The Void I'm A Survivor

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

That Night And The Days That Followed :- Going Off The Rails

So there i am at home letting go of my grief and comeing to terms with the loss of my mother, im feeling very low and not wanting to do much or see anybody. But that was not to be in the midst of my grief i get a knock at the door it is my friend sheril come to see if im ok, we have a long conversation about how im feeling and the fact that i feel i don't ant to go out and want to hide myself away. She makes me come to realise that the longer i leave it the harder it will be for me to go out and face people so i agree to go out that evening with my friends as i usually would.

So i get my self ready and meet up with my friends but am not my usual self, we visit all the local pubs and many drinks are drank mainly jack daniels and coke drink is slowly becoming my solice on this night. we decided to visit the local nightclub and more drink is drunk and im finally beginning to feel numb from the pain. i get into a conversation with some chap and he asks me why im looking so miserable so i explain that ive just lost my mother. He asks me if i went to see her in the chapel of rest, i reply i did not to which he replys that it will be a decision i come to regret over the comeing years, i will not i reply i want to remember my mother how she was full of life not some cold gray lifeless body in a wooden box. to this day i have not regretted the decison i made that day.

It is then that im feeling lower than ever and another friend of me suggests that i try a trip/acid just to take the edge of and pick me up a little bit from my low mood. So my friend and i decide to take these trips/acid and the rest of the evening passes in a blur

This is now how i spend most of my weekends from a thursday night to the sunday night drinking and getting high.

My sister does not know of my weekend activities and comes to see me at the family home i now share with my brother. We go into town to do some shopping and every person we meet offers us theire condolences and say to my sister at least your mum was there for your wedding. I don't think these people quite realise just how much hurt there words caused me because all i would think was but she will not be there for my wedding.

As days went by my fellings started to improve i was still shareing the house with my brother who was takeing the piss conciderably, i I worked two jobs that i loved to keep the house running while he was unemployed and claiming the dole..for one job i was in work at six each morning and my brother thought nothing of bringing all his mates home every night and have loud music going and the noise of them talking until all hours of the night..I was keeping the house going financally all by my self paying all the bills and buying all the food and my brother would thing nothing of feeding all of his mates whilst they were at our house. my brother did not contribute in any way financially to the up keep of the house.

Eventually i asked my boss if he would lend me the money for a deposit for a flat and to my surprise He agreed. I had a very good working relationship with my boss and i was eternally greatful for this massive favour he did me. And there starts another chapter of my life.