- someone special ; a person i gave unconditional love too.
a friend.
I avoided making any. If they we're to say something affectionate, like, a compliment, I would freak out and overthink that they are backstabbing me or betraying me...Its just the situation i experienced. My minds messed up.
Alot of people stares, alot of people glares. I've dealt with it for a while so im used to it. The day seemed like any other
day but... "can i be your friend?" a really tall dude was in the way...
"No." i denied and walked away. After that day, there was a lot more glaring. A few days passed, this guy kept following me.
Because of the situation, i found out his name and many people seem to like him.
He's been bugging me ever since and even knows my schedule and such...is he a stalking me? After many invading of personal space, annoyance and stubborness, i finally convienced myself to confront him.
He was behind me, i walked faster but he kept up. "could you please stop-" a flash interupted. "what is that?!" he continued picturing her. "are you picturing me?! please stop that!" i said as i blocked my face with my hands. "kim boon, you dont look like it but you can be pretty cute huh" he tilt his head. "what nonsense are you talking about?!!" i took the opportunity and tried to take his camera out of his hands. He noticed and took it away knowing his height, i bumped my head into his chest and silence spread all over.
I found out the situation and looked above, his cheeks were flushing bright red. I lost my temper over the embarassment and pushed him, running away- "DONT BLUSH YOU MORON" he stood there shocked.
I stopped running and tried to catch my breath. I looked around and found out i was in the dormitory. I went to my dorm and put my things down. As i became one with the bed, i thought about it again.
I remembered him making that face.
I didnt act like what a normal girl would.
Instead, i was scared.
no, dont think that way. dont ever think about that feeling. dont even think about falling in love.
Time passed yet hes still following me.
He was always with me everyday that i got used to it... i guess hes okay...but
"kim boon, i like you"
i was fine with him, i was fine with him being around yet why? why now that i finally got used to you...when i finally found someone i was comfortable with, a friend, why did you have say it now?
"why?"
"hm? what was that? i didnt hear you"
He stood there both hands in his pockets.
I clenched my fists.
"dont say that"
"dont say what?" he wasnt joking. He really doesnt know.
"dont say that! dont say that you like me!
your annoying and a stalker and you never leave me alone! i will never like someone like you. when i finally got used to you even..." his eyes widened.
"...just get away from me. leave me alone, dont ever talk to me. your gonna just betray me just like how they betrayed me!
never talk to me again, dont even think about being around me, i hate you!"
she screamed at him in front of many students. her head was down low, she tried to catch her breath and tears were about to burst.
"i did it again...i overthinked."
"kim boon, i never asked for an answer."
she flinched in realisation.
"and...you said you got used to me right?
thats all the answer i need."
she clenched both fists in frustration, she couldnt think straight. she felt guilty and regreted.
"you heard-" "yeah, i heard" he interupted. "kim boon, from now on, you are my friend." she put her head up in confusion. "what?!" "you think the same dont you?" he walked past her with a hand on her shoulder.
"were friends now.
though, my feelings wont change."
she froze up, she didnt know why, but she felt relieved. he walked away, and the students whispered about them. she turned around wishing he was still there.
"kim yeol!"
he stopped.
"why do you like me...?"
he smiled...
"i dont really know.
i just really like you"
idiot, do you even know what im suffering too? im scared of loving or being loved.
isnt it weird for someone to fear a fluttering emotion...?
if you knew that, would you still like me?
hey, is it possible for you to save me?
- philophobia ; im scared of falling in love,
yet why do i feel like its not that bad anymore?
4:10 ; 795 words total
