The Life We Live

Chapter 9

I stood there in shock as chaos unfolded around me. All I could think about was the fact that I just shot Sophia, I mean she was a walker, but I still couldn't wrap my mind around it. I looked behind me and saw Carol sobbing in Daryl's arms, I tried to send her an sympathetic look but she wouldn't make eye contact. I felt tears start to form in the corners of my eyes but I blinked them away, Merle always told me I'm too old to cry.

"Hey, are you okay?" Asked Carl as he approached me from behind.

"Yeah... I-I'm."

"Let's go" he whispered, I nodded my head. He led me away from the grotesque barn scene and into camp.

"Sit" he said as he helped me down onto a log. He sat next to me and sighed.

"You're not gonna cry?" he asked.

"Why would I cry?" I questioned, my voice trembling.

"I don't know... I mean sometimes it just feels better to cry" he remarked. I looked at him and his face was so accepting, so welcoming, that I burst into tears. He put his arms around me and held me close. I sobbed onto his shirt as he rubbed my back.

"It's okay, I'm here" he whispered.

"I know" I sobbed. I kept crying, I felt like I could cry forever, all the sadness I'd bottled up over the years was finally pouring out.

"Is she okay?" Asked a voice that I recognized as Daryl.

"I think so" replied Carl. Daryl sat next to me and held my hand. I cried for what seemed like hours and when I was finally done Carl's shirt was wet with my tears.

"Sorry" I sniffled.

"Don't be" he whispered.

I got up, I need to talk to hershel. Everyone was back in the camp now, but Hershel is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Hershel?" I asked Rick as I approached him.

"Maggie said he's gone, Glenn and I are going to find him now" said Rick.

"Do you need help?" I asked.

"No, stay here, maybe go hunting" suggested Rick as he swung his backpack over his shoulder and headed off.

Everyone seemed to be occupied except me, the women are in the house comforting Beth, Maggie and Patricia, most of the men decided to go on supply runs or go hunting, no one really wants to talk about what just happened.

"Rae I'm gonna be in the house with Carol, are you okay by yourself?" asked Daryl, I nodded my head as I sat down by the fire. I stared into the flames and watched them dance in the air. I sat for a while until someone approached me, it was Carl.

"Wanna hunt?" He asked.

"Yes."

We walked for a while in silence, neither of us really knew what to say. Every so often a squirrel would cross our path, I would aim my bow, shoot and miss the squirrel, not because I'm a bad shot but because there has already been enough death today. When a small group of walkers approached us we quickly killed them, every time my knife connected with one of their heads I cringed, thinking about who they were before they were turned.

"Promise me if I get bit, you'll kill me" I said.

"I promise" hesitated Carl.

Those were the only words we spoke as we walked through the forest. After a few hours we decided to head back. As we approached camp I noticed everyone was still gone.

"Gosh, no one's here" I muttered.

"They need to get their minds off everything, I don't blame them" said Carl.