Sweeney todd: Life Without lucy chapter 1

Chapter 7

"School? Mister Pirelli said school is only for the rich people, where are we gonna get the money? Where are we gonna get the money to move?", Toby asked, big eyes looking first at Nellie and then at me.

"Well, if we sell this, we'll have enough money for a new house I'm sure, and do you have any idea how much we made with the pies? Enough to give you a good education Toby! You could become a lawyer! Or..."

"Are you certain, mom? Mister Todd- I mean Sweeney? I mean, selling the house? The barbershop? Everything? Are you like very sure?"

"Yea, we are, aren't we, love?"

"I suppose? Look Toby, you do deserve it, and we have the money, and I-I hate shaving faces, I don't like being a barber, I don't even like meatpies, so yea it's better for all of us, I guess? Besides, my eyesight is going down, one day I might kill someone by accident", I laughed nervously. That wasn't the smartest thing I could say, but that, Nellie happily made a pirouette on one foot, while holding a plate with two pies on it (I was pretty sure it was gonna fall but somehow it balanced on her hands anyway) and almost sang "oh mister Todd you have no idea how happy you make me I could kiss you... I mean I- well- nevermind it's just a saying I... Why don't we go looking for a house tomorrow morning?"

Toby stood there awkwardly, watching how Nellie was dancing, I was drinking, and he still thinking about a few minutes ago.

Me and Lovett, we kissed again. Well again. I was drunk the first time, and the second time too a bit actually, but still, we kissed.

And I don't know how to feel about this, at all. I wanted to kiss her, I guess, it's just... Lucy and Johanna and Anthony and it's all too much, way too much to handle.

I thought about how I first met Lucy, we were at a ball, and she wore a beautiful pink dress, perfectly matching her golden hair and brown eyes. I looked at her once in a while for a good hour and after that, my friend, whose name I have forgotten, told me to just go for it, so I did. "Hey! Excuse me, you're beautifu- I mean... I... I'm Benjamin Barker"

"Call me Lucy, good sir! What beautiful eyes you have!" Yes she was straight-forward, but so was I so who cares. A year later we got married, and 9 months after the marriage, our dear Johanna was born. "This will protect you, my sweet. Always keep it on, never forget." Lucy said while Benjamin did a way too big necklace around a little baby's neck.

"Never forget who you are, little Johanna. Knowing yourself is important in life, and so is family" Benjamin smiled.

Oh the fact that, only months later, she wouldn't even know her parents anymore and she lived in a big lie her whole life.

And Lucy had died.

And Benjamin Barker had too. Some things just happen. Some people just change.

And then Nellie, sweet sweet Nellie. How her dark hair was perfectly done, well probably not that perfectly but what do I know about women's hair? I'm telling you, a woman and her hair is probably something I will never really understand.

For me it was perfectly anyways, and her dark, brown, oh so warm eyes looking at you just like a puppy.

I remembered when I first met Nellie. She was a friend of Lucy's, well, she knew Lucy anyways. She was at the ball too, she had been there with Lucy, probably watching Sweeney from a distance too. But when I first NOTICED Nellie, that's a different story, it wasn't until I was back actually, until I entered the pieshop and saw her beautiful face again, after year and year of being alone. Maybe that golden hair wasn't the only important thing. And maybe Nellie and Benjamin would have never worked out, but Nellie and Sweeney probably would.

Nopp. I can't handle all that. All those lies hidden by amazingness, all those flaws, hidden by her beautiful hair and eyes and face and sweet voice and- OH STOP IT ALREADY.

I was really just fighting with myself over everything. Nothing seemed real anymore, nothing was right and nothing was on it's place.

Was moving really the best option? Moving with her and Toby? Becoming "a family?"

For her, it perhaps was, and for me, well I can't do anything else really, can I? I can't kill anymore, I don't have another job, I won't be trusted as barber anymore now the judge had just "dissapeared" after walking into the shop, for black smoke being seen coming out of the chimney only a few hours later. People started realizing some people have gone missing, even if we only did people that didn't have family anymore, they perhaps did have friends, or people would see them around town, and not anymore now.

"Yea sure, I have- I have to do this thing in my room, I'll be back for dinner I..." And I stood up and went to my room as fast as possible. From the moment I closed the door, I started sobbing and sobbing without really knowing anymore why. I didn't feel exactly angry or scared or sad, I didn't feel anything really. Well perhaps I did, I just couldn't reconise my feelings anymore. I felt everything and nothing. My thought had driven me crazy.

After probably an hour of sobbing, someone knocked the door.

"Sweeney? Are you there? I need some help", it was Toby's unsure and scared voice again. The way he pronounced 'Sweeney' sounded even more unsure and scared than his other words, so I quickly dried my eyes, blew my nose and sat up straight.

"Yea sure come in, Toby!" I said, but my voice sounded harsh, and like it hadn't been used in days, still hearing the tears in my voice.

"I'm sorry mister Todd" he said, already sounding a bit more comforted with saying mr. Todd in stead of Sweeney, "but I was practicing my reading... And well... I really don't know what this word is"

He took his, well Sweeney's, book and opened it. The book was Candide, and he was on a page around the middle of the book.

"Have you already read this whole part?" I asked suprised. Sure I taught him how to read a bit, but I didn't think he would already half finish Candide in less than a day, with understanding and all.

"Yea, I couldn't put it down! It's a great story you know!" Of course I knew, I've read the book myself, it was my book!

"And well, I'm reading pretty slowly I think? But reading is so hard, but I really wanna know the story and... Reading is so amazing Mister Todd! Thank you so much for teaching me!"

He almost leaned in to hug me, but then quickly pulled away, realizing it probably wasn't the best idea anyway. And thanks god, how do you even hug such a little and skinny guy?

"You're a really smart boy, you know that Toby? I don't know much people reading Candide as first book ever, surely not your age. Reading isn't that hard, once you really know how, I guess? But still, you're unbelievably smart. In probably any way. So uhm... Where do you need help?"