The Neck Pillow Girl

Found and Lost

In Daegu

"Tsubaki-Kim Sung is in the life - threating ward in room 768," The receptionist informed me. I thanked her and nervously made my way to the room. I had a small bouquet in my hand and my legs were shaking... If I could name any word that described how I felt, it would be this:
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In other words, no known word could describe my mixed emotions. The doctor let me in, informing me that Ka-san was still asleep as they had given her anaesthetic yesterday. I hyperventilated as quietly as possible as soon as the doctor left. I was so nervous... what if she wakes up? What if she doesn't wake up? 

I didn't realise I was pacing until I heard my own footsteps growing louder. What surprised me more was the voice that followed my stop.

"You useless child, stop your walking and sit down. It's giving me a headache!" 

"Ka-san!" I smiled, about to embrace her but halted mid-air as she gave me a glare.

"You haven't changed since you left. Well, you did get those piercings..."

"Ka-san..." I felt guilty for some reason. 

"Why are you gawking at me like I'm some kind of animal? Have you lost all sense of manners wherever you are?!" Ka-san scolded. I weakly apologised and sat down.

"How have you been?" I asked shyly. She scoffed.

"I'm in a hospital because of a tumour in my messed up brain. How do you think I've been?" She replied. I looked down, feeling like I'd failed her, which in a way, I did. Instead of helping her get better, I decided to be selfish and avoid her. Instead of being there during one of her lashings and beatings, I ran away. 

"Ka-san... what happened... after I left?" I tried changing the subject. I watched as she tried to sit up, before helping her adjust.

"When you left, the house was empty. Well, emptier," This was the first time I saw my mother look this vulnerable and gloomy," Mrs Min obviously came to check up on me, but I never did eat the soup she brought or anything, simple drain it away and pretend as if I did. There was no one coming in and out of the house, running late for school or sitting on the porch. No clicks of cameras or scribbles of writing materials. I was alone,"

"More alone because the people you loved left you..." I knew how she felt. To me, it seemed that way too.

"Child, everyone we love must leave someday, but you won't know you love that person until it' their time to go,"

"Yeah... I know that now," I sighed and we fell into silence, not too later, the nurse came in with Ka-san's lunch.

"Sorry, miss, but you might have to go buy your own food. This part of the hospital makes sure that visitors don't eat medicine by accident. There are cafes and a convenience store right outside the hospital," The nurse informed. I bowed in thanks and said goodbye before going to get myself a... well, I wasn't really hungry and even if I did eat, it would all come back out the wrong way anyways.

Ka-san was asleep by the time a came back, and I stayed by her side until the doctor told me that visiting hours were over. I checked the time and decided to visit Mrs Min.
I nervously knocked on the door and Yoongi's mother greeted me warmly.

"Eui? Kim-Tsubaki Eui??" She gaped, mouth open, "Where have you been all these years? How are you? Oh, come inside little one!" 

I laughed. 'little one'? I had outgrown her when I was twelve! She sat me down at the kitchen table and made me a small snack.

"So, how are you? Tell me where have you been all this time?" She asked.

"Well, what did Ka-san tell you?" I asked, wondering what my mother had told our neighbours.