Unsolved Pain

Chapter 7

Wow so I'm not pregnant. It's almost been 2 months. Our teacher has been out for a while. I guess the next substitute we get that's when we will present our project. I'm not going up to present, Kayden is going to have to do it. I hope he doesn't have stage fright. If he does, i'm going to go up there and help him. I'm going to get made fun of because, of who I am. I thought maybe I wasn't going to make a friend until Kayden came along and gave me a chance. If Kayden didn't come I don't know if i would have even made a friend this year. I probably would've died already.Nobody would've care though. Something Godly in me, tells me not to do it, Satan really wants me though. He's the one that's been keeping me from suicide. I lay across my bed and reminisce on every single detail in my life. From the good, bad, and the ugly.

Thank you Lord for bringing me a mighty long way. I couldn't had made it without you, father. Thank you for waking me up.  Thank you for allowing me on this earth longer. Thank you for pointing me in the right directions. I'm just going to need more of your guidance please help me lord. In your son's name, i pray  Amen. 

I go downstairs to find no Michael wow that's the good but his car is still here. Something is not right. I hit the floor and I feel pressure in my lower back. I tried to turn around, but  more pressure was created in my back. I just laid there vulnerable and  afraid. It was happening again. He kept whispering in my ear "Daddy loves so much". I couldn't cry anymore as much as I wanted to. He left hickies, bite marks, scratches and a few bruises. All I can do is pray and hope this ends. When he finishes, I go shower and cry. Cry because, I've gone through so much in my life. I've lost my mother. I've been through physical, mental, emotional pain. I never really had anyone else since she left.

Nobody was in my corner except my mother.I had Micheal at the time but now it's like who do i have left. I had no one to run to. I've held in so much hurt and guilt. I get dress and drives to the closest bridge to my house. I walked slowly to the edge. I felt the cold air across my face. Everything felt as if i was going to just let go and be free. I looked down and I prayed. I prayed that i would see my mother one last time before i make this jump. I jumped off the edge and by the time I hit the water I heard someone yell "Hey!" I went in the water head first. Not having the care who it was because no one actually cared about me, not even my own father. The cold water, what felt warm to me was a relief. I saw my mother, you could tell she was hurt from seeing her only daughter go through so much pain, with the only man she ever loved. Her words to me were "Baby it's not your time yet. I will come get you when it's time. I see everything that's going on but your going to live through it. Mommy sees everything and I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I love you" Like that she was gone. Her words had pierced me, my question was why did she say i'm going to live and that it's not my time yet.

Ouch! I have a huge headache. Where am I? I see Kayden looking out the window. He turned around and looked bothered. "What the hell were you thinking? Did you hear me calling your name? Do you  know I witness you jumped off? Do you know if I didn't come after you, you would've died? That was really dumb of you to do that. What the hell were the thinking? What do you have to say for yourself?" I lay in the bed with pain all over. I just shooked my head and tears started falling. He walked over to me and sat on the bed and held me. I instantly freaked. He stood back and looked at me as if he hurt me. I turned over in bed facing the hospital door. He pulled up a chair and laid his head across my bed.

I tried to get up and then Michael came in. I cried even harder. "IT'S NEVER GOING TO END, IS IT?" I yelled at Michael. The nurses came in and forced me to lay back in the bed. "I HATE YOU. WHAT KIND OF FATHER ARE YOU.YOU MADE ME THIS WAY! I COULD'VE BEEN THE BEST DAUGHTER THAT YOU EVER HAD. INSTEAD I'M LIVING IN HATE!" I kept screaming. I really hated him. Kayden trying to calm me down. I couldn't push him away. I tried to cry myself to sleep. It wasn't working. I just eventually stop. Kayden was still next to me. "Pst!" He looked at me, I mouthed the words come closer to me. He came close I whispered in his ear. "Please don't leave me by myself with him. Please I beg you." He pulled back and looked at me. Then he looked at Michael, back at me and nodded his head. I laid back and stared at Michael since he's been there.  I eventually fell asleep.