The Void I'm A Survivor

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Dean

jo has now met a new fella and i don't see her as much now as i used to while she is building her new relationship with her new fella.

i start going out drinking on a weekend with my friends elaine and jen while my brother stays home and babysits, i enjoy the litle bit of freedom that i have time to be me for a while not me the mummy.

There is a pub we used to drink in regularly that was called the muppet in, we loved this pub and spent our entire nights in there most of the time there was a resident disco and a great atmosphere it was the pub to be in.

there were two barmen an irish man and a chap named dean, Dean was friendly, flirty and had a great smile. Dean always served me whenever i went to the bar and always knew what i wanted jack daniels and coke. It got to the point where i would walk in the pub on a friday night and hed get me my drink from the fridge where it had been chilling because he had poured it earlier ready for when i came in. It wasn't long befor we were dateing.

everything started off great for a while we got on well i would go to the pub on the evenings that he worked and we would walk home together. one night i decided i was gonna walk home a little early and a chap from my past decided to walk me home this was a man i had had relations with but nothing had ever come of it. on the way home this man kissed me and asked me to get into a proper relationship with him. i declined saying i was already in a relationship and i wasnt interested and thanked him for walking me home. but low and behold what i didnt know was when this chap had left me and was making his way home he crossed paths with dean who was then on his way to my house then.

Little did i know that dean was the increadibly jealous type when he came in he hit the roof accusing me of all sorts, saying i had slept with this man from my past he would not believe a word i said he demanded i give him this mans phone number i refused and boy did i pay for that refusal that was the first time that dean hit him punched me in the head i fell onto the bed and he continued to beat and punch me around the head and body i could feel myself floating in and out of consciousness its then that i gave him the demanded number. Dean threatened all sorts that night he went to work the next morning but didn't come back to my house, i looked in the mirror that morning and although sore and bruised i only had a little cut to my upper lip and a small bruise under my nose surpriseingly.

my brother goes mad says why didnt i wake him, i know what you will do i reply and you dont need to be getting into anymore trouble. i see dean later that day and he is very appologetic and promises that it wont ever happen again like a fool i believe him.

so we continue our relationship and it's not long befor i find that im pregnant for a second time im shocked as it wasnt planned, but i was in for an even bigger shock when i went for my scan and i was told i was having twins. omg i thought why me i will never be able to cope with twins and my bungalow will never be big enough.my pregnancy goes relatively smoothly we have the odd argument and dean has a viscious temper but he does not hit me while im pregnant. we move to a new house a bigger house just myself, dean and kieron in readyness for the birth of the twins. my brother now has his own place but remains a regular visitor. my waters break and my twins are born by emergency cecerian section on the third of july the exact same date as i gave birth to kieron. we decide to name the twins after our grandmothers grace and lydia. Deans mother is over joyed because they are her first and only grandaughters i have a very good relationship with her probably a better relationship with her than what dean has. i think he resents it a little.

The twins are now two weeks old and it's raining hard a right downpour and i have to collect kieron from school thats about a forty five minute walk away. Grace is crying she is a difficult child very demanding on my time. i collect kieron from school and we make our way home in the torrentional weather. we arrive home and dean opens the door grace is in a right stare screaming because ive had to leave her to scream all the way home due to the rain and not being able to take her out of the pushchair because of it. whats wrong with her he says why is she screaming like that what have you done to her he accuses. Nothing i reply she is like it because of the weather i couldnt take her out of the pushchair to comfort her shes still screaming i hold her out to him for him to take if you can do a better job and settle her i say here you take her i say holding her out to him in my outstrether arms. he then proceeds to punch me in the face and knock me to the floor i pull grace tightly into my arms to protect her from hitting the floor, i break our fall and land on my back grace pulled tight into my chest.t The rest of the night passes without futher incident and neither of us speaking to the other.

I sit and think i cant go on living like this wakeing up each morning vervous and fearful, constantly walking on eggshells not know what kind of mood dean will be in when he wakes up. if im going to get a beating this day if i say or do the wrong thing. i make the decision ive had enough living my life like this and decide its time to finish things and move on with my life.

It takes me a few days to pluck up the courage to to tell him that its over and that i want him to move out of the house. He goes ballistic as i feared he would and i know whats comeing i scream at him i just want him to go. i've got now where to go he says where am i going to live. Thats not my problem i say i just want you out of the house i cant live like this anymore. I walk away from him into the kitchen my heart is racing and i hope he doesnt follow me. But im not that lucky he follows me into the kitchen and pulls my shoulder from behind i fall to the floor he then proceeds to stamp all over my head, face, neck and chest. I roll into a ball and put my arms up trying to protect my face. I manage to get to my feet i take a knife from off of the draining borard that remained there from the nights before washing up. I go to the bathroom lock the door behind me and sit with my back to the door. I press the knife into my wrists and consider slitiing them thinking ive had enough this is an easy way out i can't go on living like this anymore. Then my mothering instinct kicks in what will happen to my children? i Can't leave them to live with him what kind of life will they have, will he turn his temper on them when they misbehave i can't do it to them. I sit and think of what im going to do how im going to get out of this relationship before i wind up dead. because thats what i can see happening if i don't get out.so i make my plans and know what im going to do.I come out of the bathroom and replace the knife in the draw and dean comes and appologises to me for what he has done. Im sore and bruised all over and my front teeth are broken so i pretend that all is ok and that everthing is fine. im now on smileing and keeping calm and trying not to antagonise him any futher so no more incidents occure but all the time im planning my escape.

Two days pass from the stamping on my face incident and im ready to put my escape plan into action. I see kieron safely off to school and get the twins ready for the day ahead. Dean gets up and makes his usual cup of coffe and toast then sits in front of the tv and puts the playstation on. i say to him right im now leaveing i will see you later, he asks me if im going to see my aunty judy as i normally did on a wednesday morning. Ok he says lock the door on your way out so i put the twins into the buggy step out of the door and lock it as asked.

Im terrified i can't believe im actually doing this i keep looking over my shoulder to see if he is following me, all through the town im nervous, jumpy and on edge expecting him to have followed me my heart is racing it feels like my heart is in my mouth my walk is brisk i want to get to my destination as soon as possible. i see people who want me to stop and chat but i make my excuses can't stop ive got an appointment i reach the bus staion i can't believe im almost at my destination i cross the main road and im there ive reached my destination. I take one last look over my shoulder to make sure dean has not followed me and i can't believe he isn't there. Then i calmly walk into the police station i need to speack to somebody i say i need to report an incident.