everything in my mind says to just give up and give in to the impulse to tear my body apart and hate myself like I used to, because that's all I know
I want to get better but it seems like a never ending cycle of feeling okay and then being torn back down
it seems useless to try
I've made so many promises to so many people but everything in my body is telling me to return to my old self, my old mindset, and impulsive self hatred and self harm
and as I'm writing this I wonder whether I should publish it or not because those people will know what I mean and be worried, and I can't help but wonder if I deserve them in my life
I feel as though I'm nothing, like I deserve to be alone, like i deserve to have no one
I want to get better
