my head to the side, looking around and seeing no one. That's why he had relaxed...Because no one was watching anymore.

"What's wrong?" He finally genuinely asks. I look into his eyes and sigh. I place my hands softly on his chest and slowly rest my head on his shoulder. I feel him jump and feel his muscles tighten. He gradually relaxes and doesn't let go of my arms.

"The kid, Alex? There is no kid..." Was all I could say. I mumble it into his shirt and sob harder than ever. I feel his body stiffen. I scream into his collar bone and clench the material of his shirt.

He holds me. Which is just what I need. The father of my unborn  child , to hold me in his arms.

After about what felt like my entire life time, he pulled away and looked into my eyes. I looked back and saw love. Not love for me, but some sort of love. God know's for what or who, but I saw it. 

"I'm here." Is all he says. I stare at him with my mouth open. I didn't expect that... He places his hand on my cheek and shows a light smile. I watch him in awe...Not of his beauty, but of him being capable of making a girl feel okay. 

I manage a small, tiny smile, that no one from afar could have noticed...But he did, and he hugged me tightly and didn't let go...