The Void I'm A Survivor

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The Hostel

After a fraught week at my dads house he takes me to this hostel for the homeless, im nervous on entering and don't really want to have to stay there but i have no other choice. after helping me in with my things my dad leaves, he leaves me to settle in. the hostel itself is two houses that has been knocked into one there is shared, kitchen, bathroom and day room but we all have our own seperate bedrooms. in the first few days im very quiet and keep myself to myself and spend as much time in my room as possible. my room has the basic essentials of any bedroom double bed, chest of drawers, wardrobe and a cot for kieron to sleep in. the bathrooms are situated opposite my room but amazingly it's not noisey as i had imagined it would be.

There is a cleaner and general manager who comes in daily to make sure everybody is ok and there are no problems and that everthing is clean and tidy, she is a nice friendly lady who introduces me to all the other residents. I find that these are nice people not what i expected at all i begin to spend more of my time out of my room and mixing with the other residents.

after i have been there a week a girl from my home town moves in, i couldn't believe it we used to hang together back in the days when i had my first flat. as we got to know our way around town and meet some of the local people we meet a pregnant young girl who also becomes a resident at the hostel. we mix with her and tag along with her when she goes to see her boyfriend who lives on a caravan site it is here that i meet jim.

the more we hang out at the caravan site the more i hang out with jim and its not long before a fledgeling relationship begins. 

im sat in my room one night watching tv when i hear hammering on the downstairs door i go down and open it and there stands jim with the young girl and her boyfriend weve brought her home they say as she would never manage on her own they say she is very drunk. jim and the young girls boyfriend decide to stay the night. we are in bed watching tv and jim has also had a fair amount to drink because i can smell the alcohol on him. we start to play fight and jim is getting a little rough he pins me to the bed im flat on my stomache its then that he rapes me not in the conventional way that a man rapes a woman. i beg him to stop but my cries go unheard hes hurting me hes also biteing into the back of my neck and shoulders the pain is unbearable i look over to kieron who is sleeping in his cot and i keep thinking to myself please dont wake up, please dont wake up. im in disbelief that he could rape me when my baby is sleeping only feet away.

when he finally stops i scream at him to get out, he's reluctant to leave i scream at him again to get out and finally he leaves i don't see him again.

The next morning i look at the back of my neck and shoulder in the bathroom mirror he has left teeth marks on my body where he had bitten me so hard and my skin is dark purple and black in colour.

i venture down the stairs and into the day room every one is quiet nobody want's to make eye contact with me. then one of the residents asks me if im ok and i explain all that had happened the night before. we wondered what was going on she said we heard your screams but were to affraid to knock on your door.

i did not report it to the police i felt to dirty and ashamed it was something i just wanted to forget about and move on with my life. hopefully i would soon be out of the hell hole.

we were still at the hostel a month later and kieron celebrated his first birthday there and also took his first steps.

then some good news we were offered a home in my home town, i refused it because it was back in the area of town i had just escaped from, i didnt want to go back there. The local authority said i would have to go back to the bottom of the waiting list i was devestated and pleaded my case really hard and a fortnight later i was offered another home back in my home town but right across town to where i had escaped from.