Junior Year - Twists and Turns

Chapter 4: Saint or Sinner

Chiko walked me to the bridge, we hugged and kissed and said bye. As I walked away I wondered why he was doing all that in public if we both weren't trying to let anyone know that we were messing around. When I got home I knocked out till 10pm and I spent the night talking to Chiko again, where he told me he really liked the sex. I couldn't deny that it was good, but it wasn't the best I've ever had.

I ended up falling asleep at like 5am and when I woke up it was noon but since it was Saturday I didn't really have much to do. I spent most of the day laying around and watching TV, and talking to Chiko. I decided to disconnect for a while and talk to my grandma, "So... how was services today?"

"Good," she said in such a plain way.

Like I said earlier I'm a Jehovah's Witness study, my uncle, grandma and grandpa are already baptized so they're Jehovah's Witnesses and my sisters and I study with our grandpa. I used to be an unbaptized published, but I made the mistake of lying about not having a boyfriend and a year ago they found out and in February they announced that my privilege was taken away.

I was dissapointed at the time and my grandma was devastated because she felt like I was doing the same thing that my mom did. My mom had me when she was 17 and she ended up getting disfellowshiped for being with someone who wasn't a Jehovah's Witness, having sex, and having me. Then she came back a few years later, but once again she was disfellowshipped when she got pregnant with my other sister and then for the third time when she got pregnant with my brother. We all come from 3 different father's, my sisters dad and my dad left and my brother's dad is in the picture. I know I'm making mistakes but at least I'm cautious and protecting myself to make sure that I don't end up in that position... EVER.

I walk to the fridge and ignore the fact that my grandma is getting in some type of mood, "Was Ronald there?"

Ronald was the elder who was in charge of telling me my privlages were getting taken away, "No, I didn't see him."

"Oh, he might be at the International Convention, I need to talk to him when I see him," I hadn't told anyone besides my mom that I broke up with Oscar, so I was trying to tell my grandma like this.

She turned around with a really confussed expression, "Why?"

"Because I need to talk to him about getting my privlage back," I got really emotional saying that, my voice cracked.

She dropped what she had in her hand, "What, you left him?"

"Yeah.." tears streamed down my face, but I wasn't facing her so she couldn't see me.

The tone in her voice changed completely, "Why? What happened?"

"Nothing, I just left him," if I were to sit there and tell her that I was conflicted on what I wanted, or better say who I wanted, she'd get mad.

She came to me and hugged me tight as shit, I hadn't seen her that happy since she came home from Ecuador a few months back, "Awh, mija, I'm so happy for you, Jehovah will help you in this time."

"I know," the knot in my stomach and the soreness in my throat got worse when she gave me a kiss on the forehead.

I walked into the living room and sat on the couch where my phone was charging. I turn airplane mode off and get these messages from a family friend from the meetings, her name is Star. She was inviting me to a Jehovah's Witness International Convention and asked if I wanted to go with them shopping later on the day. I was eager to get the fuck out of the house I said yes before I asking my mom or uncle, but Ironically they walked in through the front door at that moment.

I follow after my mom as she walks through the living room, past the kitchen to her room, "Mother...."

"What?" she didn't sound really pleased for shit.

I kind of felt like she was gonna say no so why even bother asking, "Never mind."

"Talk, hurry up," she kept sounding mad.

"Star and Cindy invited me to go to the international convention with them tomorrow and asked if I could go shopping with them right now," I spat all that out in one breath, no hesitations.

My uncle was in the room too so he was nodding his head, "I guess just make sure with grandma."

"I already did she said it would be good," I ran to my room because Star and her sister Cindy were on their way and quick.

I got a text while I was looking for my shirt saying they were outside, I through on whatever was there and ran out the house, "Byeee! I'll see you later!"

The car ride to the store was quiet, nothing really going on. We got to Rose Hill and they shopped at some store there, then we went to the dollar tree that was there and our finally stop was to get dinner at the Little Caesars pizza place that was there. I was basically texting Chiko the whole time and he kept asking who I was with, where we were with, the whole boyfriend questioning thing. I just kept it to myself though because I didn't want him to think I thought of him as more than just the friends with benefits that we were.

We got to their house where Cindy's mom proceeded to ask me the questions she asks me every time I go, "You still with that boy? You don't have your ring on, what happened? You on a diet?"

As frustrated as I get I try not to show, "No, we broke up."

"Oh, that's good, is there another guy?" that question irritated me so much man.

"No," now she could tell I was getting mad so she walked away and sat at the table, then she wondered into the kitchen.

We ended up watching Safe Haven and since Star is pregnant she ate most of the food there. Through the movie, I was still talking to Chiko and we agreed to meet up around 8 or so. I told Star I had to go home and we got going. As we got in the car I began to rant to her about how much I hated this whole break up scene because everyone was giving me a bunch of bull shit or faking on me.

Star has gone through a lot too, she just came back home from leaving to be with a nigga who screwed her over real bad. That baby she's gonna have is that fools and he kept denying it, then there's her mom, who in the first place, drove her to leave and keeps doing everything to make her want to leave again. When Star came back home she got disfellowshiped in her congregation, the only reason I could talk to her is because I don't have any privileges and im not baptized.

As we got closer to my place I asked, "Can you drop me off in the building behind mine... I want to talk to my friend I feel so stressed and I don't really want to go back home."

"I get it," she said as she parked in the parking lot behind my building.

We talked some more, actually I let her talk about how she's been feeling. I felt like I was the one to blame when she had left back in February and she hated me for a while because I wanted to prove to her that the nigga was a cheater. This time I wasn't going to fuck up or get her mad. We said our good-byes and I walked inside the building and waited for her to leave.

I called my mom, "Hey mom we're going to eat dinner right now, then they'll drop me off."

"That's fine," surprisingly she wasn't mad.

"Okay, bye." and that was all I had to do.

I walked through the creek and it was dark, I hated that shit. Then past the town houses and ended up at Willow Run, everything was going great except for the fact that Chiko hadn't replied back in a few hours so what the hell was I doing here. I got tired of waiting for him to text me and I called my friend Carla, she's a study with the Jehovah's Witness too, but I met her in the 8th grade before she was dedicated to the truth.

We talked and talked and I ended up crying, getting mad, and yelling.. in front of some random building at Willow Run. After the call, I proceeded to walk back home and as I reach the gate that leads me to my building this fool responds apologizing because he fell asleep after work and told me to go back. I said no because I walked around for like an hour and I was too tired for that shit. He was dissapointed but hey, it wasn't my fault.