Saturday, April 15, 2016
Edgar Allan Poe once said, "The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?"
When Raelyn died, I thought about that quote a lot. It was comforting to imagine that she wasn't so far away, even though her body was six feet under. I pictured her looking down at me, smiling at my accomplishments, shaking her head at my failures, and laughing at my jokes from a bean bag chair in heaven.
Or perhaps hell. Suicide is a sin, right?
Now when I think of Poe's cryptic words, I don't envision my childhood best friend as I once knew her. I just see all the secrets she left behind.
She didn't just leave behind secrets. She also left behind a daughter, Evangeline. The brown-haired, green-eyed, too-smart-for-her-own-good little girl was only six when her mother chased a bottle of sleeping pills with a bottle of Jose Cuervo. As teenagers, we used to joke that the amber-colored liquor would be the death of us. It had caused too many nights forgotten at the bottom of a shot glass, too many cringey text messages and Facebook posts, and too many horrendous hangovers that made us swear we'd never, ever drink again.
We used to joke about it. Apparently, I was the only one who was kidding.
Levi told me I should let the past rest in peace, but I can't. Raelyn haunts me. When I look at Evangeline, all I see is her mother. And since Raelyn wrote in her will that I was to be given full custody of the six-year-old, I see Raelyn all the time. It's like she's still here, like she didn't kill herself.
Regrettably, Raelyn and I weren't on good terms when she died, but I hope I can make it up to her now. I hope I can figure out what drove her to the edge and pushed her over. I hope I can be the person she thought I was.
Most importantly, I hope I can do right by Evangeline.
People often talk about the metaphorical door between life and death. I'm beginning to think it isn't a door at all, but a window. I don't know anything about the afterlife. I don't know if there is a heaven or a hell or anything in between. But I believe that the people who have touched our lives never truly leave us.
I realize that I didn't know Raelyn as well as I thought I did. We drifted apart. We lost touch, lost our way, and lost each other.
But, Raelyn, if you are somehow reading this, I'll find out the truth, and I'll find it in myself to be the best guardian I can be to Evangeline.
I promise, I won't let you down again.
YOU ARE READING
What She Left Behind ✔️
Mystery / Thriller"I'm assuming that little speech was meant for me?" "It was meant for everyone." "But mostly me. Is it because I called her selfish earlier? Are you still hung up on that?" "I'm not hung up on anything, Gemma." "Then why would you go up there and sa...
