He thought I was dead

He used me

He left me after that for me to sit there a little flabbergasted on his treatment of it maybe he wished for me to survive it or he wished I died slowly for what I did to him today. A month passed for John to be killed by the deputy for me to stand there by the river watching the father as he stands in the water with his hands up making me to watch him knowing he is becoming broken making me to wish to comfort him but the lord does not want me to intervene in this at all for me to watch with Faith with her looking to the ground like Jacob for me to look to the ground with no feeling in my eyes because this man was a narcissist but he was Joseph's brother making it to seem that Joseph loses so much close to him. I sit in the room Joseph gave me which is small but it looks out at the forests for me to breath in while sitting on the balcony reading when there is a knock for me to look over at my door wondering who would come at this time of night for me to place my book on the table to answer the door which is Joseph smelling alcohol on his breath for me to watch him carefully knowing he is in not in the right mind space, "Hope" he says to take my hand making me to flinch as he comes in to fling me on the bed making me to sit up quickly noticing him closing the door and looking it, "Joseph you're drunk" I tell him making the man to smirk on that taking his shirt off for me to see the tattoos for me to go wide eyed on that and also the cut words on his skin for me to shrink back for him to pull my foot to him making me to lay there with fear in my eyes then, "Joseph please don't do this" I plead for him to straddle me for me to cover my face for him to grab my wrist forcing them near my head for the man to nibble at my neck making me to start crying which makes Joseph to look at me with a smirk coming onto his features, "you will give me a son" he whispers to me making me to try to get away then knowing he is being stupid. I lay there with me looking to the side at Joseph who is fast asleep making me to hear his breathing that is slow and steady making me to cover myself more with the blanket as I lay there for tears to gather in my eyes then knowing he took it so forcefully from me making me to cover my mouth with my hand sobbing into my hand then knowing I am ruined now knowing that me having a child was not in gods plan at all.  

I heard the bed shift then making me to turn onto my side laying there looking to the wall with fear he will kill me but I feel hands on my back to have my body pressed against Joseph making me to hold still then, "Hope are you awake" he questions for me to close my eyes as he leans on his side to look over to my face for me to fake sleep as he moves my hair away, "I know your awake" he whispers to me making me to open my eyes turning to lay on my other side looking at him covering my blanket over me more for protection, "you think I haven't seen your body Hope" Joseph says for me to look at him with no feeling in my eyes, "you look so hurt" he says for me to look away from his eyes to the window sitting up then, "you raped me" I answer for him to trace lines in my back which makes me to feel disgust racing through me, "you love me there is no rape in that" he says for me to sit there to look onto the man I once loved, "yes I loved you but people change Joseph, you changed and not for the better" I say for me to be pulled under him making me to try and fight which did not work at all for my hands to be held down by his and his legs stabilising me, "you still love me, because if you didn't why come here?" he questions for me to look at him with hatred in my eyes now, "to see my friends, I lived here with my mother so long ago and I grew up here before going to where you lived and meeting you but it was a mistake meeting you, your a murder, you killed women and children to just appease your sick mind" I spit out for him to grip my hair then for me to winch at the pain he is gripping at my hair that feels like my hair is getting ripped out, "take it back" he growls for me to shake my head then, "no, I will never take it back" I answer as he grabs his gun on the bedside table putting it to my head then, "take it back sinner" Joseph commands but then there is a knock making Joseph to growl then, "go away" he yells for me to winch knowing that was in my ear, "Joseph its me, we need to talk on the deputy" I hear Jacob say for me to look at the door and then to Joseph to stare at him with my blue eyes unchanging at all wondering what will happen will he talk with his older brother or try to kill me, "we'll talk later on it" Joseph commands to load his gun looking to me, "now take it back Hope" he says for me to watch him knowing he is a changed man but he will not pull the trigger because I am still his Hope. 

I am being straddled by the love I once had a heart for making me to grip the sheets in my hands into fists making me to watch him carefully waiting for him to give up because when it came to fights I won but it seems he is sticking his guns this time for me to sigh on that looking away then, "fine I take it back" I answer pushing him off me to leave the bed getting changed then as he sits there smiling for me to look at him as I am at my vanity, "what are you smiling at?" I question for him to look to me, "I never won one of our fights but it feels good" he says for me to watch him for sometime to then turn away not feeling pleased because he can see through me so easily even now, "Joseph" I hear Jacob again for Joseph to sigh getting up and changed looking to me then making me to look through the mirror at him, "I'm going to go, you better be a good little girl" Joseph says to come over kissing me on the head to then leave me sitting there to let out a breath that I was holding in when we were fighting.