— a confession ; whispering voice
whisper
I had a rough past, that included my confidence and voice. And up to this day, Im still suffering from that certain past. Something that cant be cured. Well, atleast thats what i thought.
When i was a child, my parents forced me to follow their footsteps as social influencers. At that time, i was extremely shy, and couldnt even bring myself to speak even just a single word. My parents said it was just simple stage fright, and can be fixed with enough experience and practice, but the pressure they kept giving me never fixed anything.
Instead i became more afraid of just the thought of coming up to the stage. And the flashes of each camera slowly blinded me, made me dizzy, i froze and embarrassed my parents. After that, all went downhill.
I lost the only person i thought as family, and was too afraid to speak.
I major in business, and it requires to speak in front of the whole class on certain projects. But after what ive been through, i always had trouble with helping the groups im assigned too, and it affected mine and my groupmates grades.
A lot of people have complained and questioned why i never talk. But explaining to them was much harder because i knew they would never understand.
Why major business in the first place?
If you knew what you were gonna go through over the past four years why even major such a subject?
Those were the questions i had to deal with every single day. I majored this for a reason. I wanted to build up my confidence and speak up in front of the whole class. But i never thought of the insults, and criticism and that they would push me into a pit of doubt. People judge me by everything i do. They gossip over me and ignore my suggestions. I was a complete outcast. Some would help me with the insulting because they pity me, and it would always make me feel pathetic.
I always thought i was the only one suffering.
I could never bring myself to speak, so i always write on a piece of paper, or just text them. They thought it was weird but i couldnt do anything about it. Speaking up was never a option.
But when i thought i was the only one suffering, i found someone who was suffering from another phobia. She was just like me. An outcast, pathetic, and helpless. I thought we both had our similarities, and that we both were in pain.
After founding out that there was someone else like me, i was completely blinded by something i havent felt in a while.
Apparently i was in love.
And i was out of my mind. She was my first love. And i never thought such an emotion would help me from something i thought would never be cured.
I even confessed to her.
I, who was too afraid to speak, spoke just to confess to my first love, but i also never thought that someone rejecting you could leave such pain. I breathed from the top of my lungs, and hoped words would come out.
I like you.
I said in a very weak voice.
The feeling of excitement suddenly rushed into me. I was so afraid to speak, but why am i happy? Because i finally had the courage to speak up? Or because im finally free from the suffering?
Good for you.
She said.
We both share the same symdrome right? Its good that you were able to fight off your worst fear. But...I dont think i can like you the same way you like me.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I put out a sign of disapointment, and took out a piece of paper and wrote
Thank you.
In the end i still used my old tactics. I still wrote on a piece of paper. But i was satisfied. Because she was worth liking.
And, there was someone by my side without me noticing.
“Sure, ill listen to your story”
— verbophobia ; Nothing can cure such a fear, then again love never had boundaries did it?
4:40 ; 710 words total
