The Neck Pillow Girl

Letting Go

"You useless child," Ka-san said once the doctors had left, "You weren't meant to be born. You were, in all honesty, a mistake," I flinched as she said it.

"But you were the best mistake I have ever made. Me and you Appa loved you so much, and when he died.... well, you look so much like him and my mid couldn't cope. I had abused you, done horrible things to you, isolated you from the outside world and caused you your own mental problems, but you still smiled at me and tried to do your best. You left me too, but I saw it coming. I saw how you were suffering and I knew it was me who caused my precious child pain. Please forgive me," She begged as she held my hands. I pulled her into an embrace.

When was the last time I hugged her like this? When was the last time I told her I love her? This might as well have been the first.

"Ka-san... There is no need to ask or forgiveness. You gave me life, raised me, and loved me in your own way. I should be apologising. I ran away when you needed me the most, "I began my confession," I used to think of you was a monster, even though you provided me with everything I needed when Appa departed... I should be apologising. The only time I could ever have such a moment a mother and daughter should have is when you're days away from leaving this world. I've been selfish too, so please forgive me, Ka-san," I cried into her heaving chest as her warm tears fell into my hair.

"I call you useless... you aren't. You have been the.... most useful person in my life... you have been my life and me... I love you so much...my child... I...love...you...." I could faintly hear the machine's beep in the background and looked to see it showed a flat line.

"Ka-san... KA-SAN? KA-SAN!!!" I cried some more as the doctors came rushing in. They had also contacted Mrs Min who had begun comforting me as soon as she entered and heard of Ka-san's death.

Ka-san's funeral was held the next day. I didn't have any tears left and I had a sudden thought. Is this how Mi-Hi felt when she lost Cho? No, that must have been worse... I was so glad it was over and made my way to my old home.

Once there, I found some old suitcases and packed up all the photos I could find. I realised that we had thousands... Most of them were old and a bit worn out, so I made a mental note to find frames for each one. Mrs Min and a few other neighbours also helped me pack some clothes and clean up a bit before promising to take care of the house while I was gone. 

After three more days, I decided to finally move and leave. I thanked Mrs Min before heading to the bus stop. Mi-Hi had called and I guess both of us were in a heavy situation. Apparently, Namjoon had said that he'd rather be with her roommate instead of Mi-Hi, and so she decided to break it off. 

"It's my graduation tomorrow and then I'm heading straight to the airport. I also stayed at your place for a night but I ended up running into Yoongi-yah. He was with Yesung but left. How are you doing? I got a text from you earlier saying your mother..."

"Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm not going to be able to be there at your graduation, but you aren't going anywhere else are you?"

"Eui-chan... I'm heading to the airport straight after like I said, mostly because I wanna avoid Namjoon, but I doubt my brother and bangtan will let me do that. Especially the girls, you know how everyone is..."

"How are they? It seems like forever since we last saw them!" I laughed. Over the past couple of years, Me. Mi-Hi and Cho had met four other amazing girls," How's Sarang and the rumours? And Areum and the scandal? I forgot, Jimin said something about Gaeul... and what about Sora? How's she doing? Is Hobie-yah still giving her a hard time?"

"Ah, Eui-chan calm down! Sarang is doing alright, the rumours are dying down and ARMY's are actually fighting for her and watching her show a lot! Areum is still having trouble, but with Jungkookie, not the scandal. I don't know the details but Kookie-Oppa has been avoiding and acting weird with her... Gaeul and Jimin have grown really close and I think the other guys have been betting on when they'll get together... As for Sora, she and Hoseok have an interesting thing going on... they keep breaking out into dance battles..."