salty tears

eight.

january 17th | 10:20 pm

I had this dream last night where I think I can say I was happy. Not sad. Happy. 

I was jumping on these really white clouds. So white it blinded you. I was also wearing a white dress as I jumped but it didn't matter who saw me because I was alone. I was alone and enjoying myself in the dream. I had a smile bigger than you could imagine. It was pure bliss. It felt nice to experience a bit of happiness. Sadness was starting to become attached to me. It was like happiness swept in with a red cape behind it's back and saved me from the blues. I appreciated the little escape it brought me. 

When I woke up today, it was the afternoon. I also found Olly curled up in a small blanket beside my bed. It was a little surprise for me. I thought the door was locked. It wasn't only us who had slept until so late, everyone else did the same. 

I could have gone to the kitchen but I didn't want to wake anyone up. I didn't want to be a disturbance in the house. I decided to stay in my bed until Olly woke up. I did just that and soon enough I could hear him moving a bit. He didn't say hello or anything like that, he just said sorry. I knew it was an honest sorry but at the time I didn't know why he said it. He apologized a few times and then went on talking about breakfast even though it was like one in the afternoon. It was odd I tell you. He told me he wanted to go out for breakfast and wanted me to tag along.

But it wasn't a casual "oh you can come if you want" offer he made. He begged me to go with him. I wasn't even denying his offer, just questioning why we would have pancakes instead of a sandwich. It got to a point where he wasn't considering it an "if" situation. He just started saying that I would go and I didn't have a choice. It didn't bother me, I wanted to go with him. It only confused me. 

We wore baggy sweats and old hoodies at the diner. Not flattering to anyone really but it was comfortable and it's all that mattered at the time. There was an old lady who served us at the diner. She was nice. She was like the innocent grandma who would offer you cookies just so she could see you smile. 

At one point in our stay there, she and Olly really started chatting. She asked if I was his daughter. I almost choked on my food because of the inevitable laughter. Olly laughed too. he laughed and all but he said yes. That I was his daughter. I was laughing a lot and also looking at him weirdly. It was confusing.

Once she left to leave us to finish our food, I asked him why he lied to her. He said that it would have been a good joke for us both. He also said that you have to relax a little, some lies aren't dangerous. I guess what he said is true. Lying can be really awful. A lie though can't be all that bad. It's not like she would hire Russian spies to see if what we said was true.

The pancakes were really good. I'm never going to forget those pancakes.

Olly brought me to an ice cream parlor right after our breakfast. It was great. I loved it there. There were so many bright colors and loads of ice cream flavors. I thanked him for a million times once we left. He made me happy. He made me feel happy. That's why he's a great brother. He just knows how to make you feel happy. 

Today was a good day. I want more good days. I didn't face the rest of the family much the rest of the day. 

For once I can go to bed with a  smile on my face.

And it's not fake.

It's real.

One thing I wish to have: more good days filled with happy smiles.