salty tears

four.

january 13th | 8:53 pm

I managed to make a trip to the pet store today. It's been hectic lately and I don't have much leisure time. I just want to know who gave the owner the right to make the building so depressing. Honestly, the minute I stepped into the store I felt so sad. It could have just been me but the grey walls just added to it.

Though the vibe was depressing and all, I still stayed there for about an hour or so.

I didn't have a dog, or a cat, not even a fish. I had no business being there. However, I wanted to visit some cats. I walked slowly toward the cats with my head down and didn't look at the employee who probably stared at me with great concern. I got to the cats and I felt very happy with myself. I walked a good twenty minutes to go stare at some cats behind a glass.

If you ask me, I say my time was spent wisely.

I took this bright toy the store had and played with them. There were three cats there. Two were already adopted. I took my time with each of them so none of them would feel left out for not being able to play with me. The first cat is the one I remember the most because I liked it the most. It was a female cat named Luna. She had white fur and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, they were so blue. It was obvious that she had been adopted, who wouldn't want a cat like her?

I often annoyed my father a lot about getting a cat. I liked dogs too but they were generally more energetic than a cat and I only wanted a reading buddy. I don't really know why my father constantly says no to a cat. I'm pretty responsible. Sometimes I do the dishes and sometimes I don't. A cat would make a very positive impact on my life, but of course, my father is going to refuse for me to have any chance at happiness.

Happiness reminded me of the next cat I played with, he was so cheery. His name was also Happy so maybe that could be the reason. I loved him. I wanted to break the glass and steal him for myself. I would be willing to go to jail for a cat.

The third and last cat I played with for the day was a short-hair named Rye. Very nice cat but shy when you first meet him. Do not recommend tapping the glass panel as it will terrify Rye.

Rye was like my brother Olly. They were both impossible to get to know. They were very sheltered from the outside world. I never understood how Olly was even able to make friends let alone get a girlfriend with his personality. Cody was more like the second cat, fun and energetic. Olly and Cody always fought. It's normal for siblings to fight but they sometimes got physical. It scared me at times because I never wanted either of them to get hurt. Their fighting also resembled a lot like whenever my mother and father fought. Often caused by her, they drove each other mad. It was clear like glass that they only lived in the same home because of me. First, it was for all three kids, but then Olly moved out, so it was only two kids. Then Cody began to leave the house more and more until he just didn't even spend the nights there anymore, so one child was left. Until I turn eighteen or move out and never come home again, they'll get a divorce.

It's hard to think about everyone leaving. Olly came by frequently so he could check up on me. He was doing just fine in college, I'm sure he told me about wanting to be a doctor or something but I can't remember. Cody was eighteen but he's always acted like an adult since forever. It would be considered a miracle if I greeted him at all, he was never around anymore. He was never around anymore and part of me wants to crumble apart just thinking about it. Part of me has already crumbled apart because it's the truth. I want Olly to visit again. I need him to come back home so I can talk to him.

Olly always knows what to say to you, he's that person. He wasn't anything like our parents. They were distant. My mother had liquor to comfort her and well, my father, he had never wanted to be part of problems.

They say family is everything but I can only somewhat agree with that. Olly is the only person I can honestly say plays a crucial role in my life. Everyone else is just... there. If I had a cat, life could be a little better.

When I left the pet store, I passed the same employee and I looked at him this time. He looked annoyed that I had stayed in there for so long. On my way out I said sorry to him but I don't think he heard me.

I'm making myself feel guilty and sad about who I write. I feel so sad for myself. This wouldn't have had happened if I had that cat. One thing I wish for: a cat to comfort me.