Different ❤Cake❤

~4

Calum

I'm unable to sleep, I'm tired as hell, today has torn me up, yet I can't find it in me to close my eyes and sleep. I grab my phone and slowly click the home button. My actions are cautious and slow. Should I do this? I unlock my screen. Should I do this? I scroll to the next screen. Should I do this? I press the F icon for Facebook. I can't do this. I click my phone off and set it on my pillow.

I let out a heavy sigh and I know in my heart I can. Yet I can't bring myself to do it. Guilt washes over me as my eyes float to my pillow, I grab it and unlock my screen again. I log back into my facebook and click search. I breathe in heavily. I don't let it out until I finish the perfect four letters that are always in my head. L u k e. Instantly Luke Hemmings shows up on the first search result.

Tears flood my eyes as I stare at the small circle of his profile picture, his big blue eyes look so happy. Droplets fall to my phone screen and I quickly clean off the screen, as well as my cheeks. I press his name and feel my heart sink. His picture becomes larger. So does his name. It takes a minute to load. All that seems to be on my mind is watching him run ahead of me. His tears. I sniff and stare up at the ceiling.

When I look down, I feel my lips tug a smile. His cover photo is a picture of the band students playing at the orchestra last week. I'm also in band, as he. I play cello, he plays the french horn. The smile is instantaneously killed by the posts on his wall. I scroll and I am horrified.

My heart drops and I feel like vomiting. They got to his Facebook. Wasn't Smear The Queer enough? Why? Oh why world? Why do you hate him? Why did I think I did? Why is this happening to him?

I scream. I throw my arm back and hardcore throw my phone at the wall and hear the pexiglass detach from the phone. The phone falls to three pieces. I surprise myself. Pissed. Doesn't begin to describe.

My door opens and my sister runs in. I'm bathing in my own tears, my wall is indented by at least 4 feet. She grabs me in a hug, knowing something is obviously wrong.

I wrap my arms around her and cry into her shoulder, enveloping myself in comfort.

"Calum talk to me, please, you always come home like this, yet this is the worst I've seen you. Are people bullying you? What's wrong?" She cups both of my cheeks. I'm crying too hard to talk, all that comes out are sobs and noises. My vision is blurred. "Cal," She says as soft as a kittens pur. I shake my head and scream again. My mother and father are at my door now. They don't say anything, but they come to comfort me just as my sister has.

I don't deserve to be comforted, though. My heart deserves to be ripped out, I deserve this pain.